Sweet Bird of Youth Page #2

She still ain't available.

We present this controversial

newsreel as a public service.

In 1930, Tom Finley ran

for his first state office.

You all know me. I'm just a

plain old dirt farmer, like you folks.

And Tom Finley was elected.

Tom Finley ran for governor.

I'm against loose government...

... loose money and loose women!

And Tom Finley was elected.

Tom Finley built a political machine

and became Boss Finley.

He also built a

plain old dirt farmer's shack...

... worth $300,000.

He sails from his private beach

in his private speedboat.

Boss Finley gave away

the offshore oil of his state.

The oil man made Finley a partner...

... and Boss Finley made his

oil partner the governor...

... and kept him in office

all these years.

Four months ago,

Professor Burtus Haven Smith...

... ran against Finley's handpicked man.

The only thing you have

to fear is Finley himself.

Next day, Professor Smith, fired.

His home was invaded by hoodlums...

... books and paintings

burned on the lawn.

Did you recognize any of them, sir?

No. They wore masks like this.

I found this button.

Yes, sir. I'm president of the

Finley Youth Club, and I'm proud of it.

But I don 't know nothing about

no book burnings or...

This thing, it could be dropped

accidentally on purpose...

...you know what I mean?

- But to date, there has been no probe...

... no police action, no arrests.

- Why?

- Shut that contraption off.

These are the fruits

of Boss Finley's rise to power...

How can a Christian TV network

tolerate those filthy, black lies?

- Right here, in the heart of America.

- Why, they ought to be...

Thank you, honey.

- Horsewhipped and shot.

And if I wasn't mayor and against

violence, I'd do it myself.

Well, if that TV report lied,

why not sue them for libel?

If they lied?

You know, you surprise me, Ben.

For a man who's smart enough

to run a big daily newspaper...

...you sure surprise me.

Can't you recognize New York...

...Red propaganda when you see it?

Do you call that TV newsreel fair?

Now, Maribelle,

we're all on the same side.

- Are we, Ben?

- Fair, you mean?

Well, your father's going

on the same network.

Same time, same freedom of expression.

I'd say that was pretty fair.

A lot fairer than burning books and...

You accusing me, Ben?

Why, Tom Jr. Hasn't got

a mean bone in his body.

He might be a hot-blooded

buck like his daddy...

- Now, Mrs. Norris.

...but he'd never resort to violence.

Never. And you have my personal

guarantee that whoever did do it...

...justice will prevail.

- Right, sheriff?

- Certainly.

What in tarnation are you laughing at?

Nothing, Pa. Nothing at all.

Then shut up!

- Yes, sir.

- Only idiots laugh at nothing.

- Yes, sir.

- When I was called from...

...the clay hills where I was born...

...barefoot and hungry, called by

the voice of God, which I was...

Will somebody pick up

that damn phone!

I ain't never forgot

what I was called for.

I didn't build a land

of milk and honey to see...

- Where you going?

- Get something for that cough.

Sit down! I've hawked

and spit all my life...

...and I'll hawk and spit

till the end of my days.

You can bet on that.

When I answer those charges

on TV tomorrow night...

...I expect you to be there.

- Why, you know me, Tom.

I expect you and your

Daughters of Dixie to be there.

God bless you, honey.

And I expect you to be there too.

I'll be there, Mr. Finley.

At the press table.

You'll be on the platform,

at my side, in my support.

No, sir. Not so long as you support...

...a gang of juvenile delinquents

called Youth Clubs...

- With a free hand to commit mayhem.

- Hold it!

Now, maybe you're right.

And maybe, just maybe...

...the Finley Youth Club

was mixed up in that shindig.

That's why I'm gonna

publicly disavow, disown...

...and remove my name

from the Finley Youth Club.

And if my own flesh and blood

was one of them hoodlums...

...he's gonna pay, even though it

brings shame on the memory...

...of his dead mother.

God rest her soul.

They say I stole the oil rights.

Well, if I did, I stole it

for my state and my people.

I also fought the fertilizer trust.

I lowered taxes. I saved our hog-raisers

from the Chicago meatpackers.

A lot of folks like what I did

but they don't like the way I did it.

But if a bunch of hogs won't come

out of your garden when you holler:

Then you've gotta use language and

methods that hogs and pigs understand.

Do you understand, Ben?

Hi. Martini on the rocks.

Say, you get any phone calls here

for Chance Wayne?

No, sir.

Operator? I'd like to place

a long-distance phone call...

...to Miss Louella Parsons.

That's right. Person-to-person,

from me, Chance Wayne.

Yes, Miss Louella Parsons,

the famous movie columnist.

In Hollywood.

The number is Crestview 1-4222.

Fine. Thank you.

Oh, man, don't you know only squares

drink gin martinis with olives?

May we have a couple

of gin martinis, please?

Didn't you hear the man?

Only squares drink gin.

Wait a minute. Leroy. Could you

make that a couple of gin martinis...

...with square olives.

- Scotty.

- Well, how are you? Bud.

- Hi.

Is that the hand that made love

to Jayne Mansfield?

Gee, I hope you didn't wash that hand.

Gee, I was about ready

to phone you guys.

Leroy, did you know

this is Chance Wayne...

...the famous Hollywood

and Broadway celebrity?

- Really?

- Sure.

All bartenders become movie stars.

Right, Chance?

Oh, well... What he's

trying to say is that...

...I had your job for too long.

You know, I designed

that uniform you've got on.

I copied it from an outfit Cary Grant

wore in this Foreign Legion picture.

- Looks great on you, kid.

- Really?

But kidding aside, fellas,

it is great to be back.

Louella Parsons don't answer.

She know it's Chance Wayne calling?

Operator? Yeah, well, then try...

Try Mr. Walter Winchell.

Little black book.

In New York at the Pla...

Oh, no, he's... He's in Hollywood.

Try Romanoff's.

Yeah. Or Au Petit Jean.

Thank you, ma'am.

Another round for everybody, on me.

Hey, man. I'll bet you got some...

...snappy numbers

in that little black book, huh?

The best.

But they're not always in

when you call.

Listen, I'm throwing

a party tomorrow night.

The old crowd,

for Princess Kosmonopolis...

Royalty?

- In every way.

- Yeah.

No, I mean, it's mostly

a surprise party for Heavenly.

Well, I bet her old man

will be plenty surprised.

- What time?

- We can't.

- Oh, the TV rally.

- For Boss Finley.

Hey, Jackie. How about

a fanfare for a very important...

- Jackie!

- For a very...

Hey!

Thanks...

...for remembering our song.

- Anytime.

- Was it written just for you, Mr. Wayne?

- Don't be square, man.

Don't you know that

all lovers got a theme song?

Excuse me.

- Sing it, Chance.

- Here's to the star of our crowd.

Here's to the man who made good.

Chance Wayne...

... will do a front-dive layout.

Swan dive.

Thank you, laddie. Sit down.

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