Sun Dogs

---

1

I'll save you.

- Did I get anything yesterday?

- Oh...

Let me guess,

Al-Qaeda oven mitts.

Rudy Giuliani placemats.

"Tuesday, September 11th, 2001,

dawned temp...

temper... temperate,

and nearly cloudless..."

On September 11th, 2001,

it was dawned...

temperate and nearly cloudless

in the eastern United States.

Honey, you didn't see Bob at

the casino last night, did you?

Temperate and nearly cloudless.

- Okay.

- And nearly cloudless.

Don't forget we're going

to the Golden Corral tonight

to celebrate, okay?

Let's see if we can make it this year.

I put cookies in your bag

in case you get hungry on the bus.

Look good?

Looks good.

On September 11th, 2001,

it was dawned temperate

and nearly cloudless

in the eastern United States.

September 11th, 2001.

The names of the dead

were read at ground zero this morning

on the third anniversary

of the attack on our nation...

Well, hello, Mr. Chipley.

Ned Chipley to see

Master Sergeant Foutz, ma'am.

Oh, Master Sergeant Foutz

is no longer with this office.

He was reassigned.

Do you wanna talk

to Staff Sergeant Kendrick?

Thank you, ma'am.

Sir?

Yes, can you come back

to the front office, please?

Thank you.

He'll be right with you.

- Thank you, ma'am.

- You are welcome.

Ned Chipley reporting for duty, sir.

Easy there, soldier.

What can we do you for?

Sir, I'm tired of these terrorists.

And I'm ready to be a member...

Member of the most elite fighting force

in the world...

sir!

All right, let's talk in Jenkins's office,

shall we?

Yes, thank you, sir.

May I keep this, sir?

If you stop saying "sir,"

you can take whatever you like.

Just relax.

I'm just gonna ask you

some routine questions.

You can take a seat.

Okay.

Did you get my letters, sir?

Your letters?

My training progress,

I sent them to Master Sergeant Foutz.

Well, Master Sergeant Jenkins

just replaced Foutz...

so I don't know anything

about any training letters.

Hm.

We have to get Bin Laden, sir.

We're working on that, son.

Seriously, you don't need

to keep saying "sir."

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm not claustrophobic and I know

how to build a fire and find water.

I've studied survival techniques.

I've been sleeping on the floor

so I can have field readiness.

I've also read the 9/11 commission report.

Is there any medical conditions

we should know about, Chipley?

But I felt like I needed

to improve my physical fitness.

And as you can see, I have done that

by doing the Marine workout,

and through mixed martial arts training

and Jeet Kune Do.

Bruce Lee did Jeet Kune Do.

Master Sergeant Foutz

knows all about this.

Do you know where he is, sir?

I do not.

Can we call him?

Look, it seems like you've put

a lot of time and effort

- into your preparation, so...

- Yes, sir.

If you could just fill this out for me...

- and I will be right back.

- Thank you, sir.

Temperate and nearly cloudless, sir.

What's in the case, soldier?

Chips Ahoy, sir.

Chips Ahoy cookies.

Full body improvement, check.

Jeet Kune Do, check.

Afghanistan, check.

Bin Laden, check.

- This is Master Sergeant Jenkins.

- Ned Chipley reporting for duty, sir.

At ease, son.

Sir, I'm ready.

Ready to be a member of the most

elite fighting force in the world.

And I hate terrorists.

You the young man writing

all those letters to Foutz, son?

Yes, sir. Master Sergeant Foutz.

Hm.

Okay, good.

We got your name and social.

Yes, sir.

This is my fourth attempt to enlist.

Excellent.

I'll tell you what, partner.

We'll run these through

the appropriate channels,

something comes up,

we'll call you first thing.

No, I mean...

I wanna join up right now.

I wanna prove my heroism.

I don't think we can help right now.

Sir, I've made improvements.

Now, hold on a minute.

Just... Wait, hold on a second.

See?

- Ned...

- I put on 15 pounds of muscle mass.

- Son...

- I can do 60 push-ups without stopping

and 100 if you give me

a 30-second break.

I can run six miles in 42 minutes.

- Ned...

- I watch all of Randy Couture's fights.

- I can mix martial arts.

- Now, son...

- That's not how it works.

- Please, sir.

I will go to the caves.

- Okay.

- I will leave no man behind.

Son, please put your shirt back on.

I can do 100 push-ups.

- Forget the break.

- Now, hold on now.

- And, one, two...

- Ned.

- ...three, four...

- Ned.

- ...five...

- Hold on, son.

...six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14,

15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20...

Now, son, get up

and put your shirt back on.

...21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26,

27, 28, 29, 30, 31,

32, 33, 34, 35...

Ned, come on, honey!

Golden Coral, it's your night.

We're gonna have fun.

Let's go!

I don't suppose you've seen him.

No.

He's probably down there

sulking in the cougar suit.

- Same as when they canned him from the hospital.

- There were a lot of cutbacks that year.

Same as when they found

that girl in the lake.

The Andersons were very

grateful for his help.

Same as when he was

the mascot in the first place.

Ned! Oh, my God. - He was gonna score.

- Please, wait.

That's my son. He's not dangerous.

Please let him go.

- Sorry, Mom, he was gonna score.

- Sweetheart, are you all right?

Mom, I got him.

- He just wants to help.

- That's not the point.

I don't know why you let him

chase these pipe dreams, Rose.

The Marine Corps?

He's been going down there

every year since 9/11,

and every year

the same thing happens,

and you're always surprised

when we have to cancel

the kid's birthday dinner.

I mean, they kicked him out

of a volunteer fire department,

for God's sake.

When is enough, enough?

Well, it's not like

you're any help either,

watching those movies

with him every single night.

No one in their right mind

would watch The Deer Hunter

and want to enlist!

Really?

You know what I mean.

Don't worry about it.

The kid's a rubber ball.

Is there a possibility we could watch

something else, just for a change?

- How about Platoon?

- Yeah, well, that's...

Okay, forget it.

I can give you a lift to work,

if you want?

Thought I'd run and see Jojo,

you know, see how he's doing.

I might have to borrow

some gas money though.

Don't tell your mother.

Time to roll, Bobby De Niro.

What did I tell you, Ned?

Don't talk to the customers.

I've been getting a couple complaints.

I was close.

Security, your little friend is back.

All right, I'm leaving, Sameer. I'm leaving.

Back off! I said I'm leaving.

Back off! I said I'm leaving.

Excuse me!

Hey!

Hey, looks like my ride split.

Any chance I can get a lift with you?

You gotta get some new material, honey.

You told me that last week.

Well, what can I say? People leave.

- Come on, the night is young.

- And so are you.

I'll give you this though,

you are a good-looking

little son of a b*tch.

But I can't.

I gotta get home to my old lady.

Well, I don't see no ring.

We're old school.

We don't need rings.

Sh*t, everybody needs a ring.

Have a good one.

Hey, Tally.

Hey, Lyle.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes