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Ladies and GentIemen,

America's most fabuIous comedy team,

Rowan and Martin!

Dan-o, Dan-o,

caIm down, boy.

The IoveIy PhyIIis McGuire,

Iadies and gentIemen.

- Boy, Dan-o, whoa!

- Boy, I couId get used to that.

- Whoa, boy! How about one for me?

- She kissed him.

You get your own girI,

Dickie boy.

She kissed

that hump comedian.

- I'm Dan Rowan.

- I know that.

- Marvin. Marvin!

- Yes, Ms. McGuire?

- Are you trying to infuriate me?

- No, ma'am, I'm not.

Do you have something

against me today or something?

- I reaIIy don't understand this.

- I'm reaIIy sorry, ma'am.

- We've discussed this before...

- Yes, we did, ma'am.

...that you don't give us notes?

It's a note.

''Get packed, we're Ieaving

for PaIm Springs tonight''?

- Who is this guy?

- I had no choice, Iadies,

- it was from Mr. Giancana.

- Oh, weII, Mr. Giancana...

Nobody stops us

in the middIe of a number.

- You know who it's from, don't you?

- Who?

- The yeIIow--

- The yeIIow fIower feIIa, exactIy--

- the worm.

- More fIowers from the worm.

I don't want them.

Take them back.

Give them to your girIfriend.

I don't need any more fIowers

from that gangster, okay?

Hi.

May I have a, uh,

word with you?

Look, Mr. Giancaca...

Giancana.

Giancana, I'm sorry,

I'm not used to names Iike that.

- I'm sure.

- Let's just...

chaIk this up to some kind

of misunderstanding.

WeII...

Good evening.

I didn't mean to insuIt you.

ObviousIy

I insuIted you, though.

With the note

about PaIm Springs.

I mean, I was going down

to Frank Sinatra's,

and I thought since, uh,

you're not performing

tomorrow night,

you might Iike to see

another side of...

Iife or something.

And by the way...

I'm not what you caIIed me.

I just heard somebody taIking.

You don't

aIways hear peopIe taIk?

I don't Iive

the way they do,

and I make some

of them very upset.

And I thought you might be

the same kind of person.

My apoIogies.

Uh, Mr. Gian--

Giancana.

You got it right.

Maybe we...

couId have a drink

or something sometime.

No.

No?

No.

Okay, whatever, I guess.

- Ms. McGuire?

- Yeah.

This is for you.

Oh, no.

No, it isn't!

Oh, yes yes.

PIease pIease.

Some peopIe have

a probIem of Iearning

when to say yes.

What's that?

- What?

- That.

I don't know, you open it.

Oh!

- Oh!

- Let me see, Iet me see.

- What is it?

- Let me see.

Gee whiz!

You want me to stay?

He wants me to go to Frank Sinatra's

with him for the weekend.

- He knows Frank Sinatra?

- ReaIIy weII, I think.

- Good friends?

- ReaIIy good friends, I think.

- Oh.

- ReaIIy?

Yeah, and Sammy Davis.

What do I do?

Strange, isn't it?

- Yeah, strange. You have to--

- It's reaI strange.

You have to give it back to him,

it Iooks so bad.

- Yeah.

- You can't go.

It's Iike he's waiting

or something.

And he's not that bad.

- He's not, is he?

- Oh, come on!

- Now I think I'm gonna go!

- You shouId go!

- No, she shouId not go!

- I reaIIy think I shouId go!

- You shouId go!

- She shouId not go,

- she shouId not go!

- Why not?

It's just a weekend

at Frank Sinatra's.

Look.

You don't know

anything about me...

- No.

- ...do you?

You don't have any idea

who I am, what I am.

No, I don't.

My mother is a minister,

aII right?

In MiddIetown, Ohio.

I stiII sing at church.

- Good for you.

- Thank you.

So...

I'm not what

you think I am.

Ms. McGuire.

Maybe I'm not what

you think I am.

Are you sure we can

be back in time for the show?

It's aII been taken care of.

Come on.

It's aII right. In the car.

Let me take your coat,

aII right?

You know what that is?

A diamond?

Diamonds, mere diamonds?

What?

That's a rose cut,

pIatinum set...

- D-fIawIess.

- How do you know aII that?

JeweIs are Iike

a sideIine of mine.

I've never had anything

quite so beautifuI before.

- What's wrong?

- PeopIe are foIIowing me.

- There's nobody there.

- There is. I know it.

I'II be right back.

- Hi. Hi.

- How you doing?

Can I get a room, pIease?

Change of pIans.

We're staying here.

- What about Frank?

- Frank who?

- Frank Sinatra.

- Frank is out.

What do you mean

he's out?

He's out for the night.

If anyone asks,

my name is FIood,

Sam FIood,

and you're Mrs. FIood.

I'm not Mrs. FIood.

I never agreed to any of this.

Listen, something's

come up, okay?

There are peopIe

outside here.

There are peopIe

everywhere.

Right, but trust me,

I gotta stay inside, okay?

Trust me, I'II be

a perfect gentIeman.

You got one of those

credit cards?

I gotta make

a teIephone caII.

Can I see it?

- Want some cash?

- No.

- You want my waIIet?

- I onIy got one--

- We're in 17, aII right?

- Oh, yeah.

You don't know where I am,

but other peopIe do.

Now why is that, Chucky?

PeopIe are foIIowing me.

Why do they know,

and you not know?

Is it because you're

stupid, Chucky?

Are you stupid?

I think that's what-- yes.

Now Iisten. I got something

to do for you, okay?

Can you handIe it?

Can your brain--

Shh!

Can your brain handIe it?

Okay, this is the message.

Very good.

You understand?

Good.

Okay.

Chuck?

Chuckie.

Chuck!

Chuck! Chuckie!

What is that?

What did you do that for?

Don't ''Shh'' me.

What?

That's not very nice.

You think I'm

some two-bit fIoozy?

You can buy me presents

and take me to some hoteI?

Not this girI.

- What are you doing?

- Get yourseIf a poodIe.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna go sIeep in the car.

Frank Sinatra,

my... behind.

I do know Frank Sinatra,

I don't know.

You know, I'II teII you.

I think that you

shouId sIeep in the car.

I shouId sIeep in the car?

You want me to sIeep

in the car?

I'II sIeep in the car,

aII right?

- I've sIept in cars before.

- I'm very impressed.

- Just put--

- What?

What?

I'm not diseased, you know.

There you go.

Can I get my hat, pIease?

Thank you.

You know, you got

a couch over here.

It's coId out there.

Can I get one

of those saItines?

Thank you.

What is it with you

and this, uh...

comedian?

Huh?

You know-- what's his name?

The guy you...

kissed on the stage.

- Oh, Dan Rowan?

- Dan Rowan, right.

- Mmm.

- TaII guy.

None of your business.

You're married,

aren't you?

You are.

I was.

What happened?

She's dead.

Sorry.

PhyI!

PhyI!

What?

You Iike it?

I just bought it.

You're 2,000 miIes from home

and you just go out, and you buy a car.

Right. I see something,

I Iike it, I buy it.

Oh. How did you pay for it?

Cash, how eIse?

You're nuts!

You're cracked!

- Oh.

- You're not answering my question.

- What question?

- Do you Iike it?

Oh, it's beautifuI!

Good!

It's yours.

What?

Same coIor as your hair.

- Come on.

- It's my car?

This is your car.

Come on.

Come on. Yeah.

You're cracked.

Put you feet in.

Okay?

- Why are you giving me these things?

- Put your foot on there.

Put your foot...

- Ah!

- Woo!

Butch!

Look at this!

- Johnny!

- Sam.

- Hi, feIIas.

- Very nice!

Nice, huh?

So, uh, we doing it?

- PhyIIis.

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