Take the 10

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1

- [Chris] Have you ever seen Brown Bunny?

- [Chester] No.

What's that?

[Chris] It's a movie with Chlo Sevigny

and Vincent Gallo.

And in it, Chlo Sevigny goes down

on Vincent Gallo for like five minutes.

- And they use his real penis.

[Chester] That's just pornography.

No, it's not. It's called acting.

If you wrote in a script

that I suck your dick for five minutes,

I would do it.

Why? Because you're paying me.

I wouldn't suck your dick for six minutes,

I wouldn't do it for four.

I would f***ing full method it,

and just Daniel Day-Lewis your penis

in my mouth for five minutes.

Does that make me gay? No.

Just makes me, like, a really good actor.

Okay, in this situation, why am I

the one paying you to suck my dick?

- Would you rather suck my dick?

- I don't wanna suck anyone's dick.

You shouldn't have written it

in the script.

[cell phone ringing]

Danny, I know what you'll say. It's okay.

I'll get you your money. Don't worry.

What? Why 800?

[cell phone ringing and buzzing]

I don't know what

you're talking about, man.

F*** it, call the cops.

I don't give a sh*t anymore.

It's all you. Goodbye.

- What happened?

- I am so screwed.

"I'm so screwed. Feel bad for me."

You're such a drama queen sometimes.

Oh, sh*t!

- Brake, brake, brake!

- Brake! [Screaming]

[Chester] Uh-huh. It's about 70,000 miles,

but it's... It's in great shape.

Mm-hm. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.

The trunk has an automatic latch,

in the front.

Yeah, and the trunk is super spacious.

It's really big, like a living room.

Could fit a love seat.

No.

No, no, not really, no.

I'll see you there, Carlo. Thank you.

Okay.

Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, bye.

Yes.

[woman over recording]

Welcome to The Travel Linguist.

This is Portuguese 101.

In this lesson,

you will learn common greetings.

The word for "hello" is oi.

The word for "please" is por favor.

[car horn honks]

[car horn honking]

[woman over recording

speaking in Portuguese]

[speaks in Portuguese]

[in English] That's right.

Don't forget to roll the R's.

[continues speaking in Portuguese]

- The word for "thank you" is obrigado.

- Let's go!

Start the car! Let's go!

[engine starts]

Cool. Hey, don't slam the door.

Don't slam the...

[Chris]

What the f*** are you listening to?

- [Chester] I'm learning Portuguese.

- I gotta change this.

- What's wrong with this?

- No.

Why isn't this working?

Can we not with the merchandise?

This is a vintage automobile.

It needs to be treated with kid gloves.

All right? And when did you start smoking?

What? I needed to change things up, okay?

It was either this or Scientology.

And I can't wear maritime-style uniforms.

It makes my face look fat.

Well, I just sold this car,

so, let's take care of it, and no smoking.

Can you cover my register for 30 minutes?

I need to meet this guy at 10:30.

What guy?

Carlo. The guy from Craigslist.

He called me this morning.

He wants to buy the car.

This guy has an amazing story.

He just moved to this country...

- You sold your car without consulting me?

- Are you even listening to me?

- That's pretty selfish.

- Can you cover my register?

If you sell your car,

how do we get to Rock the Bells?

I can't go to a concert.

I just told you I'm gonna meet Carlo.

Then I'll work a double. Go home.

- Pack. That's my night. I'm booked up.

- You know what I did to get these tickets?

I'm not going to a concert

with your brother's fake tickets.

Sell 'em

and get your car out of the impound, man.

- Grow up. Get a life.

- Okay.

And what are you packing for, huh?

Brazil. I'm going to Brazil.

You remember Brazil, right?

Doing that this early in the morning?

The Brazil conversation?

- Not...

- All right. All right. I'll do it.

Well, did you get your ticket yet?

I mean, not yet, but I will.

No. I didn't think so.

We're going to the concert.

No, no, no.

We're not going to the concert.

Because as soon as I sell this car

I'm using that money to buy a ticket.

I'm serious this time.

You're not gonna talk me out of it, okay?

You're...?

You're still coming with me, right?

Yeah, I'm coming with you, okay?

For the millionth time.

Good.

So,

then stop being such a downer about it.

- All right?

- I'm not a downer.

It's just that you've talked about Brazil

every week for the last 4 years,

so, it's like the boy who cried wolf,

then got gang-banged by the wolf

- and all his friends.

- I don't wanna hear another word from you.

Real quick, can we go over this

whole moving-to-another-continent idea?

I mean, I'm down, I just wanna make sure

that we're not gonna regret it forever.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, okay.

This is how I plan

to retire when we move to Brazil.

- Sh*t, you trying to smoke that?

- What? No.

- You wanna snort it?

- How would...?

- You're f***ing crazy. I'm in, though.

- No, no, no. This is guayusa.

- I don't get it.

- It's an Amazonian super leaf,

packed with caffeine

and natural antioxidants.

I've been researching this stuff

for months.

You wanna know how much it costs

- to ship and produce this one bottle?

- Four seventy-nine?

Seventy-five cents.

And they sell it here for $4.79,

for people...

For people like that.

That's a $3 profit margin

that these companies are making.

That's what you're doing

in your spare time, Chester?

Researching bottled drinks?

- That's weird.

- Oh, shut up. That's not weird.

Guayusa's the future.

- Will you stop pronouncing it like that?

- Like what?

- Guayusa.

- Guayusa.

- Guayusa.

- Guayusa.

- Guayusa.

- I'm saying guayusa.

Okay. So, when we get to Brazil,

your plan is to start some natural

energy drink using guayusa,

and then sell it

to high-end markets in the U.S.?

I mean, genius, right?

I don't know how to explain this,

but your plan is f***ing dumb as sh*t.

Does that make sense?

Is that registering or...?

Forget it. You're out.

Have fun making minimum wage.

Let me explain why it won't work.

When we get to Brazil,

we don't have any job prospects,

so we can't make money.

We don't know anyone,

so we won't have a social life.

We have to wear a condom when we have sex.

That means no pulling out on girls.

Excuse me.

- I'm so sorry. Please.

- No problem.

Is the morning-after pill

legal down there?

All right,

let's take it down a couple of notches.

- There's a...

- It's a Catholic country. Picture this.

I'm dicking some beautiful Brazilian,

getting confident,

I start long-stroking her, boom,

the condom breaks.

- There's a baby.

- Can I just go to the pharmacy and get it

or do I have to drop her off

at some unlicensed doctor

- to handle it holistically?

- I gotta go. I don't know you. Bye.

- I know you.

- No.

I ask the tough questions,

Chester, and so should you.

I don't know you.

You have a very bright future

ahead of you, Chris.

Thank you. I know I do.

Ah. Chris. Dude.

I heard, man.

Let me tell you something.

This shoulder has your name

written all over it.

If you need a good cry, man,

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