Sweet Charity

---

Oh, Charlie, I'm on time, right?

Wrong. You know what I did today?

I looked at furniture.

At couches that turn into beds and chairs that

turn into beds and lamps that turn into beds.

And then, you know, I went to look at wedding

rings. And then... look. For my trousseau.

And you know, Charlie,

that's not all I did today.

I went to the bank, you know?

And I took every last cent I own...

All $427.

So now we can put

a down payment on something.

Oh, Charlie, it's such

a great world, isn't it?

Today I feel New York is

really my personal property

Right down Broadway

to City Hall

Every supermarket

every five and ten

All of Lincoln Center

and the great U.N.

They're all my personal property

The zoo in Central Park is

merely my private menagerie

I've carved my name on every tree

From Yonkers Raceway

to Bowling Green

I own everything around

and in between

It's all my personal property

The planetarium is mine alone

The old aquarium I also own

And since I feel today New York

is really my personal property

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do

Since I like you very much

So very, very much

I'm gonna split it with you

With you

With you

With you

With you

Hey, Charlie, you know, this is my

own personal, private wishing well.

Hey! Let's make a wish...

and then throw somethin' in

after for luck.

Since I like you very much

So very, very much

I'm gonna give it

To...

I wish...

Oh! Help!

Help! I can't...

I can't swim!

Help! I can't...

Help! I can't...

I can't swim! Help me!

Look, Walter. There's a girl in

there drowning. Don't look, dear.

But, Walter!

Don't look, I tell you.

Don't get involved.

It's none of our business.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Here, help! Somebody help!

Somebody grab her ankles.

She looks dead.

Doesn't she look dead to you?

I don't know.

I've never seen her before.

Shake her well 'til the

water is out. She's coming to.

Oh, my God! I'm in Australia!

Put me down!

Put me down!

What do you think you're doing?

Go away! Don't look at me!

Don't look at me! Take it

easy, honey. You almost drowned.

- Charlie. Where's Charlie?

- I bet she tried to knock herself off.

Apparently over

a fellow named Charlie.

Who took my shoe?

Where's my shoe?

Well, don't stare at me. Don't

stare at me. Please leave me alone.

Please leave me alone!

Come on, everybody! Let's all go

home! Break it up! Move it back.

Charlie! Why did you

do it, Charlie?

The aquacade is all over. Hey,

be careful. She's a crazy lady.

Let's go now. Come on.

Hey, you all right, miss?

I'm fine.

I'm just fine.

Just put it down in your book.

The crazy, drowned lady feels fine.

All right, miss. Would you care to

tell us what happened?

I lost my shoe.

That's what happened.

Hey, Monte, look for

her other shoe, will you?

Yeah, Monte, look for

her other shoe.

What's it look like?

It looks like that one.

What does it look like. All

right, miss. What's your name?

Charity.

Charity Hope Valentine.

Charity Hope Valentine?

Just write it. Just...

Here it is. I found it.

Address?

Occupation?

Social consultant.

Where?

The Fandango Ballroom.

Dance hall hostess.

Oh, you mean you work in

one of those tango palaces.

It's temporary.

Length of employment?

Eight years. Suppose you tell me

what you were doin' in the water.

Oh, well, my fianc, Charlie... Well,

he's not exactly my fianc exactly,

but we are engaged to be wed the

minute his own marriage breaks up.

Anyway, we had this rendezvous

to meet in the park,

and, uh, I was just about to make

a wish by throwin' in this penny...

when... I don't know... I guess

I must have slipped or somethin'...

'cause I lost my balance, and anyway,

naturally he made a grab for me,

and all he caught

was my handbag, and I fell in.

That's what happened.

Yeah, sure. Right.

Where's my hair spray? Well, see,

he couldn't jump in after me...

'cause of his

bad back, you know.

Anyway, so he ran off

to get help.

Where'd he go? The coast guard

station in Norfolk, Virginia?

Come on, honey. Didn't you leave one

tiny little detail out of that story?

- Like what?

- Like there ain't one word of truth in it?

Hello, men.

Hey, Nickie, did you hear about

Charity and her boyfriend?

You're gonna get married.

Oh, all the luck in the world, baby.

He stole her money

and pushed her in the lake.

He wasn't for you.

Excuse me, ladies.

Prince Phillip

just walked in,

so park the gum behind your ears

and drag it out on the floor.

Doesn't he ever knock? It's

a good thing we're decent.

He's gonna call.

Who?

Charlie. He's gonna call.

Any minute, he's gonna call,

and he's gonna have a very perfectly

logical explanation for this whole thing.

What did I tell ya?

Charlie!

It's for you.

Yeah?

You know what your big problem is?

You run your heart like a hotel.

You got guys checkin' in

and out all the time.

And you always

get stuck with the bill.

This time it's different.

He loves me.

I mean, when somebody has their name tattooed

on your arm so it'll be there forever,

does that sound like the sort of fella who's

gonna push you in the lake for 427 measly bucks?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.

- Where's my hair spray?

- Forget him, baby. We got a livin' to make.

If you call this

a living.

He's gonna call.

You'll see.

Sure.

Since I like you

very much

So very, very much

I'm...

Oh, Charlie.

Hey, mister, can I talk to you for a

minute? Got a cigarette for me, mister?

Hey, mister, you speak Spanish?

Hey, tiger, you wanna dance?

A little dance won't hurt you. Come

here, cowboy. Wanna tell you somethin'.

Moshi, moshi, e'kaga desu-ka,

baby? Ooh, you're so tall.

Let's have some fun.

Pssss.

The minute you walked

in the joint

I could see you were

a man of distinction

A real big spender

Good lookin'

So refined

Say, wouldn't you like to know

what's goin' on in my mind

So let me get right

To the point

I don't pop my cork

For every guy I see

Hey, big spender

Spend

A little time with

Me

Me

Do you wanna have fun

Psssss.

How's about a few

Laughs

I can show you a

Good time

Do you wanna have fun

Fun, fun

How's about a few

Fun

Laughs, laughs, laughs

Fun, fun, fun

- I can show you a -

Laughs, laughs - Good time

- Fun - Laughs

- Good time

- Fun - Laughs

- Good time

Fun, laughs, good time

Pssss.

What do you say to a...

How's about a...

Laugh

I could give you some...

Are you ready for some... Fun

How would you like a...

Let me show you a...

Good time

Hey, big spender

Hey, big spender

The minute you walked

in the joint

I could see you were

a man of distinction

A real big spender

Good lookin'

So refined

Say, wouldn't you like to know

what's goin' on in my mind

So let me get right

To the point

I don't pop my cork

For every guy I see

Hey, big spender

Hey, big spender

Hey, big spender

Spend

A little time with

Me

Fun, laughs, good time

Fun, laughs, good time

Fun, laughs, good time

How's about it, palsie?

Yeah!

Hey, Herman.

Huh?

Anybody been askin' for me? Uh-uh.

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