Suburbia Page #5

JEFF:

Yeah, I crash there.

PONY:

Yeah, good.

ERICA, Pony's P.A. person steps out of the limo talking on a

cellular phone.

JEFF:

Yeah, most nights I'm just sleeping on the couch.

ERICA:

(into phone)

Yeah, that sounds cool. Great.

She hangs up the phone.

ERICA:

(to Pony)

He says we got to be at the radio station at seven a.m. Can you

handle that?

PONY:

Oh, sure.

ERICA:

Great.

(to Jeff)

Hi. I'm Erica.

PONY:

Oh, Erica, this is my friend Jeff.

ERICA:

Hi, Jeff. Nice to meet you.

PONY:

Jeff, Erica. God, it's so amazing to be back home.

ERICA:

Oh, wow.

PONY:

I mean, we've been playing big places everywhere, but when we did

that sound check at The Orpheum, it suddenly hit me. I'm playing

The Orpheum, you know? I mean, the last time I played here was,

uh, the prom.

JEFF:

The prom. That's funny.

PONY:

Hey, I though you guys were coming to the show, man?

JEFF:

Oh, uh, yeah, we were, but, uh, Sooze, screwed up the tickets.

PONY:

Oh, man, we were pretty on tonight.

ERICA:

Oh, you were excellent tonight, Pony.

PONY:

We were?

ERICA:

Oh, yeah, it was a great show.

(to Jeff)

You guys missed it.

JEFF:

Sorry.

PONY:

So how's college?

JEFF:

I dropped out. I mean, uh, you know, this semester I'm taking a,

a class, you know, three nights a week. But I'm just try-trying

to think and work on stuff., you know? I've been doing some

writing, though. Short pieces, you know.

ERICA:

I love writing. A-Anne Rice? I love Anne Rice.

PONY:

Short pieces, huh? You should try to write songs.

JEFF:

You know, I've thought about that, actually.

PONY:

No, man, I mean it. You're a good writer. I remember those things

you'd write during honors English. Funny sh*t.

ERICA:

Mm.

PONY:

He wrote this thing about his dick once and he read it in front

of the whole class.

ERICA:

I'd love to read that.

PONY:

Funny sh*t, man.

JEFF:

So you think I should?

PONY:

What?

JEFF:

Write. 'Cause I, I have written some things.

PONY:

Like songs?

JEFF:

Yeah, they could be songs.

PONY:

Yeah. You should show 'em to me.

JEFF:

Really?

PONY:

Yeah, really.

JEFF:

Now?

PONY:

Yeah.

A red Jeep Cherokee pulls into the parking lot. Sooze jumps out

from behind the wheel and begins to run towards Jeff and Pony.

JEFF:

Great.

PONY:

Yeah, maybe later.

(to Sooze)

Hey! Hey!

SOOZE:

Pony, oh my god!

PONY:

Hey!

SOOZE:

You showed up. Oh, my god! Holy sh*t! Look at this car, man!

PONY:

Oh, it's stupid, isn't it.

SOOZE:

Is that your driver?

PONY:

It's stupid.

SOOZE:

No, no, it isn't. It's cool.

PONY:

Look at you!

SOOZE:

Oh!

PONY:

Wow. Hey, you look good. Like you, you know, head's in a good

place, you know? You, are still doing your painting?

SOOZE:

Sometimes, yeah. You know, I started to do performances.

PONY:

Oh, yeah?

SOOZE:

So? What's L.A. like?

PONY:

It's pretty exciting.

SOOZE:

Yeah?

PONY:

Yeah.

SOOZE:

Like?

PONY:

Oh, uh... uh, the other night our manager Danny took us to this

restaurant and there was Sandra Bernhard.

SOOZE:

No, she was just sitting there?!

PONY:

Oh, yeah, just sitting there eatin' a salad, you know. That kind

of thing happens all the time in L.A. It's, you know... I met

Johnny Depp.

SOOZE:

You did? I love him. Yeah, you know, I'm thinking of moving to

New York.

PONY:

New York, huh?

SOOZE:

Yeah. To go to school and, you know, paint, performances, paint.

PONY:

You have to go. You always did such, uh, you know, great work. I

still have some of those drawings that you'd do in study hall.

SOOZE:

You do not!

PONY:

I do. Jeff, don't you think Sooze should go to New York and, uh,

you know.

JEFF:

Yeah, uh, that would depend, but yeah. She should.

SOOZE:

Mm.

Buff and Bee-Bee walk up, after they're excursion to the van.

BUFF:

Hey, yes! Hey, Pony, man! Great concert tonight!

PONY:

Oh, you were there?

BUFF:

No, but I heard it was great.

PONY:

Oh, thanks. Thanks.

SOOZE:

Hey, Pony, this is my friend Bee-Bee.

PONY:

Hey.

BEE-BEE

Hi.

PONY:

How're you doing? Nice to meet you.

BUFF:

So tell us, man. Party time, trashin' hotel rooms, babes around

the clock?

PONY:

Naw, naw, we don't have time for all that.

BUFF:

Oh, So what about her?

ERICA:

Hi.

PONY:

Oh, uh, Erica? Erica is the publicist for the band.

ERICA:

Hi, I'm Erica.

SOOZE:

Hey, I'm Sooze.

BUFF:

Yeah, right, publicist.

ERICA:

Nice to meet you Sooze.

(to Bee-Bee)

Hi, I'm Erica.

PONY:

Yeah, she, uh, works for the record company and takes care of

interviews and, you know, sh*t like that, Uh, we were actually

just doin' an interview and Erica said she's like to see

Burnfield, so...

JEFF:

So, do you guys want to do something, go someplace or something

like that?

BUFF:

So, we're all old friends of Pony's. We go way back to our

childhood.

ERICA:

Yeah, he's told me. Burnfield. We all hear about Burnfield.

BUFF:

Mm. You know, does he tell you about how, uh, Jeff, Pony, started

the band...?

ERICA:

Oh, you were in the band?

BUFF:

Yeah.

JEFF:

Well, I helped start it, but, you know, uh...

PONY:

Well, not exactly.

JEFF:

For a while.

PONY:

Well, I mean, we jammed a couple of times. You know, I mean, you

play harmonica, but that was before we were really a band, you

know, before Danny signed us.

ERICA:

Right.

JEFF:

Yeah, well, I, I came by more than a couple times.

Tim walks over to the group.

TIM:

So you came by to see how the other half lives, huh? Well, here

we are, What do you think? Pretty f***ing pathetic huh? Kind of

like one of those documentaries on educational TV?

ERICA:

It's nice here. It's different.

TIM:

Yeah, totally.

(to Pony)

So, uh, what do they interview you about?

PONY:

Well, uh, there's this benefit for Rwanda we're gonna do. And,

uh, you know, my songs, uh, where I get the ideas for them, uh,

you know, stuff like that.

TIM:

Where do you get your ideas?

SOOZE:

Leave him alone, Tim.

TIM:

Uh, excuse me, I'd like to know where he gets his ideas.

SOOZE:

Tim's jealous, you know? He wants to have ideas too.

TIM:

Yeah. Yeah, I'm jealous of MTV faggots who are named after

animals.

SOOZE:

Jeff!

BUFF:

Your his publicist?

ERICA:

Sure I am. It's fun.

BUFF:

Mm. And your like, what else?

Bee-Bee watches Buff flirt with Erica. He face grows a long

scorn.

ERICA:

What do you mean? His girlfriend?

BUFF:

Well, that's one way of putting it.

ERICA:

Am I f***ing him?

BUFF:

Sh*t.

ERICA:

Pony, what would you say our relationship is?

PONY:

Um, mother-daughter.

ERICA:

Pony and I are friends.

BUFF:

So, then, you're, like, available?

ERICA:

In what way?

BUFF:

Mm, in a horizontal and wet way!

Buff shakes a can of beer at crotch level, sending foam and beer

spray everywhere.

SOOZE:

Ew! Oh, Buff! Relax!

TIM:

Why don't you f***ing relax? He's having verbal intercourse,

Sooze.

ERICA:

Oh, god!

SOOZE:

No, he's not. He's objectifying her and he's entertaining us at

her expense.

ERICA:

Oh, it's okay. What's your name?

BUFF:

Buff.

ERICA:

Buff is funny. God.

TIM:

Buff is funny, okay? She likes Buff, so why don't you whip shut

the feminist hole.

SOOZE:

Hey, why don't you swallow your cock and choke on it? Oh, I

forgot, it's not big enough.

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