Sweet Charity Page #4

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Oh.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Are you all right? Well,

it's too soon to tell.

Uh.

Okay.

Wow.

Silk sheets!

Must have cost a fortune.

Thank you very much for everything.

I am sorry the way things turned out.

No, it sorta figured, you

know? Why do you say that?

Because you're you,

and I'm me.

For the taxi. No, you've given

me enough already, really.

Well.

- Chow.

- Ciao.

Well, first we go to this ritzy place,

where we end up dancin' together.

Oh, he is some

terrific dancer.

Then, we go back to his

fashionable east-side apartment,

except it was

a whole, entire house...

with so many rooms you needed a

compass to find your way around.

Then we just sort of

sat around sippin' champagne...

and talkin' about life

and things, you know.

Oh, boy. It was

some terrific night.

So, come 6:
00 in the morning,

guess what he wants to do then?

Send me home in his own

personal, private limousine.

I say to him, "Vittorio, honey, forget it.

I enjoy walkin' when the sun's comin' up. "

But to tell you the truth, I didn't actually

walk. I mean I flew all the way home.

My feet never once

touched the ground.

Well, you keep on smokin'

them funny little cigarettes,

you're bound to do

a little flyin'.

I knew you wouldn't believe I spent

the entire evening with Vittorio Vitale.

You swear?

I swear.

On your mother's life?

On my mother's life.

Hey, Wanda, call up and see how

her mother is. All right, look.

Look... what he gave me.

And look what else.

His cane.

And his hat.

Mementos of our

evening together.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

His hat!

Is that all

he gave you?

What do you mean

is that all?

Hi, team. Hey, Nickie, did

you hear about Charity...

spendin' the night

with Vittorio Vitale?

I don't believe it!

And all she got for it was an

old hat and a cane. I believe it.

Oh, honey, if I was you,

I'd pass this hat...

and beat myself to death with

the cane, 'cause you are dumb.

You don't even know what

happened. Forget it, baby.

What you do in bed is your business.

You see? I wasn't even in bed.

I was in the closet.

To each his own.

The least you could have got

was a mink coat!

Oh, what's he gonna give me

a mink coat for?

If you gonna mess with the details,

you ain't gonna get no results.

A hat and a cane? If it was me, I'd have

walked out of there with my own beauty parlor.

Now you'll never

get outta here.

It was your big chance,

baby, and you blew it.

Now you're stuck...

stuck like the rest of us.

And it ain't no use flappin' your wings,

'cause we are caught in the flypaper of life.

Not me.

What'd you say?

I said not me.

What chance have we got

in a miserable joint like this?

I mean, just look at us.

Don't look at me.

I was always like this.

What's the matter with her? Nothin'.

If you happen to like a lot of

beat-up broads nobody cares about.

Well, not me.

I'm not gonna spend the next 40 years

of my life in the Fandango Ballroom.

I am not gonna become the world's first

little old gray-haired taxi dancer.

I am getting out.

Out!

What a nice word.

There's gotta be something

better than this

There's gotta be something

better to do

And when I find me

something better to do

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

and do it

There's gotta be some

respectable trade

There's gotta be something

easy to learn

And when I find me something

a half-wit can learn

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

and learn it

All these jokers

how I hate them

With their groping

Grabbing

Clutching

Clinching

Strangling

Handling

Fumbling, pinching

Pinching

Phooey!

There's gotta be some life

cleaner than this

There's gotta be

some good reason to live

And when I find me

some kind of life I can live

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

and live it

I got it. I have got it! What?

I'm gonna be

a receptionist.

In one of those glass

skyscrapers, 9:
00 to 5:00.

My own typewriter.

And water coolers. And office parties.

Ooh-ooh-ooh

and coffee breaks.

Wow!

When I sit at my desk

on the 41st floor

In my copy of a copy of

a copy of Dior

I'll receive big tycoons

and I'll point to a chair

I'll say

Honey, while you're waiting

How would ya like

to put it down over there

There's gotta be something

better than this

There's gotta be something

better to do

And when I find me

something better to do

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

and do it

Hey, hey, me too, me too.

I'm gonna get out of here, and

I'm gonna go right to the top.

Yea!

I am gonna be...

a hat check girl...

at one of them east-side

high-class restaurants.

You know, a tray full of cigarettes

costin' 60c a pack and keep the change?

And all those hats

comin' in:

Derbies, homburgs.

Ooh, and that cute

little checkered number...

with the skinny brim

and the feather!

Check your hat, sir

Check your coat, sir

Check your vest, sir

Check your pants

Check your socks, sir

Check your shoes, sir

I can hold them

while you dance

Check your eyes, sir

Check your ears, sir

Check and see if

you are free

How about it

after hours

I'll check you

And you check me

Me too, me too.

I'm gonna get out too.

But, baby, what can

you do? I don't know.

Just get me out of here,

and I'll figure it out later.

There's gotta be some life

cleaner than this

There's gotta be some good

reason to live

And when I find it

Some kind of life

I can live

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

and live it

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha!

Phooey.

Phooey.

Yip.

La-la la-la

la-la la-la

La-la la

La

La-la la-la

la-la la-la

La-la la la-la-la

la-la-la la-la-la

And when I find me

some kind of life I can live

I'm gonna get up

I'm gonna get out

I'm gonna get up, get out

And live

Live it

Excuse me, ladies.

They have just announced the winners

of the Irish Sweepstakes,

and since none of you lovely creatures is among

the winners, get your keesters back inside.

Hey, Herman, in the first

place, watch your language.

There's ladies present. And in the second

place, we're not so sure we're comin' back.

I can always find somebody

else. That's the third place.

I'm comin', Herman. But, Nickie, what

about all those plans we just made?

Yeah.

What about 'em?

Oh, I've got it, Mr. Carmichael.

Uh, stenotypist...

with a guarantee

of nine paid holidays,

cost of living escalation...

and free maternity care.

Okay, Mr. Carmichael, first stenotypist

that walks in, you've got her.

Good-bye, Mr. Carmichael.

- Ahem.

- Come in. Sit down.

Card.

Well, now, Miss, uh, Valentine,

what can we do for you?

I want a job...

a nice job.

Of course you do.

What nice job would you like?

And don't say mine,

'cause it's already taken.

Well, something in an office. Good.

You, uh, type, of course? No.

Take shorthand?

No.

Operate calculators?

Nope.

Keep books?

No.

File?

No.

Run a switchboard?

No.

You speak a foreign language? No.

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