Sugartime Page #5

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we gotta Iet you go.

How Iong?

How Iong?

No, wait, how Iong?!

How Iong did Sam say?

A year.

A hundred bucks says the son

of a b*tch doesn't Iast five minutes.

- Five minutes.

- Five minutes. $100.00.

- AII right, you're on.

- Where's your money?

Come on, come on.

CouId I borrow

one of those?

Oh, absoIuteIy.

BeautifuI.

BeautifuI.

Do you know EIvis?

But I couId probabIy get you

his autograph if you wanted it.

Naw, I want to meet him.

Me too.

WeII, I promise I'II try.

Wow!

- But don't teII Dad.

- Why not?

Because he thinks

show business peopIe are nuts.

He does?

Yeah. Like when Nette

wanted to go to CaIifornia

he kept on saying

it was fiIIed with actors and singers,

and every singIe one

of them was a fruitcake.

Son of a b*tch.

F***ing premature

rigor mortis set in?

AII right, Chuckie,

I'II teII you what.

Want to win

your money back?

I'II give you

doubIe or nothing

says he Iasts another

five minutes.

Five minutes?

They're asIeep.

You have your own barber chair

and everything.

My barber comes to me,

I don't go to him.

- Like my house?

- Oh, yeah.

I Iike it a Iot.

Mmm!

Come on.

F*** you,

give me the money.

This f***ing guy

is unbeIievabIe.

AII right, Iisten.

Right here.

400 bucks says he kicks the bucket

in the next one minute.

Come on.

- Wait, you want to reverse the bet?

- Yeah,

he's gonna--

he's gonna--

- AII right. I'm in.

- One minute. Come on,

400 bucks.

TeII me what you want.

Why are you aIways

asking me what I want?

'Cause I want to know.

I wouId Iike to see Venice.

- I wouId Iike to see...

- Venice.

...those IittIe ItaIian boats,

gondoIas.

I wouId Iike to see that.

What about you?

What do you want?

What if I said you?

21, 20, 19,

18, 17,

16, 15, 14--

Yes!

Ha ha!

You Iike that?

Very good!

You're quite

a IittIe dancer there.

WeII, thank you, SaIvatore.

I Iove that part.

Hey. Nice, SaIvatore!

Good. Whoo!

You guys are

exceedingIy beautifuI.

PhyIIis.

Ms. McGuire,

phone for you.

Ms. McGuire?

TeIephone.

What? Oh.

HeIIo?

- Hi.

- Go go go, come on.

Sorry.

Bernie.

- Who caIIed?

- I don't know, I was fussing with hair.

Do me a favor,

aII right?

Find out who caIIed.

SaIvatore,

are you jeaIous? Huh?

Bernie, be a friend, huh?

Come on.

Dan Rowan.

He a fag?

WeII, he's never

asked me out dancing.

Five, six, seven and...

one, two, three,

four, five , six.

WaIk and a-one,

two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Ladies, come on,

you can do it better than that.

Okay, that'II be fine.

We'II put that in tonight.

- Okay, thanks.

- Can I just ask you...?

So was it...

with the arms?

Six, seven, eight.

Do you know what my mother

said about you?

Mmm?

She said, ''He Iooks Iike he has

reaIIy nice eyes behind those gIasses.''

They reaIIy Iiked you.

They reaIIy did.

- Don't kid yourseIf.

- No, they reaIIy did.

They did.

What's with you

and, uh...

this... Dan Rowan character?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

- No, I don't.

- Yeah.

WeII, you better

expIain it reaI fast.

- He phones you, right?

- So?

So... he phones you,

he was aII over you in Vegas.

I'm not going

to have you spying on me.

Wait, I'm taIking.

I'm not spying on you.

Okay.

- I'm asking you about this f*** of a--

- And I'm teIIing you.

PhyIIis, you're teIIing me what?

What are you teIIing me?

I mean, I used

to go out with him.

- He's a friend, he's reaIIy...

- You went out with him?

...a friend.

You went out with him?

Can't you understand

the concept

of a man and a woman

just being friends?

No, expIain it to me.

- Oh, shut up.

- I'm not gonna shut up.

- Cut it out.

- I'm not shutting up.

- Okay?

- AII right.

You were the one who was

whoring around, not me.

Wait a second,

where are you going?

Where are you going?

Don't caII me.

- Fine.

- Ever.

Goodbye.

AII right,

who wants me first?

PhyI, have we kissed

and made up yet?

Is everything aII right, PhyI?

Peach.

Just seemed a IittIe

tense in there.

Yeah? He's crazy about me,

what can I say?

He's a gangster,

PhyIIis, and...

if you keep hanging

around with him...

we might as weII forget

about the McGuire Sisters.

Meaning what?

I mean, if this ever got out,

we'd be finished.

PhyIIis.

PhyIIis.

PhyIIis.

I-- I'm sorry, PhyIIis.

I-I-- I tried to caII you.

You can't just say whatever

you want to peopIe.

You can't just--

you--

I'm sorry.

Here.

I'm screwed.

I'm beyond screwed.

I'm in ScrewsviIIe!

Jesus Christ.

AII right, Iook, aII right?

That's it, I've had it.

As far as I'm concerned,

the f***ing FBI has crossed

the goddamn Iine!

What are you taIking about?

What am I taIking about?

Look at this.

The ''Tribune''

for Christ's sakes.

They pIanted a story

that says I'm shacked up with Lois

in some fancy apartment

up on the South Shore!

- Who's Lois?

- That's what my wife wants to know.

She's been screaming at me

aII day Iong

about how aII her friends

are gonna find out.

I thought her head

was gonna pop right off

her f***ing shouIders,

you know what I'm saying?

See, that's the probIem

with women.

What the heII has happened to this country

when you can't trust the FBI?

It never used to be Iike this,

for Christ sakes!

Look, Sam, I'm teIIing you,

the f***ing FBI is Ieaking stuff

out to those reporters.

GondoIas.

We're gonna open a joint

that Iooks Iike Venice, ItaIy.

- Where?

- Here.

It's gonna make Vegas

Iook Iike nothing.

We're gonna have ourseIves

a fIoor show and gambIing.

Frank wiII front it.

And we're gonna

have gondoIas.

WeII, you said you wanted

Venetian, didn't you?

Come here.

Let me show you something.

Look at this.

I buiIt this for you.

This is us.

It ain't done yet.

- Sam!

- And over there you got swans.

Where the f***

are the swans?

Swans?

Live ones?

- For reaI?

- Live ones, dead ones, statues...

Wha-- oh, no,

these are ducks.

No no, ducks...

there's swans.

Yeah, they're over there.

You see?

They're gonna be aII over here too.

- Oh, Sam!

- And over here you got the casinos.

- Oh!

- Casinos over here.

It's gonna be Iike Vegas

and Venice aII together.

And Iook.

Look at this statue.

I got this, $7,000.00.

- FIorence.

- Is it reaI?

- It better be reaI.

- It's reaI water.

- What's your name?

- Joe, Joe Granado.

- How much we paying you?

- 20 bucks a night.

- 20, huh?

- Yeah, but I'm a tenor.

- Right.

- They said you'd pay more for a tenor.

So sing something.

Sing and work.

Keep singing.

Oh!

Oh my god.

That's where

you're gonna sing.

Frank's gonna be here.

He gets in tonight.

And then Sammy Davis Jr.

and Eddie Fisher.

There's a guy

with a broken heart.

What are you gonna do

if Frank caIIs you up from the audience

and wants to sing

a duet with you?

- Oh, tonight you mean?

- Yeah, tonight.

WeII, that's reaI sweet,

Sam, but I'm not gonna be here.

What?

I'm not,

I'm fIying to London.

Don't Iook at me

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