Sweet Charity Page #2

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Face it, honey. Charlie the pusher

ain't comin' anymore.

Gee, what's the matter

with me? What am I?

Ooh, boy, am I stupid.

Boy, am I a pushover.

No, not a pushover exactly.

It's just that you're too...

Well, I don't know.

You just keep on...

Yeah, you're a pushover. If he stole

your purse, why don't you call the cops?

They can always pick him up. Girl, do you know

how many guys are runnin' around this city...

carryin' pocketbooks?

Why'd he do it? Everything

he ever wanted, I bought him:

$11 shirts,

$79 Italian silk suits.

What'd I do wrong?

I'd even get up in the middle of the

night and buy him his meatball sandwiches.

Boy, did he love

those meatball sandwiches.

Well, I have had it

up to here with that creep.

Go, baby, go.

Now you're talkin'.

He can go slip and slide his greasy head

on somebody else's shoulder.

I'm finished!

I'm through, do you hear me?

I'm tired of buyin' him

pointed shoes...

and his trips to Florida

and his three-horse parlays.

Think he is,

shovin' girls into lakes?

Oh, boy, am I through givin'.

Ooh, I hope your tight Italian

pants choke you to death.

Get me a taxi!

Ursula, stop acting

like a child.

Vittorio Vitale!

Hey! That's Vittorio Vitale,

the Italian movie star!

Ursula, I can

explain everything.

Don't touch me.

We're through.

I hate you. Do you hear me?

I hate you.

- She really knows him!

- Ursula, I merely said hello to that girl. Hello!

That's all! I do not want to discuss it.

Now you can't walk out

on me like this.

I can't?

Well, just watch me.

Just watch me. Watch!

Watch! You're not watching.

Where's my taxi?

Taxi!

Taxi!

You are coming back inside. I am not!

Oh, yes, you are.

No, I'm not!

Yes, you are.

Ow!

Ursula! Ursula!

Ursula!

Oh, scusi, signorina.

Scusi.

My pleasure.

Are you busy tonight?

Hey, he wants to know

if you're busy tonight.

No, you.

- Yes, you.

- Me?

- Are you busy tonight?

- What time?

Right now. Right now

is very good for me.

Get in.

I'm with him.

Oh, that girl.

She's driving me crazy.

These wild fits of jealousy. I can't

stand it any longer. She's impossible.

That was my first impression.

Childish, neurotic, selfish.

That was my

second impression.

Well, it's finished.

She's just not worth it.

Well, on the other hand, you know,

she's not so bad in the looks department.

Ah, yes.

Yes, you're right.

She is very beautiful. Well, I mean,

if you go for that sort of thing.

No, you are right.

You are absolutely right.

She is... gorgeous.

I think I just

screwed myself up.

Um, uh, I'm with him.

- Who's that with Vittorio?

- She doesn't look familiar.

- Who can she be?

- What happened to Ursula?

- Who is it? - Who

is it? - Who is it?

- Who is it? - Who

is it? - Who is it?

- Who is it?

- Who is it?

It's me.

Wow! This place sure is

crawlin' with celebrities.

I'm the only person here

I never heard of.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Ooh

Yeah, yeah

Ooh

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah

- Oh

- Oh

- Yeah

- Yeah

- Oh, oh

- Yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

Oh

Oh

Give me yeah

Yeah

Oh yeah Oh yeah

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

Excuse me, Signor Vitale.

There is a phone call.

It's Ursula.

Look how she knows me.

No matter where I go,

she knows how to find me.

Well, I know her too. She'll cry and

plead with me to come to her apartment.

What should I do? Be

magnanimous and forgive her...

or be aloof?

Aloof sounds good.

You think so?

The aloofer the better.

I am not here.

Now I really feel great.

I could eat a horse.

I was only kidding.

Now we dance. Yeah, I

wasn't hungry anyway.

Oh!

Oh, damn it.

I'm so sorry. Really

I am. It's all right.

It's all right.

Where are we? My place. Come on.

Your place?

Hey, wait. Just a second.

Get in the car, get out of

the car, go here, go there.

You think you can just your place and,

uh, any time you feel like it, huh?

- Coming?

- Yeah.

Good evening, sir.

I'm with him.

Oh.

Thank you.

Were there any calls,

Manfred? None, sir.

No calls? Are you sure? None, sir.

Positive, sir. Well, if

there are any, I am not in.

Yes, sir. And bring us a cold supper.

Very good, sir.

What did you say

your name was?

Charity.

Charity Hope Valentine.

Do you like Brahms?

Huh?

The music.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

It's got a...

It's got a great beat.

Leave it.

Well, it'll get all...

Leave it!

Uh, sit down.

Uh, talk to me.

Tell me what you do.

Oh, that'd just be

a waste of time.

Why?

'Cause I'd lie.

Why should you lie?

Because I really want to make an impression

on you, and if I told you the truth,

what I really did,

you wouldn't be impressed.

Let me be the judge of that.

What do you do?

Um...

I'm a dance hall hostess.

You what?

- I'm a dance hall hostess.

- Oh.

There, you see?

You should've let me lie.

I was gonna be an

assistant dental technician.

Well, that doesn't sound

very impressive.

It does to

a dance hall hostess.

Champagne?

Well, I don't mind

if I do.

Why did you ever

take a job like that?

I don't know. Fickle

finger of fate, I guess.

What?

Fickle finger of fate.

Don't you know what that

means? Yes, I think so.

Well, I don't.

Not really.

But see, these things always seem to

happen to me, and I never know why or how.

And people are always comin' up to me

askin', "Why did you take up with that guy?"

Or "How come you

wound up in that joint?"

And I always felt so dumb

sayin', "I don't know. "

But it was the truth.

I don't.

I guess you're supposed to know why you

do things or how come you wind up places.

Anyway, now whenever anybody

says, "why?" or "how?" to me,

I just say, "Fickle finger of

fate," and then I don't feel so dumb.

I think you just

like saying it.

I think you're right.

Fickle finger of fate.

There, you see?

Fickle finger of fate.

Fickle finger of fate. Fickle finger

of fate. Fickle finger of fate.

Fickle finger of fate.

You wanna try?

Mm-mmm. Oh, it feels

good. Really it does.

It cools the mouth. Oh, try it

just once. Fickle finger of fate.

Say it. Just once. No, no.

All right.

Fickle finger of fate.

That's very nice. You like it?

It does cool the mouth. Oh, I

got lots of phrases I like to say.

Like if some wisenheimer down at the Fandango

says somethin' dirty to me sometime...

or somethin' fresh and I can't

think fast enough to answer,

I like to say, "Up yours. "

You do?

Oh, yeah, that really works.

It fits just about any situation.

But I wouldn't say it

to anyone as refined as yourself.

But I can say

"fickle finger of fate," can't I?

You certainly can.

You have a nice laugh.

Ahem. You have

a nice everything.

What shall we drink to?

Huh?

Oh, I know, I know.

To the fickle finger...

Finger of fate.

Bottoms up.

Up yours.

Oh! Pow!

It just slipped out.

You're marvelous.

Really marvelous.

I am?

Mmm.

Wow. That is really somethin'

comin' from the Vittorio Vitale.

What makes you think the Vittorio

Vitale is anything special?

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