Svengali

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(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

My name is Paul Dean.

But everybody calls me Dixie.

Now, I've come to London

to manage the best new band in the world.

All my life

I've dreamt of walking in the footsteps

of the great Svengalis of rock and roll.

You know,

like Brian Epstein who found the Beatles,

or Malcolm McLaren who had the Pistols,

or the legend that is Alan McGee.

And next there'd be me.

Do you know what? I lie there at night

and I imagine people saying my name.

- SHELL:
Dixie!

- Oh, sorry.

Oh, yeah, this is Shell. She's my girl.

- You daydreaming?

- Sorry. Yeah.

Look, London Eye.

And there's Big Ben.

- Can we go on that later?

- I know.

- What? The London Eye?

- Yeah.

No. We've got to go see the band

as soon as we can.

DIXIE:
You see what happened was,

a few weeks ago back in Wales,

I was on the Internet looking for bands,

and there they were,

The Premature Congratulations.

Do you know what?

- Shell. Shell. Sit up.

- What?

- Michelle was excited as I was.

- What?

So next morning, first thing,

I'm in my music shed

packing my rarest records

and I'm ready to go.

-(SHELL SHRIEKS)

- Oh, Jesus!

Shell trying to help, like...

Oh, yes.

I've got to go to work.

Then I lassoed her and I said,

"Baby, you're coming to London with me."

(BOTH LAUGHING)

The most difficult thing, well,

that was telling my father.

I'd better go. It's my last round today.

It's like the '80s all over again, ain't it?

People are moving away to work.

Don't knock the '80s, Dad.

Some good music come out of the '80s.

Fair play, though,

they put on a cracking leaving do for us.

They had like top DJs.

They even had a bit of a whip round.

Dixie, we had a bit of a whip round.

And this is for you and Shell.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that, Dad.

Hey, hey, hey. You can only spend it

when you get married.

- ALL:
Aw.

-(DIXIE'S DAD CHUCKLING)

I'll tell you what,

as soon as I get a record deal,

first thing I'm gonna do is

I'm gonna marry Michelle.

(ALL CHEERING)

DIXIE'S DAD:
You said it now! (LAUGHS)

Right, I'm gonna make a speech.

People love my speeches.

Oh, Dixie.

Later on,

it was onto the overnight Megabus...

Bye-bye!

...and off to the big city.

London, you got to love it, haven't you?

It's the rock and roll capital of the world.

Anyone who's anyone is here.

And my best mate,

from back home when I was a kid, Horsey,

he's a top record company boss here now.

Tell you what,

when he hears my band,

he'll snap 'em right up.

'Cause if there's one thing I know,

it is music.

Right.

Now all I got to do is persuade this band

to let me manage 'em.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING)

Boys, you're the best new band

that I've ever heard.

And believe you me, I've heard them all.

Give me six months

and I promise I'll get you a record deal.

And we'll do it all on a handshake.

So you can walk away

whenever you want, yeah?

Just give us a few seconds, eh?

- All right...

- I understand what he's saying...

- We don't even know where he's from.

- I think he's from...

- Just give them the beers.

- MACCA:
No, he's from Wales.

I got beers.

- Sound then, mate. Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah.

JAKE:
Nice one.

- Cheers, mate.

- Cheers.

TOMMY:
Yeah.

DIXIE:
Ooh.

JAKE:
Here y'are, man.

- Fantastic.

- Nice one, mate.

- Can I have one?

- Yeah, of course you can. Sorry, love.

Boys, you're gonna change the world.

Honestly, trust me.

- F***ing howay, mate.

- Thank you.

ALL:
Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

TOMMY:
What's your name again, boss?

DIXIE:
How good were they, huh?

SHELL:
Yeah, they were amazing.

Amazing? Amazing.

- And incredible.

-(DIXIE CHUCKLES)

Hey, he was a dark horse, after all,

wasn't he?

Is it this one?

Yeah. Shell, he was a dark horse at first.

Yes, he was a very dark horse, Dixie.

- You're supposed to say, "Who?"

- Huh?

- You're supposed to say, "Who?"

-(LAUGHS)

- Come on, say it.

- Who?

- DIXIE:
Black Beauty.

-(BOTH LAUGHING)

DIXIE:
I'll knock the door now.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Hiya. Dixie, Michelle. Here to see the flat.

1,170 pounds a month, all up front.

She said 1,000 on the phone.

(SOFTLY) Shh. It's all right, love.

Let's just get it.

- Can we have a look at it first?

- No, it's fine.

It's fine. No worries. Um...

There's 1,000 there in that bundle.

There's the bit extra.

Have you got 20 quid, love?

- SHELL:
That's all we've got left.

-(SLURPING)

Let's just get it now.

SHELL:
Can we see the flat then, please?

Hey, fair play. It's all right, this.

Hey, look! Double mattress.

Oh.

(DIXIE CHUCKLES)

Ugh, look. Ugh, I can't sleep on that.

- What is that?

- Don't smell it.

It's mayonnaise, that is.

Bit crusty, isn't it? White and crusty.

- Do you want to have a look? Come on.

- Get off. Stop it.

- You going on the bed? Go on, lie there.

- Get off.

DIXIE:
All right, I love you! I'm going straight

to see Horsey about the band, okay?

- I'll see you after. Ta-ra.

- SHELL:
All right. Good luck.

Hello. Horsey, it's me. It's Dixie.

How's it going, butt?

Listen, when you get this message,

give me a shout, I've moved to London.

And I'm managing a band. They are amazing.

So, give me a shout then we'll hook up, butt,

all right? Ta-ra!

Hello, Horse, it's me, Dixie.

Listen, I'm here in the middle of town.

North of Nash town... Actually, Oxford.

London Town.

Hi, Horse. It's me again, it is.

Listen, there's something wrong

with your answering machine, I think.

So, I'm gonna leave this message to say

that I'm gonna call in the office, all right?

So, I'll just come in to see you.

Make sure you get the kettle on, okay?

And we'll have

a nice cup of tea or something.

All right, then? I'll see you soon.

ALICE:
Hey, can I help you?

Hiya. Yeah, I'm just looking for Horsey.

He's like one of the main guys here now,

I think.

- Who, sorry?

- Horsey.

Right, do you have an appointment?

Yeah, my name's Dixie. D-I-X-I-E.

- What's your name?

- Alice.

Alice, is it? How is it in Wonderland?

Big cat and all that. All right? I'm from Wales.

Horsey. It's like horse with a "Y" on the end.

- Oh, do you mean Mr Horse?

- Yeah.

Brian Horse.

Brian. Is that what they call him in London?

Brilliant.

If you can give him a call,

let him know I'm here. Dixie.

He'll be out in two minutes.

Seriously. Tell him he owes me a fiver

as well. He'll laugh.

All right, butt? Listen to that.

Maybe if you'd just told Horsey, right?

- Just jog on, all right?

-No, just tell him Dixie's here,

-he'll be down in a second.

- Run along, mate! Run along!

You'll be sorry.

He'll have you counting paper clips

for a week.

No, no, no. Listen to me, right?

Cowell's been sniffing around.

They're gonna be astronomical

when their balls drop.

- Horse?

- HORSEY:
I'm telling ya.

Listen. No, no, seriously...

Horsey? Horsey.

Jesus. Can I call you back?

Hey, hey, hey! How's it going, son?

- What are you doing here?

- I moved up.

I've left loads of messages for you.

What? You are living up here now, are you?

I'm in London, permanent.

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