Superstar Page #6

But first, let's not forget...

we would not be here tonight

if it wasn't for VD.

VD rules !

A pus-filled,

b-b-blistering,

sinful malady...

that a few of you may already

have come in contact with.

You must resist, children.

Resist the urge

that lingers in your loins.

But as the saying goes--

"Girls have a button

and boys have a pole,

and wicked touching

takes its toll."

So you must be strong and resist.

For those who are weak

will no doubt one day...

burn and fester in the swollen...

VD-infested, fiery pits of hell !

But let's have some fun

and meet our judges. Over here--

- [Continues lndistinct]

- Hey, are you guys ready ?

- Mare, we're, like, really nervous.

- Yeah.

What if they make fun of us ?

Okay. I just wanna say

one thing to all of you.

Don't listen to the names

that people call you.

If you believe in yourself,

then nobody can hurt you.

- You are your own rainbow.

- Wow.

That's really insightful.

That's from The Initiation of Sarah

starring Miss Shelley Winters.

- Yeah ?

- Cool.

Okay, from

Catholic Teen magazine,

we have teen gossip columnists

George and Moira McDaniels.

- [Applause]

- Welcome and thanks for joining us.

[ Laughs ] Well, it's show time

here at St. Monica's.

So let's get things started

with our first contestant,

- Howard Feinstein !

- [Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen !

Tonight, I'm going

for the full monty.

"Lookin' for some hot stuff

baby, this evenin"

"I need some hot stuff

baby, tonight"

- "l want some hot stuff"

- Enough ! Come on !

"Baby, this evening"

Perhaps this would be an opportune

time to thank Howard's father.

[ Clears Throat ]

Hi, Mary.

The school therapist says

I have to apologize, so I'm sorry.

And, Helen, I'm sorry I made fun

of your very hairy lip.

I was going through a really

difficult time, but it's fine now...

because Sky and I are together

again, dancing in the show.

And, um, what I'm

really trying to say is...

good luck.

Mary, I'm, like,

really sorry...

'cause I know how hard you worked

to impress Sky tonight.

It's okay.

Tonight is for me, not for Sky.

"Entering"?

[God] You're not gonna

miss theshow, are you ?

- Roadside thing's freaking you out?

- Who are you?

Mary Katherine Gallagher's

subconscious idea of God.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Now, just my take on this,

but you might want

to reconsider this bike ride.

Why ?

Because I'm working

in a mysterious way here.

Man !

Notice how you tried to leave town,

but it didn't work out,

- but you just kept on trying ?

- Right.

What say you take that positive

attitude and apply it to--

I don't know.

Maybe you could help me.

Any thoughts ?

Mary !

You think... Mary likes me ?

Why'd I make everyone so insecure ?

Here's a clue:

The Lord God...

is materializing on a highway...

to guide you to her.

Now, look, that's the real road

out of Besamee Heights.

The decision is up to you.

[ Grunting ]

Thank you, Helen.

Quite a feat of strength.

Thanks.

The amazing Sean !

My brother.

[ Laughing ]

Next up, uh, we have

Sky Corrigan and Evian Graham.

[Applause, Cheering]

I just want everyone to know...

that even though Evian and I

are dancing together,

- we're still broken up.

- [Boy] Yeah !

Repeat:
broken up.

- Thank you.

- [Applause]

"[Man Singing ln Spanish]

- Huh !

- [ Screaming ]

[Boy]

PepperMill!

You know you want me back.

We're dancing together,

but we've grown apart.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[ Whispering ] Forgive me,

Father, for I have sinned.

It has been two days

since my last confession.

Mary Katherine, aren't you supposed

to be in the show tonight ?

-You're not supposed to say my name.

-Oh. Okay.

- Go ahead.

- Okay.

I feel really bad because...

I've committed

a sin of selfishness.

All my life I've asked God

to make me a star, every day.

I'm always thinking of myself.

And tonight, I just

want Him to know that...

it's okay if He never

does that for me.

It's all right.

I'll never ask for anything again

if he does one thing for me tonight.

And what is that, my child ?

Please just get me through tonight

safely for my grandmother.

Watch over me so that

I can watch over her.

Mary, it's time

to go on stage. Go.

Use the gifts God gave you.

"[Singing Continues]

-"[Ends]

- [Applause]

-"[Ends]

- [Applause]

[FatherRitley]

Allright. Um--

Our last contestant tonight,

Mary Katherine Gallagher.

[ Singing A Cappella ]

Sometimes I wonder

Where I've been

Who I am

Do I fit in

You suck !

[ Snickering ]

Make-believing

Is hard alone

Out here

On my own

"[Piano]

We're always provin'

Who we are

"Always reachin '"

For that rising star

To guide me far

And shine me home

" Out here"

" On my own"

When I'm down

and feelin' blue

"I close my eyes

so I can be with you"

"Baby, be strong for me

Baby, belong to me"

- Help me through

- Help her through

Help me through

Pop !

Bam ! Pow !

[ Needle Skids On Record,

Tempo lncreases ]

- Mary, it's too fast.

-Just keep going.

[God]

Mary!

Get up, Mary !

Get up !

You can do it !

- We don't know what to do.

- It's okay.

- [Boy] What do we do ?

-Just follow me.

-" [Disco]

- Follow Mary, you guys.

[Applause]

"[Ends]

Yeah !

Are you ready ? Good.

Well, I'm pleased to announce

that the winner...

of the Catholic Teen magazine's

free trip to Hollywood...

with a chance to appear

as an extra...

in a movie

with positive moral values...

is Mary Katherine Gallagher.

What ?

Evian. Hey.

I just wanted to say

that I think...

you did a really good job

up there tonight.

You showed a lot of energy

and enthusiasm, and I...

really like

your choice of costume.

But I just feel really bad for you,

'cause I guess...

you didn't know that you

were competing against a...

superstar !

Hey, Mary.

-Hey.

-You really do have some nice moves.

Thanks.

So what did you think of that ?

It was okay.

[ Whispering ]

It was bad. Blech !

[MaryNarrating]

So I let Sky go,

and I figured it was time

to let my dream go too.

'Cause maybe that's all

it would ever be--

a dream.

Or maybe not.

You said to jump in.

"And sometimes when we touch"

-" The honesty's too much"

- I'm outta here.

"And I have to close my eyes"

-What are you ? Gay ?

-Five times more gay than you think.

Four more to go, peaches.

"l wanna hold ya till I die"

" Till we both

breakdown and cry"

"l wanna hold ya

till the fear in me"

"Subsides"

[ Mary ]

And that's my story.

[ Mary ]

And that's my story.

That's my entire story.

I wanted you to know

so you would understand...

why I can't see you anymore.

So... I guess this is good-bye.

What are you saying ?

You want a good-bye what ?

No, I can't.

I can't.

I'm seeing Slater now.

Oh, you're so bad.

Okay, just one for the road.

[ Moaning ]

-" Get up, get up, get up"

-" Ooh, yeah"

" Get up, get up, get up"

" You wanna be a star

Be a superstar"

" You can be the greatest

at who you are"

" Gotta reach for the stars"

"Baby, 'cause you're the one"

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