Tad Jones and the Secret of King Midas

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1

(THUNDER CRASHING)

We're gonna get dragged!

We've gotta get out of here!

Just five minutes more!

(WHISPERING VOICES)

(VOICES STOP)

(BEEPING)

Over there!

I found it. I finally found it.

Okay, let's get out of here!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

ANTIQUE DEALER:
See?

Told you she'd be here, sir.

I kept my part of the agreement.

RACKHAM:
Well, a deal is a deal.

Oh, wow! You are really generous,

Mister Rackham, sir. (CHUCKLES)

Enjoy it.

What... What are you...

Hey, what are you doing, fellows?

Let go of me!

No, no, no!

(YAWNING)

Back to business.

Herodotus was considered

the father of History. Cool.

Super cookie.

Wow, this guy was the bomb.

Hey, you're really

hitting those books hard.

Tell me about it. First year

of archaeology is super demanding.

I don't get what you find

so interesting about this old stuff.

Oh, now I get it.

- Now that is something worth studying.

- She's hot.

Hey, don't talk like that about Sara.

Don't start again.

Nobody buys that you know her.

Actually, we even kissed.

Okay, just once.

Oh, here we go.

Then we barely saw each other

after that.

You know, she's been going away

on long expeditions,

and I've been studying and working.

We kind of left things in the air.

Oh, sure. You kissed this girl?

But even long distance,

I feel her here, close to my heart.

- I can sense the trembling.

- (MOBILE VIBRATING)

I can really sense the trembling.

(GASPS) It's Sara!

Yeah. And I just got a call

from Scarlett Johansson.

- Hey, watch it!

- TAD:
Sorry.

Tad, you should try

living in reality for a change.

(STAMMERING) Sara?

Tad. I hope I'm not interrupting.

Not at all.

(ALL IMITATE KISSING)

Hey, I saw you on the cover

of National Petrographic.

(CHUCKLES) I know, right?

Did you get the invitation

to the exhibition?

Yeah! I can't wait to be there!

Wonderful. I can't wait to see you.

Me, too.

SARA:
The exhibition opens

at the Luxorious Hotel, in Las Vegas.

- Need directions?

- Let me find a pen.

Whoa!

(GASPS)

- Where are you going?

- What? Nowhere, I'm still here.

No, no, I didn't mean you.

- (GRUNTS)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- My bad!

- Tad, do you want me to hang up?

Stop right there!

Okay, so I won't hang up.

No, wait!

SARA:
Are you okay?

Yeah. So, Luxorious Hotel?

Yes. First, take the I-290 west

for 30 miles...

I-290 west for 30 miles!

- And turn the second left.

- Right, keep left.

And then go straight.

You'll get to a pyramid shaped hotel.

You can't miss it.

Big pyramid-shaped hotel.

I got it.

No, I didn't.

What? Did you get it or not?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(SCREAMING)

- Bye, Sara!

- Whoa!

- (CLANGS)

- Tad?

(WAILS)

(SCREAMING)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF) That was close.

Oops! Sorry.

Is everything okay in there, boss?

Stones!

You're...

TAD:
Oh, my lucky cologne.

Smell that.

My Indy hat,

my fancy tuxedo, and my bow tie.

Two shirts, suspenders,

new underwear...

I think that's all.

Do you think she'll like it, Jeff?

(BARKING)

Jeff!

Ready, Jeff? Let's go see Sara.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Sir, are you all...

- Water!

- (SCREAMS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

Water! Water!

You?

Need water!

It's you!

I haven't had a drink in 20 days.

No, no, no, stop! Oh! That's... Oh!

- (MUMMY BELCHES)

- (TAD RETCHING)

Oh, you can't imagine

the trip I had to find you.

Oh, it's so good to see you!

It's not possible!

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a long story,

I'd better not tell you.

(LAUGHS) But I will. You see,

when you left my lost city,

I was judged for letting you go.

The Mummy Court exiled me!

TAD:
They kicked you out?

MUMMY:
Yeah, all because of you!

Well, and a bad deal with my lawyer.

But that's another story.

The thing is,

I had to say goodbye to my home tomb

and then travel further

than I ever had before.

I got lost in the desert

following these strange lines.

I didn't know what to do.

And then, I remembered you.

My one and only human friend!

Friend?

Oh, you're right.

- We're more like brothers.

- (JEFF BITING)

Uh, can you please control

this little monster?

Jeff, down, boy!

Uh, well, sorry, but I was just leaving.

(GASPS) But I just got here!

I'm going to Vegas to see Sara.

Sara? Oh, my Sara?

Oh, I miss her so much.

What are we waiting for?

Oh, no, no, no. You are not coming.

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

MUMMY:
Yes!

Whoo-hoo! I'm the king of the world!

Hey! Get back here, you deserter!

Could you please sit down

and stop drawing attention to yourself?

What is with you?

Listen, you're a mummy.

You scare people.

In my world, you're a zombie.

Zombie.

Sounds good! I like that name.

Excellent. Now please be quiet.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You got it.

I won't move a muscle. Look!

(GROANS)

Oh, what's this?

(GASPS) Oh, my... It's a necklace!

- It's for me, right?

- Hey! That is not for you!

MUMMY:
I think it looks great

with my eyes.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

It's not for you!

Oh! It's for Sara.

Yes, it's for Sara.

(GASPS) I knew it.

Come on, tell me everything.

I'm a relationship expert.

Five hundred years of experience.

I know everything about women.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)

Hey!

(SCREAMING)

See? Total heartbreaker.

(CAR CRASHING)

Okay.

I'm going to ask her

to be my girlfriend.

Huh.

I'm not sure how to tell you this, Tad,

but, uh, she seems a little

out of your league.

You know, like you're punching

above your weight.

Like she's a 10 and you're a two.

She's hot, you're not. (LAUGHS)

She's too good for you.

TAD:
Thank you for being so encouraging.

What are friends for?

MUMMY:
Friends? Brothers!

Awesome!

What is "awesome"?

Uh, well, people say it

when they really like something...

Something super impressive.

Oh, I get it.

Like the Machu Picchu,

like the Pyramids of Lima Culture,

like Lake Titicaca.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that.

So, now you stay in the car.

Don't move a muscle, you hear me?

(TAD GROANS)

(JEFF BARKS)

Wow, look at that, Jeff.

WOMAN:
Mr. Stones?

Hi, I'm Tiffany Maze,

Professor Lavrof's assistant.

- Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

- (JEFF BARKS)

Oh, what a cute little dog.

Who's a good boy?

Wanna shake?

Uh, sorry, he's just not

very connected to this world.

Mrs. Lavrof told me to take care of you.

I'm gonna do my thesis

on her latest discoveries.

Oh, wow! You're majoring

in archaeology, too?

Boston University. I'm a sophomore.

Chicago. But I'm just a freshman.

(TAD SIGHS)

But compared to Sara...

She is amazing.

I'm learning so much from her.

It's incredible where she is now.

The most important

archaeologist nowadays.

I'd give anything to be like her.

Come on. Sara's waiting for you.

(JEFF BARKING)

The bust there,

and the suits of armour there.

Oh, careful.

Hey! Belzoni! How are you doing,

my little bird man?

(JEFF BARKING)

(SQUAWKING)

(LAUGHS) They're good friends.

Tad. You're here.

Sara.

(IN SLOW MOTION) Sara!

I'm so happy to see you.

Come on, let me show you the exhibit.

You're gonna love it.

Awesome!

- (HORN HONKS)

- (GASPS)

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