Swindle

---

What is that doing

on my cake?

Oh!

Griffin.

Yeah, this could

be a problem.

It will be mine.

Go, guys, go!

Not a chance, baldy!

Go.

Oh, and it was

such a nice wedding.

Okay, I bet you're

wondering, "What's going on here?

"Who's the guy

with the bad haircut?

"And why

is he not wearing pants?"

Ouch.

"Who's that cute girl?

"Can you get her number?"

Clue. You can't.

"And who are those two?"

Most importantly,

you're probably wondering,

who am I?

Well, I can answer that.

I'm Griffin Bing.

Okay, you know what? Let's

go back to the beginning.

Morning, ladies.

Griffin, did you get the

chemistry test answers?

By GPA is saved.

Oh! You are welcome, Kirsten.

Griffin, tell me you got

the Carver High's playbook.

Dude, the whole team

owes you.

Whoo!

Go, Eagles!

Yo, Griffin, did you

score Final Annihilation 4?

Of course.

Unreal. This game doesn't

even drop till September.

So, Griffin, did you

talk to Amanda Benson?

Will she go out with me?

"No" to both questions.

What do you want, Griffin?

I've got collectibles,

comic books, action figures.

They're worth a lot.

Look, Eddie.

I love your geek...

Chic thing.

Uh, but check Amanda.

Second

prettiest girl in school.

I'm talented.

I'm connected.

But I'm not

a miracle worker.

Griffin! Griffin!

See my play.

Ugh, it's horrible.

I was on my way

to drama class

where I'm rehearsing

my original one woman play,

A Fresh Perspective

on a Freshman's Pain,

which I think is both

provocative and reassuring,

even if those

are somewhat contradictory...

Wait, Savannah.

Like... What?

Point?

Uh...

My point was... Ben.

He spilled his smoothie

all over Darren Vader.

Oh, no.

Griffin.

Not now.

Later, then.

Look, Darren,

I didn't see you there.

But in all fairness, there

are two victims here. I mean...

I am out one raspberry

mango smoothie, right?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

And you're also

out of luck.

Come on.

Darren. Stop.

I got that stuff

you were looking for.

Yeah, he got it.

The real stuff?

Yeah.

So let's say you leave

my friend alone, okay?

Nice.

Hey, Darren.

You okay?

Mostly. All

I've lost is my dignity.

Ah, Ben.

You weren't

using that anyway.

Dude, Montana stinks.

It's in

a different time zone.

We can chat online.

Really?

You'll be talking about

people I don't even know.

Ben, hey, Ben!

Good news, Ben.

We may not have to move

to Montana

and live with your

uncle Grover after all.

You got a job?

No.

I've got this new invention.

Check this out.

I call it the "iGot It."

With a lowercase "i."

I got it.

Trendy... Ish.

Okay, imagine

I'm a lazy couch potato

wallowing in pork rinds and

failure, sitting here in my boxers.

I'd rather not, Mr.

Dupree. What he said.

And I realize, "Hey, my

drink's way over there."

Can retrieved.

Want the lights on?

Bang!

Let there be light!

Hey, where's the remote?

Bam!

Why, it's in your hand, man.

That's where.

Thank you, iGot It.

Actually, you know, that's

not bad, Dad. You see?

I told you one of these

inventions would pay off one day,

or should I say Saturday.

When I enter the Snake Pit?

Snake Pit, the TV show?

Yeah, three minutes

to pitch your product.

The best one gets, like, a

whole mound of cash. Right!

Now, I've scratched together

the $300 for the entry fee.

Now all I have to do is...

Oh.

Oops.

Decided to do

a little remodeling?

It's just a few bugs

in the iGot It.

And what's this

gonna cost to fix?

I'm guessing about...

Three hundred dollars.

So long, Snake Pit.

Hello, Montana.

Would you two

sweep this up?

The master inventor and I

need to make

yet another emergency trip

to the hardware store

before we show the house

to the realtor tomorrow.

What the...

What's this?

Um, must have belonged

to whoever used to live here.

It belongs to you now.

"Honus Wagner."

Nice haircut.

Baseball card?

Yeah. An old one.

Might even

be worth something.

Well, how much?

At least $300. Come on,

I know a place we can go,

but it closes at 6:00.

Hey, we should

look it up first.

No time, come on.

Trust me.

No, a deal is a deal!

You back out on this,

and I will sue.

I will take you

for every last dime.

I will squeeze every penny

out of your pathetic...

Oh, customers.

Got to go, Grandma.

Gentlemen, what can

I interest you in today?

Actually, we were hoping to interest

you in something, Mr. Swindle.

Ah, it's "Swindell."

Accent on the back half.

All right, what do you got?

Is it worth anything?

Uh,

well, uh,

it's old, huh?

You know,

it's good condition.

No creases or folds

or frays.

But, you know, that doesn't

necessarily translate to value.

You understand. I mean, who's

ever heard of this "Honus Wagner?"

I'm sorry, but this card

isn't worth beans.

But, look! Uh...

Aw, man, I like you kids.

I'd hate to see you

go home empty handed.

How about I take it

off your hands for, say...

Ten bucks?

How's that sound?

It sounds like you

think we're stupid, Mr. Swindell.

Sorry to waste

your time.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Okay,

you got me, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got me. Yeah, it's

worth more than that.

Um, look, $100.

I'll give you $100 for it.

Ooh, is that the best

you can do?

Look, kid.

A hundred is generous.

Oh, yeah,

Griffin, generous.

Three fifty, no less.

No less?

Ah, no way.

Fine, bye.

Okay.

One fifty.

Four hundred.

What are you doing?

Two seventy five,

not a penny more.

Four fifty,

not a penny less.

What's your name, kid?

Bing, Griffin Bing.

Griffin.

I like your moxie, huh.

Reminds me of a young me.

All right, okay, you win.

Three fifty,

take it or leave it.

Take it.

Ah.

Three hundred

and fifty dollars.

Dude, you were like

a negotiating ninja.

You were all

slash, slash, slash.

And he was all,

"Ah, take my money."

Well, thank you very much.

Look, my dad gets to go the

Snake Pit, sell his invention,

and we don't have

to leave our home.

Hey, are there

any Pop Strudels left?

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.

Ben, Ben, Ben!

Ben!

Ben, whatever you do,

don't read the paper or...

So you had the

good fortune to come across it.

Turn on the TV.

There are only

five known Honus Wagners.

Oh, it's pronounced

"Honus." And this makes it six now.

Thank you for

that. So what is it worth?

An estimated

$1.2 million at least.

How does one find a buyer?

Oh, I'll have no trouble

finding a buyer.

I mean, collectors

will be lined up for this.

I mean, the phone's gonna

be ringing off the hook.

You know, so... You know,

give me a ring. Give me a call.

$1.2 million?

Okay, Ben, I admit it.

He got me, okay?

I... I should have seen

it coming, and I didn't.

He's good.

I'll give him that.

$1.2 million?

Yeah, I know.

I was a little off.

$1.2 million.

Okay, Ben, Ben,

listen to me.

Okay, I will get you

that card back. I promise.

I will get you that card,

and you will sell it,

and your toes will never

touch Montana grass.

Okay, Ben?

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