Take Me Home Tonight Page #6

We regret to inf... "

"We regret to inform you that you have not

been accepted into our graduate program"

God damn it!

Hey, wait, c'mon. Let's not let some fancy

pants school in England ruin our night.

Honey, you can still do your writing thing and

now you get to do it right here, next to me, ok.

What can I do to make you feel better?

How about some bathroom sex. Will that

do it?

How many times have you done that?

You know... 3...

...and a half... times.

Oh god.

See that is what I really like about

you, Matt.

You're honest.

Tori, there's something that I gotta

tell you.

You have a girlfriend right?

No, it's um...

It's kinda the opposite...

- You have a boyfriend?

- No.

Remember when I bumped into you this

morning at the video store?

Actually I don't work at Goldman Sachs.

I work at that video store.

- What?

- Seriously, I work at Suncoast Video.

Shut up...

No, seriously, I work at Suncoast Video.

- You lied to me?

- No, I mean I know it was stupid.

But I only did it because I thought if you

knew that my life was such a dead end...

- I wouldn't sleep with you.

- No.

Oh my god. I am so stupid.

I actually thought that maybe you wanted to

get to know me.

I do!

You know what. Congratulations Matt, you

slept with your high school crush.

Mission accomplished!

No, Tori.

Tori!

Ah... F***!

Where the hell have you been man?

- You will not believe what the hell just happened.

- Barry, I gotta get out of here.

Big ditto on that. These people are ??

Come on.

Sh*t.

Barry, Barry.

- Yeah.

- I slept with Tori Frederking.

Are you shitting me?

Los Angeles, Matt Franklin had sex

with Tori Frederking, tonight.

What a night!

Then I told her I worked at Suncoast.

And then you told her what?

I told her I work at Suncoast.

- Why are you like this?

- It wasn't fair. I had to be honest with her.

What are you, stupid?

How do you f*** this up, man? Why can't you

give yourself one night of enjoyment?

Put a little relish on your hotdog.

Here...

- I want you to do this.

- No.

- Matthew...

- I don't do drugs.

- You don't do anything.

- I just had sex with Tori Frederking.

Yeah, well, I guess that's not gonna work

out for you now, is it?

You f***ed it up!

Sorry pal.

- Alright, take the wheel.

- Yeah, that's what I'm talkin about.

- You got it?

- Barry!

- Yeah.

- Holy sh*t!

Holy sh*t!

We only lost a little bit.

We start splashing around and fooling around and

the next thing you know, this flotation ring...

...hits me in the head.

- And I look up and...

- It's his grandma.

Yeah. My crazy grandmother.

And she says to me "I can't tell if you're

f***ing or drowning..."

...but neither one is letting me get

any sleep.

- Could be worse.

- No it couldn't, Barry.

It couldn't be any worse.

Put your hands in the air.

I was wrong. Now it couldn't be

any worse.

- Matthew?

- Wow, wrong again.

Oh my god, oh my god.

Calling for a backup request, over.

Are you two okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah dad.

- What's that all over your face, Barry?

- Cocaine.

Dad, we're fine. Thank god you're

on duty tonight.

Yeah.

Let's get outta the car.

Take it easy. Alright.

- Get down on the ground!

- What?

- Get down on the god damn ground!

- Oh my god.

Oh no!

Why'd you steal a car? Why'd you

steal it?

He had nothing to do with it, it was

all me. He was there, yeah...

...but he chickened out at the end. He

went back to the car.

- You did nothing!?

- I drove the stolen car, that's it.

I stole the car. And then the cocaine

was in the car.

- You didn't buy the coke?

- No, no, no.

- And you didn't have any?

- No I swear to god, dad.

Please Mr. Franklin. Don't send me to jail.

Yeah this car is in pretty rough shape.

What's the sticker price on this, Barry?

Fifty three thousand.

Fifty eight thousand with the full chrome

and leather package.

Yeah, after you serve your jail time, I

figure you'll be on probation...

...working this off for at least one

to two years.

Dad, the car's not that damaged.

- Holy sh*t!

- Maybe three!

- Four years.

- Jesus christ, dad.

Maybe five.

Depending on what kind of job you get.

Of course with your education, you should

be able to earn a decent salary.

- I swear to God I'll get an engineering job, dad!

- But you don't want an engineering job, Matthew.

- I'll do whatever you want me to do.

- But what do you want?

I don't know.

No, Dad I'm sorry. I'm just messed

up, ok?

I don't know what I wanna do and I'm

sorry I'm such a f***ing failure!

You haven't really failed, son. Because

you haven't really tried to succeed.

So don't credit yourself as a failure.

You're worse than that!

I just can't figure it out, dad.

Don't cry like that in jail, son.

I don't wanna go.

You boys will spend at least 7 days in

LA county jail before they arraign you.

- You'll be there with child molesters.

- Please don't.

But don't worry. We'll make sure the

guards know you're a cops kid.

Hey Bill, I can't keep this up. Look at

Matt's face.

He's about ??

- Ok boys. This is your one and only Mulligan.

- What?

- You're free to go.

- Oh my god, thank you.

- You guys don't have to turn us in?

- Relax, Matt. We're LAPD.

But don't do it again, Barry! I mean

it. No more coke!

Oh are you kidding me! Never, never. Are

you crazy!

- This was like the craziest night.

- Wipe that coke off your face.

I can't...someone... Mr. Johnson!?

Thank you Mr. Franklin.

Matt, take a shot at something.

Don't think about it too much. Just

take the shot.

I don't even know where to aim.

Anywhere...everywhere...just take

wild shots.

Hell, it's something just to hear the

gun go off.

Thanks, dad.

That was very scary!

My brain feels like snot.

I think she might have left the car

back at Kyles.

Matt come on.

Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!

Anybody who thinks Broder will actually ride

the ball, place your bets with Bryce...

...anybody who thinks he won't go through

with it, cause he's a total p*ssy...

...place your bets with Benji.

And it's going to be...choice!

- They're gonna run the world.

- How do you know she's still here?

A**hole.

She's here.

- Do I get a helmet?

- Yeah, it's down there, by the tampons.

F***ing slam it!

??

- Hey.

- Hey.

Matt... please, don't be mad.

Wow, Shelly. This really hurts.

No I'm not riding it man. I'm not

riding it.

I got fired today.

I think I'm gonna ride the ball.

- Tori!

- I'm not interested in anymore of your bullshit..

Look, listen to me. I only lied about one

detail about myself.

And that's my job. Everything else was

real... tonight was... real...

And it was amazing.

But you never would have talked to me for

more than 2 minutes, admit it...

...if you knew I worked for Suncoast Video.

You lied to me all night so I would

have sex with you.

So you only had sex with me because

you thought I was a banker?

No, I went to a party with you

because I thought you were a banker.

But I had sex with you because I thought

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