Sweet Charity Page #3

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Are you kidding? Haven't you

ever seen you in the movies?

I like to think I have

better taste than that.

You don't know

what you're missin'.

Remember the one you did with that

Italian actress Monica Monicalli?

Monica Monicelli.

Yeah.

Uh, Passion in Palermo,

I think it was called.

And there was this scene.

She was crying.

And you bent down, and you kissed

every single one of her fingers...

from her pinky

to her thumb.

You remember that?

Fortunately, no.

Oh, I remember.

I'll never forget it.

And then you said,

"Without love,

life has no purpose. "

Oh, the things

I say for money.

Did that ever hit home.

Did you

get me where I live.

I sat through the whole film and six marshmallow

bars just to hear that one line again.

"Without love,

life has no purpose. "

Is that

what you believe?

Sure. Doesn't everybody?

No, not everybody.

Tell me, why do you

believe in love?

Everybody's gotta have some religion,

don't they? So your religion is love?

Well, I'll tell you one thing:

I sure go to church a lot.

You know, I see you sitting

here with my own eyes,

but I find it hard to believe

that you really exist.

Yes? Uh, no,

no, thank you, Manfred.

I'll take care of it

myself. Good night.

Our supper.

Caviar.

Cold lobster.

Brochette.

And melon.

May I fix you a plate?

What's the matter?

They'll never believe it.

Believe what? That I'm here,

in Vittorio Vitale's bedroom...

drinkin' champagne and

he's servin' me dinner.

Who won't believe it?

My girlfriends.

What can we do

about it?

Do you think...

What?

That...

Yes?

Could I have a personally

autographed picture?

You can have me

in profile or full face,

with moustache, clean-shaven,

smiling or sexy.

Oh, I will take that clean-shaven,

full-faced and sexy one.

For...

Charity.

For Charity.

Um...

Who was

with me tonight...

in my apartment.

Alone.

Alone.

I swear it.

Vittorio Vit... Yes,

yes, I know the rest.

Eccola.

Wow. You even

write great.

Oh, what a night for me.

Tomorrow, you're movin'

right into my locker,

and every time

I open the door, pow!

Oh, they're... They're

not gonna believe this.

They're gonna think

this is a forgery.

Where you goin'?

You wait for me.

I'll be right back.

Now don't go away.

Hurricane Hazel could strike.

I'm not movin'.

If they

Could see me now

That little gang of mine

I'm eatin' fancy chow

and drinkin' fancy wine

I'd like those stumble bums

to see for a fact

The kind of top drawer

first-rate chums I attract

All I can say is wowee

look at where I am

Tonight I landed... pow

right in a pot of jam

What a setup, holy cow

They'd never believe it

if my friends could see me

Now

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

Ooh.

Do you think this will do?

I used it in my first film.

Oh! Ohh!

What a beautiful...

black thing.

It's a hat.

Eccola.

You see?

My initials.

It is yours.

Now wait.

There is more.

If they could

See me now

my little dusty group

Traipsin' round this

million-dollar chicken coop

I'd hear those thrift shop

cats say Brother, get her

Draped on a bedspread made

from three kinds of fur

All I can say is wow

Wait 'til the riff and raff

See just exactly how

he signed his autograph

What a buildup, holy cow

They'd never believe it

If my friends could see me

Now

Hi.

Ciao. Boy, this is

some terrific mattress.

My initials.

This, also, is for you.

Oh, I couldn't.

You must.

Oh, really, I can't.

I insist.

I'll take it. I'll go see

if there is anything else.

Chow, Vittorio, baby.

If they could see me now

alone with Mr. V

Who's waitin' on me

like he was a maitre d'

I hear my buddies sayin'

Crazy, what gives

Tonight she's livin' like

the other half lives

To think the highest brow

which I must say is he

Should pick the lowest brow

which there's no doubt is me

What a step up, holy cow

They'd never believe it

If my friends

Could

See me

Now

They'd never believe it

They'd never believe it

If my friends

Could see me

Hey, girls. Look! It's me!

Charity!

Oh. Oh, boy, you know this...

This is some terrific floor.

Miss Charity Hope Valentine.

Since I could find nothing

else in all of my possessions...

that could truly express

my warm feelings for you,

for what you

have done tonight,

for what you

have given me,

I ask you please

to accept this.

Oh, wow. I accept.

And may I just say that

I never received such a gift...

in such a gorgeous package.

Mr. Vitale, you've been

so terrific to me.

I think that this is...

This is the best time...

I ever spent

in my whole life.

No, no, no, please.

Suppose you eat

your supper, huh?

Pronto.

Well, tell her I'm asleep.

No, tell her I'm dead.

Well, tell her th...

What?

Lock the door.

Lock the door.

It's Ursula. She's here.

What should I do?

What should I do?

If you want my opinion,

we don't really need her.

And in my opinion, we

don't really need her.

Vittorio! Vittorio, I know

you're in there. Let me in.

Oh, Ursula, go away.

- Vittorio, please.

- No.

- Please?

- No!

- Please!

- Oh, I can't stand it. Let her in.

Yes, you're right.

In here.

I'll get rid of her as

soon as I can. Oh, but...

In a second.

Vittorio, let me in.

Don't treat me this way.

I almost forgot.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Here.

Oh. If you get a chance,

I'd love a cold beer.

Yeah.

Vittorio, I'm not leaving

until you open this door.

Oh, Vittorio, what took you so

long? What's going on in here?

Oh! Is that why you came back?

To accuse me again, huh?

You have someone else

in here. Oh, very well.

I picked up a girl off the street,

and, uh, she's hiding in the closet.

- I don't believe you.

- Well, look for yourself.

All right, I will.

Oh, what's

the matter with me?

You wouldn't stoop so low as to

hide another woman in the closet.

Oh, I don't know

what comes over me.

The thought of you with another

woman just drives me insane.

Why do I torture myself

this way?

Why? Why?

Why?

If I knew you really cared,

I'd give you anything.

I care, cara mia.

Of course I care.

But why can't we discuss

this in the morning?

Do you care, Vittorio?

Do you really care?

Of course I care.

Of course I care.

Really?

Really.

You know, Ursula,

I don't understand...

why we torture

each other this way.

Oh, because I'm a fool,

jealous fool.

Oh, how could I have been so foolish

as to believe you'd bring home...

some cheap little nothing?

Now, Ursula, I really

do think you should go.

It's so late, and

I'm really very tired.

We can talk again

tomorrow, all right?

Oh. Just a moment.

Without you,

there is no love.

And without love,

Life has no purpose.

Oh, Ursula, Ursula.

Mmm, Vittorio,

Vittorio.

Wow.

Oh, talk about

your foreign movie.

If my friends

Could

See me

Now

Shh-shh.

It's morning.

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