Sunshine State Page #4

I had my chance, Miss Delia.

It just didn't happen.

I must say, my youthful aspirations

had nothing to do...

...with becoming the Sarah Bernhardt

of Delrona Beach.

We adjust.

You would've been stunning

as Cleopatra.

I was starting to show.

I played Juliet...

...when I was five-months pregnant

with my twins.

Hello there, come on in.

-You remember my mother?

-Mrs. Temple.

So nice to see you.

And this is my-- This is Terrell.

Terrell is....

-It's sort of a favour.

-Whatever I can do.

The social worker down

at the courthouse recommended you...

-...because you have a program--

-For community service.

I can always use another volunteer.

Do you have any acting experience?

-No, ma'am.

-But he knows how to use tools.

Anything you can think of,

Terrell can put it together.

Then you can do me a great service,

Terrell.

My character, Addie Bundren,

is deceased.

In the second act, I rise from the dead

for my soliloquy...

...but the local funeral parlour

has nothing suitably rustic.

Do you think you could you build me

a coffin?

"We hereby claim sovereignty

over this island...

...in the name of his majesty,

Philip el Segundo of Spain.

Furthermore, this tribunal declares

the mulatto, Calavera...

...otherwise known as Captain Skull,

guilty of piracy on the high seas...

...a crime against God and nature, and

sentence him to be cast into the sea...

...there to perish by drowning."

Does the condemned have

a final statement?

A curse on the lot of you.

Up the Jolly Roger!

Thus was the black flag

of the buccaneer...

...replaced by that

of Imperial Spain...

...one of many reversals of fortune...

...that mark the colourful history

of our community.

We'd like to thank Presto Pools

for the equipment, and remind you...

...that the annual Treasure Hunt

will begin tomorrow at the Delrona Mall.

Entrants should meet

at the Piercing Pagoda at 10:00.

-Guess who I met earlier?

-You're not telling people I'm back?

I didn't recognize him without the helmet.

But you remember a football player

named Flash Phillips?

Every step we take is on someone's toes.

This town expects me to work miracles

with a handful of volunteers.

This bunch from Lincoln Beach say

they're gonna picket our groundbreaking.

-They complain about parking....

-The whole point is to be away from that.

-This afternoon was embarrassing.

-What? No! I thought it went fine.

-For a Chamber of Commerce thing.

-Nobody came.

-Turnout was terrific.

-Something isn't clicking.

I worked this one place,

they had the blessing of the fleet.

A bishop in his hat,

boats all dolled up. What a draw.

-I can't do religious here.

-True.

And what's our fleet? A bunch

of charter boats and day sailers.

-You got history to burn.

-People hate history.

You got Indians, pirates,

Spanish gold, that plantation thing.

Mass murder, rape, slavery.

So Disneyfy it a little, and they'll

come back. All you need is a hook.

I once worked this place in Wisconsin.

It was all built on wurst.

-Wurst?

-Weisswurst, Bratwurst, Knackwurst.

Bavarian people.

Lots of strudel shops...

...and service people

in leather shorts and dirndls.

-And this worked?

-The beer got them in the mood.

-Free liquor.

-I like a woman in a dirndl.

I hired this guy to be an attraction.

He used to be a big Seminole.

-Indian?

-Not the Seminoles! The Seminoles.

The football team?

Of course. What would I want

with a real Indian?

He used to be a big deal. Hung out

at Lincoln Beach, drove a Mustang....

-A local hero! That's good.

-I just hope he shows up.

-What's his favourite thing to eat?

-Small children.

Is he alive?

-Can't hardly say.

-Why show a dead alligator?

Did you pay anything to look at him?

Then don't complain.

-He was the last of the Mohicans.

-No, they were already extinct.

He was a Shawnee or Pawnee.

Here's Billy, he'll know.

-Chief!

-Yo, a**hole.

What kind of Indian was that guy

on Daniel Boone?

-He was Jewish.

-I don't mean the actor, the character.

-How should I know?

-Aren't you a full-blooded whatever?

-Creek.

-Regular Creek or sh*t creek?

-So where was Daniel Boone?

-In the woods.

More specific than that.

Can't you tell by Indian lore?

-Lore?

-You know, like the trees or something?

-What the hell do I know about trees?

-Didn't your ancestors--?

My parents sold lawn ornaments

to stupid white people.

-You're shitting me.

-Get you a good deal on ceramic ducks.

-I couldn't really pin her down.

-But you planted the idea in her head?

She said her father decided.

Last thing we need is to deal

with some old gomer.

-The mother?

-No, she's a flake.

She runs a theatre group,

finds homes for retired greyhounds.

She never set foot in the restaurant.

She won't be any help,

but she won't get in the way.

-So we're back to the daughter.

-The old man ran the show 24-7.

The daughter, she's paying four people

to handle the same load.

-She wants a life.

-Her rack rate is too low for that.

-The restaurant.

-The restaurant's a wash.

You know the money a successful

franchise could make in that spot?

-All she's doing is taking up space.

-Now she's taking up space at the bar.

You see?

This is not a dedicated professional.

You're not having another of those?

-Saw Steve at the pirate thing today.

-They hang him?

Walked the plank.

-He needs to talk to you.

-Why doesn't he come by the motel?

Maybe due to the restraining order?

You had him arrested in the parking lot.

-He was drunk as a skunk.

-He's club soda and lime now.

-Why do you always wanna defend him?

-I'm not. I'm just saying he's on the wagon.

-Your golf pro was in the other night.

-Not my golf pro.

He's 10 years younger than me.

Besides, he's going on tour.

Like Tiger Woods on TV?

I don't think he'll get as much airtime

as Tiger.

-Did he ask you to go with him?

-It didn't come up.

You want to?

A guy over there has been

checking you out.

Be still, my beating heart.

-What's he look like?

-Not bad.

-Tattoos?

-None visible.

Shirt say "Go Gators"

or "Stomp 'em, Seminoles"?

-It doesn't say anything.

-Obviously not my type.

He's cute.

I'm gonna turn around only to see what

falls under your definition of cute.

If you're at 12:
00,

he's about 3:
30.

Trying to imagine what it would be

like without us crackers?

-You're everywhere.

-Small island.

I didn't mean to be intrusive before.

I thought they'd contacted you.

Don't worry about it. There's days I imagine

it all blowing away in a hurricane.

-Must be a lot of work being a hotelier.

-Motelier. And we got the restaurant.

-I hated working there as a kid.

-And now?

I got three girls working for me

hate it as much as I do.

-Why do you...?

-Poetic justice. What are you drinking?

-Draft. How about you?

-Shots. Tequila.

If you're gonna drink,

why f*** around?

You're from up north.

They say everybody here is

from somewhere else.

-Not me. I'm sixth generation. At least.

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