Take the Money and Run Page #4

I used to manufacture

escalator shoes,

for people who were nauseous.

I'm sorry, you didn't actually

get my occupation,

but you did win $10

and I want to thank you very much.

Better luck next time.

You are good sport.

Hiding his past from

his fellow employees,

Virgil does well on his first decent job,

in the mailroom.

His past catches up with him however,

as a fellow employee learns

of his criminal record.

What are you doing for dinner,

Mr. Public?

Oh, Miss Blair, I'm having dinner

with my wife. Why?

Where are you having dinner,

Mr. Public?

No, I said I'm having dinner

with my wife.

I found this picture in a magazine.

A word from me and you're

back in prison, O.K.?

What do you feel like eating?

Virgil Starkwell becomes the victim

of a blackmail plot.

Miss Blair confident of her power

makes small demands for money.

These increase as time goes on.

Everything that he owns dear

to him is in jeopardy.

His life and family hang on the whim

of an unstable woman.

He is driven to desperation.

With the responsibility of a wife

and child to protect,

Virgil Starkwell contemplates murder.

What would u like to drink?

Oh, what do you have?

How about some Sherry,

I have some very fine Sherry?

What's the matter?

Did you hurt your hand?

Clumsy!

I'll be right here.

Disguising two sticks

of dynamite as candles,

he sends Miss Blair

an anonymous gift.

The plot fails however,

as he manages to make the dynamite

too think to fit into the candlesticks.

Determined to rid himself

of the blackmailer,

he rents a car and attempts

to run her over.

You know, I think somebody's

trying to kill me.

Oh! Don't be silly.

When I came home

from work last night,

there was a car in my living room

trying to run me over.

- A car? It must be your imagination.

- No.

- Who would try to kill you?

- I don't know. I have no enemy.

- You didn't tell anybody did you?

- No.

You can do the carving.

Virgil!

Can't you wait?

I mean you eat like an animal.

It's delicious, really.

I'll get the salad dressing,

we'll make a toast,

then you start on the turkey leg.

What are you doing in there?

Oh, just creating the proper

atmosphere dear.

I'm a sucker for atmosphere.

- Why don't you carve the turkey.

- Yes, of course my darling.

Someone sent these as a gift.

They were too big to use,

so I shaved them off at the bottom.

With law enforcement

agencies on his trail,

Virgil takes his family

and heads south.

Here they manage to secure

cheap lodging temporarily.

This is really a desperate time

of my life, you know.

I... we had no money.

I tried mugging old ladies but

I get hit in the groin with crutches.

I didn't know what to do.

I tried counterfeiting for a while.

You know, I just got the plates

fouled up and everything.

Once Lincoln came out

smoking a cigarette.

I robbed a butcher shop.

That was the best I could do.

I got away with 116 veal cutlets.

Then I had to go out and rob

a tremendous about of breading.

Their money gone and

with food scarce,

the Starkwells live

like hunted animals.

We weren't very happy then.

Oh no, this was the low point

of my existence.

I was thinking about

getting out of crime

altogether and maybe

becoming a singer or something.

Must have been a very tough

decision for you to make.

Oh, yeah. It was really tough,

but my family was starving

and I'd already filed

for bankruptcy, you know.

I see. What prompted you to go on?

Well, I came up with an idea

for robbery that was so fantastic.

It was so brilliant that when it was over

it was considered the real work of art,

by all the guys in my cellblock.

- They must of looked up to you.

- Well, you know those guys are mugs.

- I, uh, I'm gonna rob a bank.

- Oh no, Virgil, not again!

I think that's our only way out of this mess,

is for me to... There's a dinky bank

in Ross County.

And I think if I can get two

or three good men,

I can get in there and get it.

We can go down to Mexico

or up to Canada and...

- Virgil, what if you got killed?

- No, don't worry.

Nothing to worry about.

I know how to use a gub.

- No, it's gun, Virgil.

- Gun, I'm sorry.

Yes!

Don't turn around.

I want to speak to you about

a business proposition.

It's a bank job.

Couple of guys and myself

are going to

get together and

four weeks from now...

quart of a million dollars.

We walk in and take it like that!

It's an easy job.

Think we just pull up and take it.

How long have you, uh... because

I said part about the bank... the bank.

You guys are dressing alike again.

See, I just broke it myself.

All the boys in the neighborhood

were...

Wasn't his fault,

we just didn't have time for him.

We were working so hard.

Would you like to see

my stamp collection.

What do you mean stamp collection?

I have a stamp collection...

First, he selects an appropriate bank.

Next he cases the bank

by cleverly concealing a camera

in an unsuspected place.

That night, a meeting takes place.

Among the one's chosen

are some of the sinister names

in the underworld.

William Amerz, wanted by the police

for bank robbery,

assault with a deadly weapon,

murder, and getting naked

in front of his in-laws.

Frankie Wolf, wanted by Federal

authorities for dancing with a mailman,

A.D. Armstrong, wanted all over

the country for arson, robbery,

assault with an attempt to kill,

and marrying a horse.

Alright boys. Had to talk about

the Union Fidelity Bank.

June 16th, 10 a.m.

What you are about to see is a film

of the Union Fidelity Bank.

We are going to see it just once.

And to destroy the evidence

we are going to eat the film.

It will be buffet style,

you can just help yourselves.

Take plates of potato salad over there

and my wife made coffee.

This film might just save your lives.

The film was a boring short.

He'd have the gang over for a meeting

and I'd put out a little tray of

pretzels and bullets...

I had to, he's my husband.

We got this film camera,

we have lights, and a truck.

The idea is we pull up

in front of the bank

and we look like

we are making a movie.

We play the actors.

We need somebody to be the director.

Gertch! I got the perfect guy!

An ex-con I did some time with,

by the name of a Fritz.

I will be the director.

I once was a film director,

a many years ago,

before movies had sound.

I worked with Johnny Gilbert and

Antonio Valentino, Lois Garret.

Lois Garret was a baseball player.

I was also that ball...

For the Yankees...

The fools in Hollywood

didn't look up nice geniuses.

But now, I shall wear a new uniform,

like I did, once again.

And you will be my actor.

You shall enter in the back and say,

"Up with your hands, this is a stickup."

Thereby announcing our theme.

- Now say it. Let me hear the lines.

- Up with your hands, this is a stick up.

No! More feeling.

Begin now.

Uh, Fritz, this is a bank robbery

not a movie.

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, forgive me.

I will be fine, when the time comes.

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