Stung Page #2

- No, thank you.

(CHITTERING)

JULIA:
Hello.

Enjoy.

It'll ruin my scotch.

Hello.

Hi, how are you? What can I get you?

Gin, with a splash of flat water, please.

That's a first for the night.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You're enjoying the party so far?

I am. I am.

PAUL:
So, how do you know the family?

Oh, we are friends of them.

My husband and I.

Oh, your husband.

Almost divorced.

That's... That's sad.

- No?

- Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

(GASPS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(RUMBLING QUIETLY)

Reminds me of a joke.

Let's save the punch line for later. Okay?

Okay.

(CHUCKLES)

All right. I...

Okay.

(CHITTERING)

Having all fun here in cougar town, huh?

- No, but seriously, do you need anything?

- No, it's fine. I'm fine.

Everything is good, actually.

(BOTH CLEARING THROAT)

- Hey, Mr Mayor. Everything okay?

- Yes.

This party needs an autopsy.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Yeah. Give me a double, no ice.

Who is responsible

for these little piggy thingies?

This young lady right here.

What did I tell you?

Excuse my language.

But these are the best f***ing piggy

thingies I've ever had in my life.

- Does everything taste okay?

- Oh, they're delicious. Yeah.

- You have a card?

- Yeah.

'Cause I'm gonna need someone

for my re-election party next month.

- Thank you. I'll call you.

- We're all keeping our fingers crossed.

MAYOR:
For you.

Oh.

You two make a good pair.

Thank you. Thank you. Bye.

- Wow!

- (CLEARS THROAT)

Hi, ladies. Have you tasted these?

- They have a whole tray of them up there.

- (CHITTERING)

(CHITTERING)

(CHITTERING)

(SQUISHES)

Oh, my God.

Ugh, this is disgusting.

Ugh!

Hey, man, you should really watch out.

These f***ing things are everywhere.

They are really f***ing nasty.

Just in case you're allergic, or whatever.

You know what I'm allergic to?

- What?

- You bumming me out.

Care for a little relief?

I've got a prescription from Dr Greenthumb.

- Sweet party, dude.

- Yeah, I mean, it's not bad.

They are super rich, these people.

So, you just keep your head down.

You know, they'd...

I guess, they tip well.

That's what Julia says.

Julie, Julie.

She's a hottie-with-a-body, huh?

She's not... She doesn't happen

to be available, does she?

(COUGHING)

I don't... I haven't asked her.

I totally get it, man!

- Hello.

- Hi.

I'll have whatever you're making.

I like the way you hold that bottle.

Thank you, that guy was really creepy.

He looks like Ulysses S. Grant.

Thanks for the invite.

- (BLOWS)

- (GLASS CLINKING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh... Well, Mother and I

are certainly delighted

you could all be here this evening

to remember Dad.

These gatherings have certainly

become a tradition throughout the years.

Sorry, I didn't think

you'd be so cool about it.

Yeah, well. I mean,

everyone can smell it on you, so...

(SNICKERS) Sorry.

SYDNEY:
So, everybody,

enjoy themselves and have a great time

- and stay as long as you'd like and...

- (CHITTERING)

Um... Uh...

Yeah, yeah...

Thank you all for coming.

And for leaving the kids at home.

(ALL LAUGHING)

- Really?

- It's funny.

- (KEYBOARD PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

- (GROANS)

- GUEST:
What?

- SYDNEY:
F***ing sh*t!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Did you see that?

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

WOMAN:
Help!

Oh, God! Help him!

(MAN GURGLING)

I think something bit him.

BEARDED MAN:

No. No, I couldn't possibly...

You're a doctor! Help him!

I'm a gynaecologist, for Christ's sake!

WOMAN:
What the hell is happening?

Oh, God! Get away from him!

I got a cold compress.

(CONTINUES GURGLING)

Oh, my God. All right, all right.

Watch out!

Somebody call 911! For f***'s sake!

- Can you help me with this, sir?

- Yeah. I'll do the best I can.

Roll him onto the cloth. One, two, three!

(GRUNTING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

(CRACKLING)

(RUMBLING QUIETLY)

(CHITTERING)

(WHOOSHING)

Everybody, get inside right now!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING)

(GUESTS SCREAMING)

Get off me! Leave me! Leave me!

Leave me alone!

Don't! Don't! No!

(GROANS)

(SHUSHING)

PAUL:
Ugh!

- (CRACKLING)

- PAUL:
Jesus!

Ahh!

MAN:
F***!

We're taking the party inside, Mother.

Come on! Let's go!

MRS PERCH:
Oh, God, what's happening?

(SCREAMING)

Jesus! Come on. Come on, come on.

(GRUNTS) God damn it!

(WOMAN CHOKING)

(GASPS)

(CRACKLING)

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, God!

What the f***!

(GROANS)

Julia? Julia!

- (SCREECHING)

- Oh, f***!

- Oh, my God.

- (CHITTERING)

(YELLS)

Oh, my God.

JULIA:
Hey!

Get the f*** off him!

- (GRUNTS)

- (GROANS)

- Are you okay? Are you okay?

- No, no, no...

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine, I'm fine!

You two! Julia! Come on. Get in here!

Come on!

(SCREAMS)

(CHITTERING)

(SCREAMS)

(BARKING)

Let's go.

(GASPS)

(PAUL GRUNTING)

Guys, everyone is in the kitchen.

Let's go. Come on.

(MRS PERCH CRYING)

MAYOR:
What the hell just happened? God!

You've made it.

I feel sick, Flora.

Oh, no, Mrs Perch, you're okay.

Everything is okay.

What are we gonna do now?

What the hell just happened?

We just heard screams

and then all the people were just...

Those are... Those bees!

They're not bees. Those are wasps!

Who gives a sh*t? Bees, wasps...

We spray for wasps, don't we, Sydney?

It was mania. It was hysteria.

That's what it was.

My puppy is out there!

F*** the pooch, Ma.

Who called 911?

Cell service is virtually non-existent out here,

but there's a phone in the office.

What did they say when you called?

You didn't call.

Are you all insane? Nobody called 911?

What am I supposed to say?

You say the Mayor is pinned down,

and that he can't retreat.

- All right! Listen, listen!

- Then you see what happens.

Listen! We need to find out.

Is anyone stung?

I got him before he got me.

- Oh, God.

- That's good. That's very good.

- Just hurry.

- No, Mrs Perch, it's okay.

It's not okay. It's not...

You people don't see...

You don't seem to see how severe this is.

You need medical attention, Mrs Perch.

Everybody at your garden party

needs medical attention.

We need to move from the kitchen

to the front of the house.

So, when the EMTs arrive,

you can easily get into the ambulance.

So, why don't we do that?

I'd rather just stay here.

But you will show them where we are?

- Okay. Can you please keep an eye on her?

- Yeah, I will.

Thank you. Sydney, can you

help me find the f***ing phone?

- MRS PERCH:
My heart is racing. Oh! Oh!

- MAYOR:
You'll be all right.

Sydney, you're just going to leave me?

Flora will take care you, Ma.

She's at least good at that.

(MRS PERCH SOBBING)

Hey, hey. I'm here.

(SIGHING)

Are you f***ing kidding me?

What year is this?

- (CAR ENGINE REVVING)

- (TIRES SCREECHING)

- (LOUD THUD)

- (JULIA GASPS)

(LINE BEEPING)

- PAUL:
What?

- SYDNEY:
What? What? What the f***!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Oh, my God.

Oh, f***!

Okay, the phone is not going to work.

Well, that's great!

That's f***ing whoop dee doo!

(LOUD THUD)

- LARRY:
Help me! Paul!

- (BANGING ON DOOR)

- How do I open this f***ing window?

- We have to open the door.

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