Sympathy for Delicious Page #5

CAN YOU BRING MR. ZAHEEDI?

THIS IS MR. ZAHEEDI. DEAN O'DWYER.

- WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S WRONG?

- MY DAUGHTER, MY CHILD.

SHE HAS CEREBRAL PALSY.

- MM-HMM.

FROM BIRTH. SHE'S BEEN SUFFERING.

L- I CAN'T SAVE MY OWN CHILD.

IF THERE IS ANYTHING

THAT YOU CAN DO...

- HOW MUCH?

- NO. NO. NO.

WHAT'S THE... WHAT'S THE OFFER?

NO, DEAN.

THAT'S REALLY BETWEEN HIM

AND THE CHURCH.

- I OFFERED $250,000.

IF... IF... IF SHE'S HEALED.

IF SHE'S HEALED.

FOR THE SHELTER.

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND?

PAY ME.

- I'M SORRY. WAIT. WHAT?

GIVE ME THE 250 GRAND

IF YOU WANT ME TO DO IT.

- I'M SORRY.

- NO, NO, NO.

YOU DON'T NEED HIM.

YOU NEED ME.

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

YOU GOT YOUR CHECKBOOK ON YOU?

- DEAN?

- NO.

CAN I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

- I'M OUT OF HERE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I JUST WANNA HELP MY CHILD.

- HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?

- YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER HEALED,

FOLLOW ME. FOLLOW ME.

LISTEN UP EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT IT?

YOU WANT IT?

COME TO THE F***IN' SHOW.

COME TO THE SHOW.

COME TO THE SHOW.

- AND THE DAYS

HAVE FINALLY COME

WHERE THE PRETTY LADIES

LAY IN SEIZURE:

A FILE OF RATS:

HAVE PAID FOR CROWS

SO COME ON,

TOUCH THIS HAND:

AND DON'T YOU EVER

LET IT GO:

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

WHEN THE ANIMALS

STOP PELTING:

IN ABANDONED SUBMISSION

AND THE RAVENOUS COME CLEAN

WHEN THEY FALL IN REMISSION

WHEN THEY FINALLY GIVE IN

AND THEY FEAST ON THIS CROW

WILL YOU... WILL YOU GENUFLEC IN A SPINDLE OF FEATHERS?

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

DON'T YOU EVER

LET IT GO:

I SAID TOUCH THIS HAND

AND DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

YEAH, YEAH, COME ON UP HERE

AND TOUCH THIS HAND

TOUCH THIS HAND:

AND DON'T YOU

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

I SAID TOUCH THIS HAND

AND DON'T YOU

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO,

GRIP IT TIGHTER:

GRIP IT TIGHTER,

YEAH, YEAH

GRIP IT TIGHTER:

- OH!

AND GENUINELY,

I WAS APPRECIATIVE OF THE FACT

THAT THEY CAME UP

ONE BY ONE:

AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE

THEIR LEAD:

MAYBE... MAYBE YOU SHOULD

MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME UP

MAYBE YOU SHOULD

MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME UP

ON SIDE, COME UP

HOLD IT... HOLD IT BACK

SO HELLO TO HIM, HON

MAYBE YOU CAN'T ARCH

YOUR EYEBROW:

BUT LOOK HIM IN THE EYE

BUT I'M GONNA TOUCH

THEIR HAND:

TOUCH THEIR HAND

AND COME UP ONE BY ONE

WATCH YOUR STEP NOW

I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE SLIPPERY

DOWN THERE:

SO COME UP HERE:

AND TOUCH THEIR HAND

EVERYBODY HOLDING HANDS

EVERYBODY,

NOW YOU COME UP:

ONE BY ONE NOW, COME ON,

NOW DON'T TRIP

WATCH YOUR STEP NOW,

WATCH OUT NOW:

IT'S A LITTLE SLIPPERY DOWN

THERE SO COME ON

COME UP HERE ONE BY ONE

I WANT YOU TO COME UP HERE

ONE BY ONE:

AND NOW I'M CALLING YOU,

MY CHILDREN, THAT'S RIGHT

I WANT YOU, EVERYONE,

COME UP HERE:

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

COME ON UP HERE,

COME UP HERE:

DON'T YOU EVER LET IT GO

COME UP HERE:

DON'T YOU EVER, EVER,

EVER LET IT GO:

DON'T YOU EVER,

NEVER LET IT GO:

NEVER LET IT GO:

THAT WAS F***IN' ROCK STAR!

STAIN, MAN...

YOU'RE A F***IN' ROCK STAR BRO.

I AM THE F***ING LORD

THY WANT OF COME.

- OH!

- THAT'S F***IN' RIGHT.

I F***IN' CHRISTEN THEE

DOUBLE D DELICIOUS.

NINA, NINA,

IT F***IN' WORKS.

I TOLD YOU IT WOULD WORK,

YOUR DOUBTER, AND IT WORKS!

I SMELL IT.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?

YOU ALL GAVE BIRTH TONIGHT.

AND NOW WE HAVE A CHILD.

DUDE, WE HAVE A CHILD.

WE... WE BROUGHT A NEW LIFE

INTO THE STALE F***IN' WORLD

OF ROCK.

YOU WERE ALL BRILLIANT.

STAIN, IT WAS YOUR NIGHT, BABY.

- TOO F***IN' RIGHT, IT WAS.

- YOU DID IT.

YOU TOOK YOUR PLACE.

- TOO F***IN' RIGHT, I DID.

CHUCK, A POWER MAN. BRASH.

OOGIE, I COULD TASTE YOU.

ARIEL, YOU HAD WINGS ON YOUR BACK.

I COULD SEE YOUR WINGS.

AND YOU...

YOU SEXY MOTHERF***ER.

THAT IS RIGHT.

I CALLED HIM FORTH.

I PLUCKED HIM HENCE.

STAIN, MY LOVE,

YOU HAVE TO WRITE A SONG.

A SONG:

THAT WILL SUPPORT OUR D

AS HE ROLLS DOWNSTAGE.

BECAUSE WHEN WE TOUR,

WHICH WE WILL,

OUR BABY'S GONNA BE NAMED...

"HEALAPALOOZA."

HEALAPALOOZA, EH?

HEALA-F***IN'.

OUR BABY.

OUR F***IN' BABY.

I AM BRINGING ABOU THE DIPHTHONGS EXPERIENCE

TO THE PEOPLE.

LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT,

NINA, LOVE, ALL RIGHT?

I WANTED DEAN IN THE BAND

FROM THE BEGINNING

BECAUSE OF HIS SCRATCHING.

THIS MAN IS AN ARTIST.

NOT SOME SIDESHOW FREAK.

HE'S NOT GONNA SELL HIMSELF OU TO A LITTLE MAGIC HANDS TRICK.

THE BAND IS THE MUSIC.

WE WILL OVERRIDE THE SHOW

INTO SOME DISPLAY

AND BE RESPECTED.

BUT, D, DUDE, YOU MAY END UP

A PATHETIC JOKE.

ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT, MAN?

F*** IT.

LONG AS I'M GETTING PAID.

DO Y'ALL HEAR THAT?

ARE WE CLEAR, NINA?

- YEAH.

- GOOD.

I'VE GOT PHONE CALLS TO MAKE.

YOU THINK I'M A SELL-OU SIDESHOW FREAK?

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

AS LONG AS YOU'RE GETTING PAID,

RIGHT?

OH, F*** IT, ARIEL.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

GO BACK TO LIVING

IN MY F***IN' CAR?

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

YOU'RE OWED. YOU'RE OWED.

YOU'RE OWED, RIGHT?

YEAH, EVERYBODY OWES YOU.

- YOU'RE SO FULL OF SH*T!

I'M ABOUT TO PU YOUR CRAP ASS BAND

ON THE F***ING MAP!

I'M GONNA GIVE EVERYTHING

YOU WANTED!

WHAT'S ALL THIS PURITY

COMING FROM YOU?

YEAH, MYBAND! MYBAND!

MY F***IN' BAND, YOU MOTHERF***ER!

YOU F***IN' PIECE OF SH*T!

YOU HAVE GOD'S GIFT!

YOU HAVE GOD'S GIFT!

DO YOU EVEN CARE

ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE, DEAN?

DO YOU EVEN CARE WHAT HAPPENS

TO THEM?

WHO THE F*** ARE YOU?

I KNOW MY PLACE IN THE WORLD.

WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU?

PIECE OF SH*T.

- I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED

TO LEGALLY JOIN THE FOLD.

I CAN NEVER FIRE YOU EVER.

DEAN, LOOK, THERE WERE 17 SICK

OR INFIRM PEOPLE

IN THE AUDIENCE THE OTHER NIGHT.

TWELVE OF THEM SAID

THEY WERE HEALED.

NOW IF THAT'S AN INDICATOR,

THEN YOU'RE MISSING 28%

OF THE TIME,

WHICH IS A MARKETING NIGHTMARE.

AND THAT MEANS:

THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT,

WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

TO KNOW ABOUT.

BUT I'M THE ONE WHO'S TAKING

THE RISK.

I NEED SECURITY.

YOU'LL SEE.

IT'S A PRETTY STANDARD CONTRACT.

SEVEN-YEAR NEGOTIATION CLAUSE

ON MY END,

PLUS A FEW EXTRAAMENITIES,

BECAUSE I'M SO HANDS-ON.

AND WE CAN TALK:

ABOUT SWEETENING YOUR END.

HOW DO YOU FEEL:

ABOUT A SIGNING BONUS, HMM?

GOOD. YOU READY?

IT'S CALLED "HEALAPALOOZA."

DOWNTOWN, THERE'S A BUZZ GOING ON.

A NEW BAND CLAIMS TO HEAL PEOPLE

DURING THEIR SHOW,

ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY HEAL THEM.

FANS ARE SWEARING UP AND DOWN

THEY'VE RECEIVED HEALINGS

FROM THE TOUCH OF THE BAND'S DJ,

DELICIOUS DEAN.

THE CONTROVERSIAL HEALAPALOOZA TOUR

IS GAINING MOMENTUM

OF TRUE BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS.

ARTY PUNK-ROCK BAND,

BURNT THE DIPHTHONGS,

DENIED ACCUSATIONS

THAT THEIR ONSTAGE MIRACLES

ARE NOTHING MORE

THAN A PUBLICITY STUNT.

IN FACT, THEY CLAIMED THE SHOW

IS REALLY ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC.

HE TOUCHED ME IN DIFFERENT PLACES,

BUT THEN HE FOCUSED HIS ENERGY

WHERE I TOLD HIM I HAD MY TUMOR.

I WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM

THE WHOLE TIME.

THE BIZARRE SCRATCH ROCK

HEALING PUNK SHOW

HAS SPARKED A RIO AND EVEN A RELIGIOUS PROTEST.

BUT IT'S ALSO BEING CALLED

"NEW CHURCH"

BY ITS SURPRISINGLY DIVERSE FANS.

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