Stung

(BUZZING)

(CHITTERING)

PAUL:
F***!

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Can we turn this down?

I mean,

all I wanted was a little bit of music.

How do you do that?

- Do what?

- Read in the car.

I get car sick as sh*t, you know?

Start getting all queasy,

and burps start smelling weird,

I'm puking, projectile vomit.

It'll be violent, you know what I mean?

Like... (MIMICS RETCHING)

Like I'm eating it back into my mouth,

I can't see, it splatters everywhere.

A little piece gets into your eye,

and you're like... Ahh!

So, you open your mouth

and it gets in your mouth,

and you're gagging,

you're vomiting all over the place,

and I crash into a tree.

Could you please stop?

I'm gonna finish working on my checklist,

you know?

Did you bring the wine glasses?

Yeah.

Uh, I'm gonna double check.

Whoa!

- It's okay. Oh, my God.

- Really? Really?

Okay, let me help you,

there's a towel around here.

It's everywhere.

Who paved this f***ing road?

Is that a rhetorical question?

(TOOL WHIRRING)

Could you try not to hit, you know,

all the pot holes and/or gardeners?

You seem a little anxious.

I am. I mean,

I'm running this business now.

If I fail, the business fails.

If the business fails,

then I don't make money.

And If I can't make money,

I can't pay you. You know?

It's all I know how to do, is parties,

and if I can't do parties,

then what does that say about me?

(CLICKS TONGUE)

(SIGHS) I mean... It's... I don't know.

I mean, it sounds like you were

born to party, you know? (CHUCKLES)

I mean, not like, you know, party,

but, like, party, like, cater...

You were born to cater, you know...

Do you smoke weed? I think weed

would be great. If I was a doctor...

- Paul?

- Yeah.

Just stop. Just stop.

Really? I thought, maybe,

we were communicating there. I'm...

Yeah? No?

Phone.

Oh, my God, I'm not a child.

I know not to use my phone while I work!

Why do I have to give it to you?

I don't want the guests seeing you

searching for a signal like an idiot.

There's no winning with you.

Yeah.

(CLATTERING)

- JULIA:
Careful!

- I know, I know.

JULIA:
Please don't f*** this up.

- This year's been hard enough as it is.

- Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I'm...

Yeah, I mean, I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's gonna be perfect.

Wow!

This place is a piece of sh*t.

You'll see it has its charms.

You're not gonna wear that shirt, are you?

Everything's gonna be okay. All right?

Just relax.

Flora!

- Cmo ests?

- (CHUCKLES)

- Julia, darling!

- (CHUCKLING)

- So good to see you!

- (KEYBOARD PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

(GRUNTING)

- Sounds all right to you?

- (CHUCKLES)

Sounds damn good to me.

I'm Lawrence. Tonight's entertainment.

Friends call me "Larry".

Bartender Paul. Friends call me "Paul".

Well, Paul, you seem awfully glum

on such a fine afternoon.

Is there something I can play

to cheer up your spirits?

I don't know. Why don't you surprise me?

Do you know anything in the key of G?

- "G" like "greats"?

- "G" like... That's funny. Clever.

Larry?

- (PLAYS NOTES)

- Paul.

(KEYBOARD PLAYING SCALE)

Yeah.

(KEYBOARD PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

(CHITTERING)

(SNIFFLES)

(SIGHS)

You think I'd outgrow

the onion cries, right?

Dad was always on chopping duty.

I heard about your father.

I'm sorry, Julia.

It's been tough.

I'm just trying to hold

everything together.

But you're just as good as he was.

Better, even.

Everything will work out.

(GRUNTING) Oh, my God!

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

Jesus!

(GROANS)

F***!

He likes you.

Yeah, no.

I'm pretty sure

I'd rather jump off a cliff.

Whew!

Hey, there. Put you in charge, huh?

Uh... Yeah.

- You got much experience?

- Sure, yeah. I'm good at serving drinks.

I'm good at consuming alcohol,

so, really, I'm over-qualified for the job.

(DOG BARKING)

Um, yeah, well, that's my personal stash.

So, if you can just keep them cold

and, you know, don't give them out.

You put "open bar" on these flyers and

people coming running down from the hills.

These cocksuckers are expensive.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah. I'll keep them safe for you, sir.

You don't have to call me "sir".

I'm Sydney Perch.

Paul.

Yeah. Nice, Paul. Um...

You wanna have a beer with me?

It's totally cool, just don't,

you know, tell my mom.

I really should wait

till I'm off the clock.

I'm gonna get you started.

There you go.

MRS PERCH:
Sydney!

Is little Percy down there?

He's run off, again!

(BARKING)

I'd better go get him.

Put that on ice, okay?

Weird.

(RUMBLING QUIETLY)

(CHITTERING)

(GROANING)

God damn it!

Jesus!

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)

You see?

You see that?

They were like this, they're f***ing huge.

- Avoid everything here. It's bad.

- No, poor baby.

I brought this for you.

I thought you might forget that.

Don't put it through your hand.

I'm not gonna put it through my hand.

Oh! Kidding.

Can you do me favour?

Can you just warn that guy

about the wasps? They're just...

I don't know.

They're really making me nervous.

- 'Cause if he's allergic...

- Sydney?

Yeah. The guy with the... Quasimodo.

Was he drunk?

Um...

I mean, I gave him a beer.

So, it depends what his tolerance is.

I mean, he did suck it down pretty good.

- Just remember these are our clients.

- Yeah. Aye, aye, Captain.

Why do I... This is not

the f***ing White House. Okay?

I mean, her husband

was in pharmaceutical business.

A corporate drug dealer.

They medicate the American population

into f***ing zombies. All right?

I don't need to respect that.

You should respect the fact

that we're doing a job.

Yes, you're right.

F***!

- That looks terrible.

- Yeah, it is terrible.

Do you want to kiss it, make it better?

First aid's in the glove compartment.

Okay?

Next to that is a spare pair of pants.

You should put them on.

One leg at a time. All right?

And while you're at it,

move the van to the back of the house.

Guests arrive in 25 minutes.

So, chop-chop.

Hey, Paul, I noticed

that you put up all these lights.

Climbed that tree, huh?

'Cause I know that I didn't get you

a ladder. Looks really nice.

I'm really happy that you're here

and you're helping me.

(MUMBLES MOCKINGLY)

(GRUNTS)

(WINCING)

(GROANS)

You look good.

Jesus. What the f*** else.

(LIGHTER CLICKING)

(CHITTERING IN DISTANCE)

(DOG BARKS)

(CHITTERING)

- (BARKING)

- Oh, my God!

Little guy, you scared the sh*t out of me.

MRS PERCH:
Percy?

Oh.

Excuse me. Hi. Mrs Perch?

I'm sorry, I just couldn't help,

but admire your garden, it's beautiful.

You're the boy they've sent to tend bar?

Paul.

You remind me a bit of my late husband.

He was very fetching.

- (CAR HORN HONKS)

- MRS PERCH:
Oh.

Why, I do believe I hear

some guests arriving.

Well, I'd better get back to it.

Come along, Percy. Come along.

Yes, little boy. Come on.

Here we go.

(KEYBOARD PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

- Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Hi, what can I get you?

- We'll have two reds.

All right. Coming right up.

You two newlyweds?

Thank you.

- Would you like some?

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