Swing Vote Page #3

The voter shall be-entitled

to recast the ballot. I know.

Alright, kids,

we're going to war.

A map!

Somebody get me a map!

There's one schmuck standing between us

and the White House. Find out who it is.

We can't do that legally.

Just find him.

We were supposed

to my cytoplasm out of Jell-O today.

What kinda kid would rather

sit in a crummy classroom...

than be out here?

What kind of father goes fishing

when he should be looking for a new job?

The kind who would just like...

to spend a little more time

with his daughter.

That's who.

- Fine.

- Fine.

Anyway, I've been thinking.

How refreshing!

Jesus! You gotta quit being

such a smart ass all the time?

And you've got to stop using Jesus

as a cuss word all the time!

He's a billion people's Savior.

Alright, fine, okay?

I get it.

- Fine.

- Fine.

I wish...

your mom could be here...

to talk to you about

everything that's going on.

I really do.

No, she... no, she can't.

She's just, she can't, baby.

Bud.

Next Tuesday, is bring

your father to school day.

- So?

- I want you to come.

It's not gonna embarrass

you that I don't have a job?

I don't care.

I want you to come anyway.

- Think you can remember?

- Of course.

How?

Well...

I'll write it on my forehead.

Can I go to school, now?

Yes. Just one more cast.

Why don't you go

start the truck.

Try to get a two shot, alright?

Okay, come on!

Earnest Johnson!

- Yes?

- Kate Madison.

- Hi, there.

- Hi.

Sh*t! You're the lady

from the news.

I am, and I'd like

to ask you a few questions.

You know, you're much prettier

than you are on the TV.

Thanks. I would...

Don't get me wrong,

you're pretty on the TV too.

Just, we got an old set

that kinda "squirshes" you.

Squishes everybody.

I believe, Mr. Johnson.

I believe...

You can call me Bud.

Bud. I was hoping you

could tell me why those men...

flew from Santa Fe,

to see you in the middle of the night.

Well, actually, I kinda promised

to keep that a secret.

You mean,

you're going to recast your vote.

Well, sh*t, I guess that I guess

it ain't that much of a secret then.

Now, listen, Bud,

you need to watch your language.

- We're taping this for TV, okay?

- The language?

Goddamnit, yes of course!

The question now is, who you voted for

and are you going to vote the same way?

Remind me again who's running?

What you're saying is,

you're keeping an open mind?

Yeah, that's...

That's the kinda guy I am.

You gotta be kidding me!

This is OJ big. Bigger!

I gotta call network!

John,

let me break the story.

I thought I was gonna die

in this shithole.

You said that when the time was right,

you'd give me a chance. That's the time!

We'll be back to a real market.

The city! With elevators and Chinese

restaurants and crime and traffic.

I got the tape

of Mrs. Zachary's prize winning sow.

Screw Mrs. Zachary.

And screw the sow!

You promised me.

Get network on the phone.

Don't screw it up.

- You won't regret it!

- Better not! Darlene!

So... is your dad coming

to talk to our class?

I don't know. Doesn't really leave

the house much since my mom left.

Mine left too.

She's pursuing

a singing career in Albuquerque.

I'm going to move there

when she becomes a big star.

And she's gonna take me

on tour and everything.

She'll probably do

a concert in Austin.

I could get you free tickets.

Maybe.

Guess I could borrow my dad's car.

I'll wait till he gets drunk.

Sometimes he passes out.

Do you think

I could try your skateboard?

Okay.

I'm the king of Curry County, John,

and I've been 15 years at this desk.

I feel for you, Ted.

Don't make me call security.

Holy crap!

You, desk! Sit!

People,

we go live in 30 seconds!

From this point on,

the news counts!

So excited,

I got my accent back. My god!

And cue graphics!

And cue music!

And cue!

Good evening. This is Madison, coming

to you from Curry County, New Mexico.

Over the last 24 hours,

the American political process...

has ground to a virtual standstill

as the world watches...

waiting for the outcome of an election.

Today, I uncovered the identity...

of the person the entire

world has been looking for.

The one swing voter

who will decide the election.

Those of you hoping to hear that

decision will be sorely disappointed.

Because you are about to meet

a registered independent...

who claims to be

keeping an open mind.

Imagine,

on this man's shoulders...

stands the future

of the free world.

Just the kind of guy I am.

Let it never again be said,

that a single vote counts for nothing.

Bud!

Bud!

What?

There's some people outside.

Geez, you gotta stop

waking me up like this, okay?

You're gonna kill me.

There are some people outside!

People?

God!

No, not there! Out front!

Oh, God... What now?

- Dad, hurry up!

- Yeah, I'm going, honey.

There's a lot of people

out there.

Okay, honey, let's see

what the fuss is all about.

Is that him?

Bud!

Mr. Johnson,

any decisions yet?

- Holy sh*t!

- What do they want?

I don't know.

Go turn the TV on, baby.

We are in the midst

of a historic moment.

The swing voter

has finally been identified.

We go live now to a trailer

in Texico, New Mexico.

Earnest Johnson made

an appearance just moments ago.

Apparently, overwhelmed

by the media presence.

And Mr. Landry, exactly how long

have you known Earnest Johnson?

Earnest Johnson?

Hey, Earnest!

- You mean Bud?

- We all grew up together.

How do you think he's

shouldering the responsibility...

of picking the next President

of the United States?

Well, I'm sure that...

Earnest is...

crapping his pants.

He's a good guy.

He likes to treat them good.

We used to light

the mesa back here on fire!

It's all my fault, isn't it?

No! No, no, no, baby, no.

None of this would have happened

if I hadn't let you down.

What are we gonna do?

Well...

I'm gonna back these people up.

Holy sh*t!

There's so many!

Ok, I'm just gonna go out there,

right? I'm gonna...

I'm gonna walk out there and tell

those people it wasn't me who voted.

No, you can't!

Why not?

You swore to that judge,

on a Bible and everything.

What? That was the middle

of the night. That can't count!

You were under oath, Bud.

Voter fraud is a felony.

And one more felony

and they take me away from you.

You're right. Sh*t!

I am down to one!

What do we do?

We lie. We have to.

Okay, that's a good plan.

Just a little white lie is all this is.

- Between us.

- Just between us.

Who knows,

maybe this thing, all these...

Maybe all these people,

they just go away.

Stop! Stop!

What the hell is this?

The biggest space we could find.

How we gonna do this?

Build a campaign around one man?

- I don't know how to do this.

- You're gonna leave it to me.

We're gonna win him, Don!

We're gonna win this guy.

We got the issues on our side!

- There you go!

- He's gonna love me!

What's not to love?

We're in trouble. I need you to dig up

everything you can on Earnest Johnson.

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