Take Me Home Page #4

I grew up with my mom.

- Oh.

- In Vegas?

In Vegas, Atlantic City, Orlando,

pretty much everywhere.

- So how did you two meet?

- Uh, Mom.

Oh!

Oh, well, excuse me.

If somebody would just call his

parents every once in a while...

and fill them in on what's

happening in his life,

I would not have

to be so nosy.

- But, so, do you work together?

- No.

- No.

- No, I'm in nonprofit.

I don't think I'd last

very long as a cabbie.

A cabbie?

Yeah, like your son.

Thom?

I didn't tell you guys

about that?

That you drive a cab?

Yep. Well, on the side,

you know, for fun.

Well, what happened

to Wall Street?

Nothing happened to Wall Street, Mom.

It's still there.

It's just, uh, you know,

I, uh, got a mobile office,

Wi-Fi, satellite kinda thing.

I just, you know, don't have to

be rooted to a desk anymore.

I can literally work anywhere.

So I can just type it in,

and off it goes.

- I'll have the chicken if there's...

- But why, a cabdriver?

Well, I mean, why not,

you know?

When in New York...

Right?

Uh, plus, it's always been a dream of mine

to overhaul the-the transit system there.

So I figure, you know, might as

well start with one out of a fleet.

And, uh, so I figure...

So you own a cab?

- It's out front.

- Here?

You just... You just drove

out here in a taxicab?

- Sure did.

- What fun!

- Yep.

- Goodness!

You came all the way

out from New York in a...

- It's unbelievable, isn't it?

- Wow.

- Wow, wow, wow.

- Yep.

Is it one of the Checkers,

or is it a little yellow one?

- I always liked the yellow ones.

- It's a... It's yellow.

- Oh, good. They smell better. - Well, uh,

if you could excuse me for a moment.

Oh, sure. Oh, if you need

the bathroom, sweetheart,

it's just past the, uh,

pantry on the right.

Oh, you wanted

to have meat loaf?

Uh, chicken.

Asian chicken.

Good for you.

- Well, would you look at that.

- Yeah.

- What fun!

- Yeah.

So, how much is he charging you, Claire?

No, I'm kidding.

I am so kidding.

Well, it was really

nice to meet you.

I just wish we had

more time together.

Are you sure you don't want

to stay until breakfast?

Because your father doesn't even

have to leave until 10:00 and we...

Yeah, I'm... I'm...

I'm sure, Ma.

All right.

Well, it was nice

to meet you anyway.

Not a lot of time,

but hopefully...

How are you doing on cash? Need

some money for gas or whatnot?

Uh...

No.

Okay, um...

All right.

A pleasure.

So, you have your dad's

new telephone number?

Yes. Okay.

You'll call when you

get to California?

- Yeah. I, I will. - Just to let

us know if you're all right.

- Right.

- Okay?

- Okay, Mom.

- Safe trip.

Thanks.

You okay?

Let me know if you

need to switch.

You can't drive.

Not legally.

Claire.

Wow.

Did you know about this?

I have no idea

how we got here.

That's impressive,

what with you, um...

driving the car and all.

I must have dozed off.

No, I dozed off.

You apparently went into a coma.

We're alive, aren't we?

Let's get back in the car

and find the highway.

The highway you drove off?

- Yes.

- How do we do that, Claire?

Is there an on ramp

I'm not seeing here?

- We follow the tracks.

- What tracks, Claire?

Unless you sprinkled bread crumbs

for us to follow, there are no tracks.

Why are you being an ass?

It's not like I meant to do this.

You realize that makes

it even worse, right?

'Cause that means we have

no way of getting back.

Fine.

You stay here.

I'm sure the tumbleweeds

can appreciate your sarcasm

a whole hell of a lot

more than I can.

That was going to be so cool,

wasn't it, with you driving off?

Shall I?

So when exactly were you

diagnosed as a compulsive liar?

I'm not a compulsive liar.

Nah, you're Hall of

Famer Dan Reeves.

Well, yeah,

I lied about that.

And about being a therapist.

And a Wall Street tycoon.

And just now about

not being a liar.

- That's kind of oversimplifying it,

isn't it? - Well, it's kind of simple.

- You lie habitually.

- I don't see what the big deal is.

Women are always like,

"You know what?

Let's just be completely, brutally

honest about everything. "

And then somewhere along

the lines that turns into,

"I hate that you squeeze from the

wrong end of the toothpaste,"

or, or, um, "You know when you're making

that face when we're making love?

Don't do that.

That's ugly. "

Or, uh, "I wish you

looked like a model. "

"And I've wanted to have sex with every

person I've seen today except you. "

You feel better?

I know I do. Oh!

I'm so glad I got

that off my chest.

I mean, I would much rather tell a few

white lies than put in all that work.

And the lies back at your

parents' house, that wasn't work?

All that backpedaling?

And for what?

They don't care if you're some Wall Street

zillionaire. They just want you to be happy.

- And how would you know that?

- Because they're unhappy.

- They are?

- Completely.

Your dad keeps

everything bottled in.

Your mom barely

acknowledges your dad.

Whatever those two had when they got

married they gave up on a long time ago.

Yeah, well, you know what? It can't be all

rainbows and chocolate hearts, you know?

They had kids,

responsibilities.

Eventually,

you have to settle down.

Some people settle down

and some people just settle.

Well, it's clear which

category you fit into.

- What?

- Oh, come off it.

You escape New York faster

than Kurt Russell.

And then you demand that I take you back

once you feel like I'm scamming you.

And then you-you-you-you ask me to drop you

off at a motel in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, make up your mind.

You're like a Ping-Pong ball.

Someone gives you a little

tap and you just go flying.

I left New York because I caught

my husband having an affair.

Oh.

- Yeah, oh.

- You, like, um...

caught him?

Pretty much.

There was definitely

something going on.

But you didn't

see anything?

I don't... See, I didn't see... I don't

need to see something. I just know.

There was no, like, e-mails? You didn't

find pictures from the Bahamas or anything?

I just know.

All right, okay.

Why are you laughing?

When I drove off the road,

you caught me.

This?

This just sounds like someone

looking for a way out.

How much further,

you think?

Depends.

On what?

Whether we're going

toward it or away from it.

We could be two days from

the nearest road by now.

Great attitude.

Let's stop crapping

ourselves, shall we?

The likelihood of us

getting out of this alive,

gets slimmer the longer

we're out here.

If the cold doesn't get us tonight,

the heat will tomorrow.

Would you shut up?

You wanna pretend there's a Marriott

over the next horizon, you do that.

But I would much rather spend our energy

trying to figure out how to, you know,

keep each other warm.

How do you suggest

we do that?

No, thanks.

Well,

I'm not talking about...

Whatever.

You think it's cold now?

Wait a few hours.

Thom.

- Salvador Snchez

- It's an easy fix.

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