Suburban Gothic Page #7

Hi.

Excuse me.

Why, hello, don.

Got your calls.

I was wondering how long

it was gonna take you

before you realized Raymond

was off his anti psychotics.

Listen, give me my money,

and I will prescribe his "blood

pressure" medication again.

Okay? That's the deal.

Okey doke.

F***ing cocksucker!

Where's Mr. Wadsworth?

Mr. Wadsworth is in the

hospital with a broken boner.

I've been approved to temporarily

fill in as substitute teacher

since they couldn't find anybody

else on such short notice.

Bullshit.

Let's start with attendance,

shall we?

You're gay, right?

Never meta gay person before.

Being a football coach and all,

your father must be

so disappointed.

Do you know me? Do you know me?

I'm asking you a question.

Do you know me?

I'll tell you who I am.

I'm a f***ing wizard...

Sent from the future

in a motherfucking time machine

to tell you

that you are an a**hole.

You're the type of person

that makes fun

of fat short little kids

and makes them feel bad

about themselves

for the rest of their lives

because you think

You're so special.

Well, you know what?

You're not special.

You're not different.

You're not even particularly

interesting.

You're the same bigoted,

homophobic, redneck,

football-scoring, Martin Luther

king-assassinating,

a**hole-faced

son-of-a-b*tch redneck

that you have spent your entire

life rebelling against.

And I know that

that kills you inside.

Whew.

Sorry about that.

- Want to get out of here?

- Yeah.

Yeah, let's get

the f*** out of here.

Hey, f*** you guys.

All right Becca, wait here.

Better yet go back to the bar.

It's safer.

Oh, please.

I can take care of myself.

You've been marked. I'm not

letting you go any further.

You've been marked.

You saw what happened

to Virginia.

You're not going in there alone.

Aah!

That felt good.

Ambrose.

Ambrose?

Ambrose.

Ambrose?

Ambrose.

Whoa, check this out.

You okay?

Ambrose, don't kill her!

I can fix this!

Just tell me

where the necklace is.

I'm not riding in this thing

again until you get new tags.

Do you have any idea how many

drugs I have on me right now?

Just keep watch

while I sneak inside.

Well, my night just got

a whole lot more interesting.

Dad?

Are you all right?

Did you say something?

Eve sent you a gorgeous bouquet.

I'm gonna get you some water.

Where's the necklace?

Noelle.

Get get on the couch!

- Who are you?!

- I can explain.

I can expl... - who are you?

I'm I'm a friend

of your father's, Raymond.

He was working

at my parents' house

the night that he disappeared.

Oh, You're... You're Eve's son.

Raymond.

Raymond.

Jesus.

Lis that... does that necklace

belong to you?

Uh, no. I-I...

well, I found it

in my father's jacket.

I'm sorry,

it's stolen property,

and I'm gonna have to ask

for it back.

S-stolen?

Oh.

Sorry.

Just take it. It's not

really my thing, anyway.

- It's vintage, so...

- Wow.

So, um...

so You're Hector's daughter.

It's so weird our families have

known each other for so long,

yet we've never met.

Well, I was grounded

for most of my childhood,

so there was that.

And then, uh, I run

an Internet business.

It keeps me busy.

Busty latina Bootys, right?!

You know my site?

Bootylover44.

Oh, You're a kinky one.

- You're... You're noelle!

- You're a dirty one.

- I am a dirty one.

- You are a dirty one.

- Small world.

- It is.

Holy sh*t. Small world.

I Can't tell you

what a pleasure it's been

masturbating to you. Thank you.

No, it's been a real pleasure

taking your money.

So, you want to watch TV

or something?

- No. You should probably...

- I'll leave.

Where's my car?

They towed it.

You didn't stop them?

F***ing pigs.

Come on, my car's at the bar.

Shouldn't we call a cab?

Well, yeah, dude,

because they're a bunch

of liberal cocksuckers.

You... you listening

to a word We're saying?

They'll socialize that jacket

if you let them.

F***. My keys are in the back.

Oh, what you got there, bud?

Give it to me!

Give it back, pope!

Seriously, man!

What the f*** are

you gonna do about it huh?

You know what?

I'm gonna punch you in the face

and probably get my ass kicked.

Prove it.

Suck on that.

Fellas, make sure to tell

my parole officer

this was self-defense, huh?

Lay a hand on him

and There's gonna be trouble.

Stay back, Becca. Stay back.

Stay the f***

out of this, Becca.

I've never hit a girl,

and I'm not about to start.

I'm pretty sure I'll like it.

I'm not scared of you, pope.

Fine, girly.

Just remember

that you begged for it huh?

Ow! F***!

Keys!

Whoo!

What the hell

are you doing here?

Mom, what happened

to your neck?

Are you okay?

The banister broke.

Which is odd,

we just had it replaced.

Mom, get out of the house

right now.

She's not going anywhere,

all right?

Did I not warn you

about stepping foot

in this house again? Huh?

- Don...

- And you...

you stop running after my boy.

You're trouble.

Suck my dick.

What are you gonna do

with those shovels?

- Huh?!

- Wait!

Wait! Wait.

Wait.

Stop. Stop!

Stop with the goddamn shovels.

Stop tearing up

my goddamn yard!

Hey, dad, thanks for telling me

I've been on anti psychotics

for the past 15 years.

- What?

- The blood-pressure medication

I've been on for like half my

life, it's all a freaking lie.

Dad's been getting Dr. carpenter

to prescribe me anti psychotics.

And for good reason.

Ever since you started

taking these,

you stopped seeing

those goddamn ghosts.

Remember how he scared you

all the time,

acting crazy like this,

like he is right now?

Stop it!

You're in big trouble, Raymond.

Big trouble.

- Eve, make the call.

- No.

I won't Donald.

All right. If you want to do

something right

you do it your goddamn self.

What's he doing?

He's having you committed.

Good.

They're coming, Raymond.

The wagon from the nuthouse

is coming to take you away.

Is that a dead body?

Sleep well, Hannah.

It's all right. He's got to go.

- Donald...

- Stop. Stop. Stop it.

Come on.

What... The...

Allow me to explain.

We just reunited a family

in the afterlife

and spared you from the wrath

of a vengeful spirit.

So, on behalf of Becca and I,

I Would just like to say

f*** you, f*** you,

f*** you, f*** you,

and especially, f*** you.

Not you, mom. I love you.

I love you, too.

"F" you!

I ran out of time,

my head in a line

You say, "You're too gone,"

I write you a song

Before I Would start our life,

in my mind

Continue to hold,

continue to hold

Congratulations

on your first day.

- Nervous?

- Yeah, I'm nervous.

I mean, you gave up bartending

to work for me.

What if this doesn't pan out?

I believe in you.

Ready to greet your customers?

Yeah.

Well, it's morning.

Most hauntings happen at night.

I don't need you

to cheer me up.

Everyone, shut the f*** up!

Please sign in,

and we'll get to you

one at a time as fast as we can.

Ohh.

Thanks.

One Saturday,

I took a walk to zipperhead

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