Suburbia Page #3

SOOZE:

At least I have a point of view, you know?

BEE-BEE

Uh-huh.

SOOZE:

I stand for something. And I'm trying to communicate something.

JEFF:

What are you trying to communicate? Tell us.

SOOZE:

So you can give me more sh*t?

JEFF:

No, no. It's an honest question. What are you trying to

communicate?

SOOZE:

I'm trying to communicate how I feel, Jeff. You know raise

consciousness. Make people think for a change.

BEE-BEE

Mn-hm.

JEFF:

"Burger Manifesto, Part One" is gonna make people think?

SOOZE:

Yes, you a**hole.

JEFF:

About what?

SOOZE:

About things that are important to me.

JEFF:

Like what?

SOOZE:

Sexual politics, racism, the environment, the military

industrial...

BEE-BEE

Um-hm.

JEFF:

Wait. Racism? You don't know anybody who's black!

SOOZE:

Of course I do!

JEFF:

Name one.

SOOZE:

God, KAREN JOHNSON.

JEFF:

One!

SOOZE:

Your completely missing the point.

JEFF:

Hey!

SOOZE:

I'm talking about idealism.

BEE-BEE

Responsibility, progress.

SOOZE:

Yes.

JEFF:

No, idealism is guilty, middle class bullshit.

SOOZE:

No, sweetie. Cynicism is bullshit.

JEFF:

No, no, no. I'm not being cynical, I'm being honest.

SOOZE:

But do you stand for anything?

JEFF:

Yes, I stand for -

SOOZE:

What? What do you stand for?

JEFF:

I stand for honesty! I stand for some level of truth!

SOOZE:

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, right. F*** you.

JEFF:

Can I talk here? Let me talk.

SOOZE:

You know, all you know is what's good for you.

JEFF:

Can I talk?

SOOZE:

Typical male.

BEE-BEE

Typical male.

SOOZE:

Typical male.

BEE-BEE

Typical male.

SOOZE:

Tim, he listens to you. Do you think it's a good idea? Seriously?

TIM:

Seriously? It's a great idea.

SOOZE:

Ha! Thank you! See? He did it. He left.

TIM:

I did. I split, man. I expanded my horizons, you know. Served my

country. Saw the world, you know? I've gained wisdom and now I'm

back, baby, back from the road. Me and Jack Kerouac.

The group starts to head back up to the Circle A.

SOOZE:

I can't wait till Pony gets here, you know? Have a conversation

with a human being?

JEFF:

Well, if you love him so much, why didn't you go see him play?

SOOZE:

Um, because you didn't want to go.

JEFF:

Like I'm going to pay twenty bucks to see Neil Moynihan in some

band that I helped start.

SOOZE:

Okay. Well, you know, he's always been a nice guy and I like him.

TIM, BUFF, & JEFF

(in unison)

He's a geek.

BUFF:

Hey, I've been, uh, making these tapes, videotapes. I ripped off

a camcorder up at the mall. I thought, you know, it could be

something that I do, be a video artist, you know.

TIM:

Ladies and gentlemen, Buff, the postmodern idiot savant. He will

outdo us all.

As the group walks up the front walk of the Circle A, Buff spots

Nazzer sweeping up the walk. Buff harges at him, twisting and

turning his hockey stick in mock kung-fu fashion. He stops right

in front of Nazeer.

BUFF:

(in mock kung-fu scream)

It's safe, come on.

NAZEER:

That's it. That's it! I'm calling the police.

JEFF:

Why we're just standing here.

NAZEER:

Look, your trespassing.

BUFF:

Hey, call the cops! Call 'em, call 'em right now, man. Maybe my

cousin Jerry will show up. He'll definitely take your word over

mine. You can tell him about the trespassing. I'll tell him about

how you sell beer to minors.

NAZEER:

Look, look, I'm not joking around now, okay? Come on, let's go,

let's go!

SOOZE:

We're just standing here!

NAZEER:

Just go and stand someplace else, okay?

BUFF:

You stand someplace else, man. You stand someplace else. This is

our corner. You don't f***ing own it!

NAZEER:

Yes I do. My family owns it. It's ours. You don't belong here.

BUFF:

No, you don't belong here. We were here before you.

TIM:

Why don't you go back to where you came from?

SOOZE:

Hey, Tim.

TIM:

No, see, sweetheart, you don't want to stand up for parasite

'cause I can f***in' smell him from here. You know what? Tow

words, man:
roll on.

NAZEER:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you, huh? You f***ing drunk bum.

Yeah, you good-for-nothing. You just, uh, hang around. On my

property.

TIME:

The Hare Krishna's calling me a drunk. Hey, listen, pal, you want

us to go?

NAZEER:

Yeah, please, go. Come on.

TIM:

Make a move. Greasecake. Towel-head.

SOOZE:

Hey, Tim, you know what? You win.

TIM:

F***ing drunk, huh?

SOOZE:

You have the largest penis. Can we go please?

JEFF:

Don't let 'em fight.

BUFF:

The dude wants it.

SOOZE:

This is ridiculous!

JEFF:

Tim!

PAKEESA, Nazeer's wife comes out of the store brandishing a gun.

NAZEER:

Pakeesa? It's okay. Come on. It's okay. Come on, they're just

joking around.

BUFF:

Yeah, we're just screwing around. Like Mohammed said. Can't take

a joke, man? Hey, I hope you got a permit for that, mama!

SOOZE:

We're sorry, okay? We're gonna go.

The group begins to walk away.

TIM:

Hey, your gonna regret this.

SOOZE:

Come on, Jeff.

BUFF:

F*** her! Come on, let's go.

SOOZE:

(from across the parking lot)

Jeff! Let's go!

Jeff is looking at Nazeer.

JEFF:

Hey, I'm sorry about that. It was just a misunderstanding. He was

upset about something and he took it out on you and I'm sorry.

'Bye.

Jeff walks away quickly to catch up with the group.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD - NIGHT

The group is walking down the street. Sooze and Bee-Bee are in

front, a few feet away is Tim who walks by himself, and holding

up the rear are Jeff and Buff.

JEFF:

No, I seriously doubt that Pony's gonna be in a limo.

BUFF:

That's the rock star thing.

JEFF:

No, no.

BUFF:

Oh, I'll bet you he has a babe with him right out of a triple-x

video. Oh, oh, Pony, come on, give it to me! Stud! Oh!

JEFF:

Buff, Buff, Buff, Buff, Buff.

BUFF:

Sorry.

JEFF:

Jesus Christ.

BUFF:

You wanna bet he's with a girl?

JEFF:

No, he's not with a girl.

BUFF:

Oh, right. Oh, oh my God! Pony, it's so huge!

JEFF:

You know what? He probably gets bored with all that sh*t.

BUFF:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, um, how do you figure that?

JEFF:

I'd get bored.

BUFF:

I wouldn't. If I were in his shoes, every morning I'd get up

singing, man. Do my work-out, take a shower, followed by a hearty

breakfast, steak and eggs, washed down with a pot of hot coffee,

six pack of Coors Lite. Then I'd order my bodyguard to go find my

babe, who would appear decked out in her all-black leather

Victoria Secret custom-made bodysuit. So I'd, like, have to chew

off all her clothes until she was completely nude. Except she'd

have these amazing dragon tattoos all over her body and pierced

nipples with little gold peace signs hanging from 'em. And then

she'd take out this half-ounce of blow, we'd snap out a few mondo

lines, vaporize a few million brain cells, screw for about an

hour, then spend the rest of the morning trashed watching

Gilligan.

JEFF:

That sounds so great, man. Yes. Yes. Hey, what would you do in

the afternoon?

BUFF:

Same, more of the same. Yep, just keep doing the same thing all

the time, around and around the clock. With an occasional burger

or slice of thrown in for our vitamins and energy. Then, instead

of watching Gilligan, we'd watch Captain Kirk.

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