Suicide Kings Page #3

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We'll let him go

and we'll be

out of the house, pal.

All right. Now, uh,

call me crazy,

But, uh,

this is my house.

Guys, don't you think

you should have maybe

consulted me first ?

- Christ, Ira, you never

would have gone for it.

- Goddamn right i wouldn't !

You cut the man's

finger off.

You guys are

all f***ing sick !

You're a bunch

of f***ing sickos !

get out now. Let's go.

Right now.

Who knows we're here ?

Nobody. It's a

wrong number, probably.

Did anybody tell anybody

we were going to be here ?

- Ira ?

- No.

Ira.

Uh, yeah, maybe somebody.

Two guys.

Oh, two guys.

F***, f***, f*** !

Brian and michael.

Sh*t ! god, Ira.

So what ? I thought we were

gonna be playing poker,

Not kidnapping don corleone

here. Sh*t. Sorry.

- No, no. That's all right.

- I meant that

with all due respect.

-How much you pay

for those shoes ?

- About $85 In payless.

- You think i give a f*** ?

- What brand are they ?

Who gives a sh*t ?

You don't even

f***in' know.

See, i give a sh*t

about my footwear. Okay ?

A f***ing guy can't go out

and spend his own money

on f***in' clothes ?

What the f***

is goin' on

in this country ?

I didn't say you c--

did i miss a f***in'

meeting or something ?

Ira.

I have to pee.

- I'm not doin' it here.

- No, he is not

doing it there.

Well, i guess he's not

doing it at all, then.

How's that, Ira ?

- We could untie

one of his hands.

- Guys, what are you, crazy ?

Do you remember what happened

the last time this guy's

hands were untied ?

He almost killed

all four of us.

His hands stay.

Why don't we just wheel

the whole contraption-- the

chair with mr. Barret in it--

We wheel it

in the bathroom and--

- And ?

- Well, i don't know.

We can tie one of his hands

to something in there,

tie the other to something else.

- What about the third hand ?

- What ? What third ?

One to unzip his fly,

pull his dick out--

whoa !

- Aim it. Please aim it.

- Aiming is good.

What the hell is that ?

It's a vase.

Hasn't anybody here

ever heard of a bedpan ?

No. Come on !

do you have

a better idea ?

-It's from sri lanka.

- Here, these are for you.

- This isn't funny, t.k.

- Someone's still gotta

hold it.

All right, all right.

Look, since i'm in charge,

f*** it. Max, you do it.

F*** that, i'm not doin' it.

Avery, you can do it.

- No, i'm not doin' it.

- Guys, it's my dick. I pick.

I am the closest thing

to an m.d. On the premises.

I will take care of mr. Barret's

bodily functions.

Anybody wants to hold hands

with my dick,

I insist they buy me

a drink first.

I mean, after all,

i'm not asking for

dinner and dancing.

You know, i'm not asking

for a commitment.

[ T.k. ]

No, i'm sorry, mr. Barret.

That's not such a good idea.

Excuse me, mr. Lawrence.

A phone call.

Charlie ? Just a minute.

Thank you, Christopher, and will

you keep the girl's glass

topped till i get back ?

Yes, sir.

Thanks a lot.

Are you all right ?

Would i call you

if i was all right ?

- Okay, so what's going on ?

- This one you are not

gonna believe.

Take me off

the speaker phone, will you ?

No, no.

- Off the speaker phone, please.

- Attorney-client privilege.

- You're not in

the f***ing courtroom. No.

- No.

- Why does it matter ?

- We won't hear what the guy

on the other end is saying.

- They speak in codes.

- Avery, geez.

They could speak in codes.

- What are you talking about ?

They could

speak in codes. It would

be like, "are you all right ?"

"no." "yes."

uh, "i'll be all right."

- Yeah.

- What the hell

is goin' on there ?

- I've been kidnapped.

- Christ. What for ?

$2,000,000.

No, no, no, i mean,

You, know, what for ?

Whatever you do,

don't send your kid

to boarding school.

Boarding school.

Look, who's got ya,

Why have they got ya,

and what do they want ?

What the f***

we supposed to do

with this ?

I was gonna

make brownies.

Good idea.

I need to know who took her,

where they got her--

The whole nine yards--

and i need to know now.

All right. Listen,

is there some place

that i can call you ?

One second.

What's the phone number ?

- Get real, Charlie.

- If my people are

able to find your friend,

How are they

supposed to let us know ?

You didn't think this through

too good, did you ?

T.k., give me

your beeper.

Uh-uh. No way you're gonna use

my beeper as an accessory

to kidnapping, man.

- What are you, kidding ?

- Give me the number.

Give me it back.

Give me the number.

-F*** you.

- Come on.

Give me the number.

F*** you.

I think i'll--

Nice try; too slow.

Always too slow.

T.k., i think i'll

call chickie and tell her

i need your beeper number...

'cause i haven't seen you

for like eight hours-- not since

i saw you with that other girl.

- Chickie.

- It's for elise. Help us out.

850-6369. Can you dial seven

after you dial the number ?

Sure.

Thanks.

You got that ?

Got it.

Good. Don't waste time.

Charlie, you gotta--

you gotta help me out, here.

This is gonna take a while.

Yeah.

Get ahold of lono.

You know what i mean.

Ah, this f***in' guy.

Get off the f***in' car.

Get off the car.

Get off the f***in' car.

Get off the f***in' car.

- Okay ! just give me

a dollar, okay ?

- What ?

You got a benz,

i got a "busket" !

give me a dollar !

- A "busket" ?

Give me the busket.

- No !

- Give me the busket.

- Uh-uh.

Tell you what. I'll give you

five hundred bucks

for that busket.

All right ?

- Okay.

- Put the bottle

in the busket,

Put the rag in the busket,

and hand it to me.

- Come on. Leave him alone.

- Get a hotel, get a room,

shower, shave,

Get a suit, get a job,

and get off the sauce.

If i see you...

In the streets again

with a busket, i'm gonna

f***in' shoot you, all right ?

- R-right.

- Okay. All right. Screw.

- You're all right, man.

- All right.

You're all right,

man.

All right.

All these guys need

is a little guidance

sometimes, you know ?

- F*** !

- you got a cigarette, maybe ?

- Gimme the gun.

Gimme the f***in' gun.

- Come on. Leave him alone.

Get back in the car.

F*** ! you f***in' prick !

F*** ! goddamn it !

Jesus Christ !

F***in' piss !

sh*t !

Do you f***in' believe

i gave that guy

five hundred bucks ?

Jesus !

between him and the boots,

you're down two grand.

Don't ever mention

the f***in' boots to me again.

You got that ?

Sorry, lono.

I'm kidding.

It's not f***in' funny.

I don't want to hear about

any f***in' kind of footwear

from you ever again.

I won't. I won't.

Don't even talk about

f***in' socks to me.

All right. I won't.

I won't.

Don't touch any buttons,

for Christ's sake.

Yeah.

Lono, it's me, Marty.

I just got off the phone

with Charlie.

-He's been kidnapped.

-Kidnapped ?

- Is he all right ?

- Well, he's alive.

- My arm. It's numb.

Could you get the tape--

- leave him. He'll live.

- Somebody gotta get me a drink.

- Why don't i get that for you ?

It's a good idea.

- Thanks.

- Max, mixing alcohol with pain

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