Subconscious Cruelty

Reality.

It traps us in a monotonous,

deadening cycle.

Engulfs our dreams and desires...

...with innumerable obstacles

that are laced with cruel irony.

We try to shadow these inescapable

truths with such lies as cinema...

...use it as a shield of escape.

A coating to shelter us...

...from the ceaseless hardships

thrown in our paths.

Certain films can attempt

to absorb our negative energy...

...in a hope that perhaps...

...they can keep our

darkest emotions at bay.

But unfortunately, flickering light

can only pacify our demons for so long.

And human reality

will eventually rear its ugly head.

Far more horrific than any film

can attempt to portray.

I can see her.

She sleeps so calmly.

Her bloated midsection

slowly rising and falling.

Her every breath, a certain

feat of accomplishment.

I know what she's thinking:

Thinking about her future...

of what she is... what's inside of her.

Her dreams...

are probably so boring.

Not like mine...

Her face is beautiful... soft.

But she never lets me touch it.

We always keep our distance,

and this is fine.

She laughs at me. I know it.

Thinks I'm impotent.

Thinks I could never do

what her previous partners could.

But I know better.

I can do things, see things

and experience things...

...that those soul-less creatures

could never even dream of.

I know what to do

when the time comes.

My life, has slowly become what you

would consider many nightmares.

One cruel and vicious

vision after another.

Imagery, that is built on a constant

thread of depravity... and horror.

That unspools with fury and passion.

But I love this.

I love the cruelty and the torture.

You see, it helps me learn...

...helps me learn about the

enigmas surrounding life and death.

I learn the true nature

of the human being.

This fascinates me,

and scares me at the same time.

But I suppose all types of enlightenment

can be considered frightening.

I learn from these visions that the

strongest monster of them all...

...the one that causes the most pain,

destruction and suffering...

...is nothing but the human itself.

I relish in this fact,

and live it to its fullest.

And now... as the pregnant woman

sleeps alone in the decrepit room...

...it seems that the peeling walls are

looking down on her as well as me.

Observing her, as the tiny being...

...that is growing in her belly

gets more and more whole.

Looking with passion...

...at the small phenomenon

that is passively taking place.

I know what the foetus feels.

It feels irrelevant...

It feels nothing.

It's my job to make the being feel.

To experience humanity at its fullest.

At times, I would quietly

observe the woman...

...making love to an

anonymous partner...

...through the ajar door into

the house's single bedroom.

The odd motions and frenetic desires

seeming so alien to me...

...and familiar at the same time.

I became completely

obsessed from afar...

...with the architecture

of the human sex organ.

The way they were built

with their odd curves and lips.

Perfectly designed by an unknown

god for total symmetry in creation.

How fascinating it was...

Especially when pain was

mixed with the pleasure.

But the whole concept of human creation was

one that obsessed me for years and years.

It amazed me that the simple act

of penetrating and ejaculating...

...into a female sex organ...

...could cause such incredible

happenings and bodily contortions.

Just from a minor liquid outburst.

Sometimes I would myself masturbate,

as I watched the various sex acts...

...partaking distantly like a personal

mirror to their repetitious motions.

I would stare in awe at the slowly

coagulating secretion within my palm.

I could be the ultimate creator.

I held the key within my body.

The true seed that is the

genesis of all creation.

How ironic that without

the power that I held...

...no woman could ever

be able to give birth.

Without this silly wad of phlegm

the human would never exist.

From the first instant

I realized this...

...my observations and fascinations

began to make total sense.

As if everything that

went on in my mind...

...was a part of some

sort of strange cycle...

...that my subconscious

was slowly revealing to me.

It was then, that an idea

sprung to my mind...

How I could cause the ultimate horror

and pain to the creation of the human.

How to engineer the most unimaginable

event one could possibly think of:

To deface the process of creation.

It was incredible.

The idea seemed so... cruel... mocking.

But I had to do it.

The thought was so viciously evil...

...that my sadistic temptations

were a signed pact in themselves.

I was going to be the true

perverter of human creation.

I just had to wait for

the proper situation...

...for the right

circumstances to happen.

I didn't expect them to...

but they did.

I couldn't believe how

fate was on my side.

The opportunity has come,

and I'm staring at it right now.

The pregnant woman... I'll admit

right now... is actually my sister.

We both live in this rotted house.

The only remains of our poor,

and long terminated family.

Realities have since segued

into mutual acceptance.

The two of us trapped in this

residential carcass...

...like a dying fish in an aquarium

of empty memories.

Though my sister was graced

with the gift of beauty...

...I was always hidden

in the shadows...

...and picked upon due to

my looks and manner.

How I hated her.

But now I love her... love her for the

gift she holds and what she can do.

I would like to make love to her.

To revel in her warmth and beauty...

To create.

But my thoughts and visions

always turn to the other side.

And I can't help but analyze

her with dark intent.

Within the first months she got pregnant

from some uncertain lover...

...I couldn't believe the incredible

things that were happening to her body.

The pain and the sacrifice

she had to go through...

...in order to have

the gift to create life.

If I as a male held the seed,

and the secret of creation...

...she as a female, held the

sacrifice and the suffering.

The idea of menstruation seemed like

such a horrifying and macabre joke.

In order to be able to keep the species

going, she had to suffer the pain...

...and discomfort of having

her genitals bleed periodically.

It seemed like such a poetic...

...and oddly sadistic

element of the process.

And I loved her and respected

her for the sacrifice...

...she had made to create life.

But this element of the creation process

also caused me many nightmares...

...and visions of insanity.

Once, when I was sleeping...

...I envisioned that I was slowly caressing

my sister's naked form in bed.

The blood never stopped...

and neither did her pain.

This dream... this nightmare

soon had a great effect on my life.

I slowly began to have an

odd repulsion for my pregnant sister.

And perhaps all women in general.

I kept on having flashes in my brain

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