Submarine Page #7

Synopsis: Precocious Oliver struggles with being popular in school but when a dark-haired beauty takes interest in him, he's determined to become the best boyfriend in the world. Meanwhile, his parents' already rocky relationship is threatened when his mother's ex-boyfriend moves in next door. Oliver makes some unorthodox plans to ensure that his parents stay together and that Jordana still likes him.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Richard Ayoade
Production: The Weinstein Company
  Nominated for 1 BAFTA Film Award. Another 6 wins & 14 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.3
Metacritic:
76
Rotten Tomatoes:
87%
R
Year:
2010
97 min
$400,000
Website
2,574 Views


- OK.

- Mm?

Right.

Dear Oliver, I tried to tell you

but I figure you'll only probably believe me

if it's in writing. It's over.

I enclose my lighter as a parting gift for you.

Also, I think you should know,

I've found someone else.

When we're in school together,

try not to look upset.

I know you're a good actor.

You were right about

my being allergic to dogs. I got tested.

Oh, and in case you're interested,

my mum's fine now.

Sorry if it made you feel awkward.

It's Hard To Get Around The Wind

# It's like you're trying to get to heaven

in a hurry

# And the queue was shorter

than you thought it'd be

# And the doorman says,

You need to get a wrist band

# You got a lift between the pitfalls

# But you're looking like you're low on energy

# Did you get out and walk

to ensure you'd miss the quicksand?

Could you tell her I called?

# Looking for a new place to begin

- It's Oliver. Oliver Tate.

Oh, yeah, she's got my number.

# Feeling like it's hard to understand

# But as long as you still keep peppering the pill

# You'll find a way to spit it out again

# And even when you know

the way it's gonna blow

# It's hard to get around the wind

None of this will matter when I'm 38.

But it's been two months

since Jordana last spoke to me.

Her new boyfriend has an incredibly long neck.

Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry.

I wish I could hand in this excuse note.

"Dear Mr Davey,

Please may Oliver be excused from class.

His tiny heart is broken.

Yours sincerely, Lloyd Tate. "

# Stretching out the neck on your evening

# Trying to even out some deficit

# But it's sabre-toothed, multi-ball confusion

# And you can shriek until you're hollow

# Or whisper it the other way

# Trying to save the youth

without putting your shoes on

# Looking for a new place to begin

- Is he all right?

- He's fine. Just leave him.

# As long as you still keep peppering the pill

# You'll find a way to spit it out again

# And even when you know

the way it's gonna blow

# It's hard

# To get around the wind

In my other recurring dream,

I mentally rehearse the end scene.

The one where it's getting dark

and I mistake a girl for Jordana.

A girl with the exact same frame

and the exact same hair.

And when she turns around,

I see her face is nothing like Jordana's.

And she asks, "Do I know you?"

And I look traumatised and say...

No.

You don't know me.

You don't know me at all.

I think this will matter when I'm older,

when I'm 38.

Don't you knock any more?

Sorry, Oliver. What?

Jordana... I think it will matter when I'm older.

Yeah, course it will.

OK, well... Good night.

# And I can hear you through my window

# But I'm never quite sure who is who

# But they want the world on a dessert spoon

# It always sounds like they're fighting

# Or as if that's what they're about to do

# It might not hurt now

# But it's gonna hurt soon

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You've got to be shitting me.

Pritchard.

Pritchard, take a look at this.

It's as funny as f***.

All right, whose note is that?

It's mine.

Thank you, Oliver, for your refreshing honesty.

But you know the rules.

Up you come, read it out.

It was just a joke?

Yeah.

OK, well, as I say,

if it was just a joke then that's fine.

But if ever you have serious feelings

of, you know, difficulty

or sadness

or any negative feelings that you want

to talk about, feel free to come and...

I know, I know, yeah.

I can talk to you about that.

OK. I don't want to embarrass you

but I just wanted you to know that

I'm open to talking whenever you want.

Yeah. OK.

Cool.

Good.

Nice one, Ol. Nice one, you f***-muppet.

Why write stuff like that?

Perhaps people are right and you are gay.

"Jordana, I love you. I want to

have your babies, get married. "

What the f***?

- F*** you, Chips.

- What the f*** are you up to, you fool?

What?

- You're a loser.

- Go and see the girl

- who doesn't like you.

- I'll be back.

I'll hit you in the face.

Can I have a word, please, in private,

without him?

I'm fine here.

Sorry I didn't come to the hospital.

I thought my parents were going to split up

and I didn't want to look weak

or things to change.

My mum gave a hand-job to a mystic.

Look, I was frightened.

I'm full of regret.

This is the moment where you leave him

and come with me.

Is it?

Yeah.

Are you coming?

No.

I don't know if I've come of age

but I'm certainly older now.

I feel shrunken, as if there's

a tiny ancient Oliver Tate inside me

operating the levers of

a life-size Oliver-shaped shell.

A shell on which a decrepit picture show

replays the same handful of images.

Every night I come to the same place

and wait till the sky catches up with my mood.

The pattern is set.

This is, no doubt, the end.

Jordana!

Jordana!

It is you.

I didn't think it'd be you. I...

I thought it'd be like a film

where the girl turns round and it's not the...

You've got a new dog. You're allergic.

- Oliver.

- Where's your boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend.

Your skin's looking bad, terrible.

It's probably the dog.

I don't care about my f***ing skin.

- Why on earth did you get a new dog?

- Because I like dogs, OK?

Why are you such a total dick?

I don't know.

I was crying earlier. My eyes are probably red.

They look fine.

No, well, maybe they don't go red when I cry.

It happens to some.

You were horrible to me.

I know. I made a mistake.

I made a mistake.

What do you want me to say?

- Ask me how deep the ocean is.

- Shut up.

Go on, just ask me.

- Why?

- Because I know the answer.

- Oh, do you?

- Yeah. I do.

- How deep?

- I'm not going to say.

I'm broken-hearted.

- The ocean is six miles deep.

- Good.

Piledriver Waltz

# I etched the face of a stopwatch

# On the back of a raindrop

# And did a swap for the sand

# In an hourglass

# I heard an unhappy ending

# It sort of sounds like you leaving

# I heard the Piledriver Waltz

# It woke me up this morning

# You look like you've been for breakfast

# At the Heartbreak Hotel

# And sat in the back booth

# By the pamphlets and the literature

# On how to lose

# Your waitress was miserable

# And so was your food

# If you're going to try and walk on water

# Make sure you wear

# Your comfortable shoes

# Mysteries flashing amber

# Go green when you answer

# But the red on the rest of the questionnaire

# Never changes

# I heard the news that you're planning

# To shoot me out of a cannon

# I heard the Piledriver Waltz

# It woke me up this morning

# You look like you've been for breakfast

# At the Heartbreak Hotel

# And sat in the back booth

# By the pamphlets and the literature

# On how to lose

# Your waitress was miserable

# And so was your food

# If you're going to try

# And walk on water

# Make sure you wear

# Your comfortable shoes

# Oh-oh-oh

# The Piledriver

Stuck On The Puzzle

# I'm not the kind of fool

# Who's going to sit and sing to you

# About stars, girl

# But last night I looked up into

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Richard Ayoade

Richard Ellef Ayoade (, born 12 June 1977) is a British actor, comedian, writer, director and television presenter. He is best known for his role as the socially awkward IT technician Maurice Moss in Channel 4 sitcom The IT Crowd (2006–2013), for which he won the 2014 BAFTA for Best Male Comedy Performance. He has often worked alongside Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt, Matt Berry, Matthew Holness and Rich Fulcher. Born in Hammersmith, Ayoade served as the president of Footlights at St Catharine's College, Cambridge. Ayoade and Matthew Holness debuted their respective characters Dean Learner and Garth Marenghi at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2000, bringing the characters to television with Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (2004) and Man to Man with Dean Learner (2006). Ayoade appeared in the comedy shows The Mighty Boosh (2004–2007) and Nathan Barley (2007), before gaining exposure and recognition for his role in The IT Crowd. After directing music videos for Arctic Monkeys, Vampire Weekend, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Kasabian, Ayoade wrote and directed the comedy-drama film Submarine in 2010. He co-starred in the American science fiction comedy film The Watch in 2012 and his second film, the black comedy The Double, premiered in 2013. Ayoade has frequently appeared on panel shows, mostly prominently on The Big Fat Quiz of the Year and served as a team captain on Was It Something I Said? in 2013. Ayoade presents the factual shows Gadget Man (2013–2015), its spin-off Travel Man (2015–present) and the 2017 revival of The Crystal Maze. Ayoade has provided his voice to a number of animated projects, including the films The Boxtrolls (2014) and Early Man (2018), and the television shows Strange Hill High (2013–2014) and Apple & Onion (2018–present). Ayoade has written two comedic books centring around film, Ayoade on Ayoade: A Cinematic Odyssey (2014) and The Grip of Film (2017). more…

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    "Submarine" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/submarine_19033>.

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