Taking Chances Page #3

# Stars seem to line up #

# All in a row #

# Now what's that say

about you and I #

# I get stoned if I remember #

# I want to take a plane

over the sun #

# And I'll never

come home again #

It's called the, uh...

the family that never laughed.

This is very interesting. The first steel

was produced in East Africa in 1400 B. C,

and today there are modern

steel mills in the same sites...

as some of those

original ones in Africa.

Wow.

Yeah.

I never knew that.

Well, now you do.

Yeah.

Our last one here closed, uh,

# Now what's that say

about you and I #

# I get stoned if I remember #

# I want to take a plane

over the sun #

# And I'll never

come home again #

These are the first

hermaphrodite ducks.

# She cries, she lies she

drives me wild but I love her #

# Stars

seem to line up all in a row #

I like your job.

My mom was a history

teacher, so I kind of...

caught the bug,

I guess.

Hmm. I had, um...

I had a really fun day.

Me too.

Can I kiss you

right now?

I can't.

Please.

I can't.

How come?

I just can't.

Uh,

earlier did you say you

had a fun day or date?

So, I think this

"river flows both ways" sh*t...

is just Indianspeak for a

plain, old-fashioned bribe.

They're just tryin' to squeeze

every dime out of this they can.

Well, Stover, pop quiz.

Who invented capitalism?

Not them.

I talked to Edwin today.

For once, it may pay off to

have a retard for a treasurer.

We got 65,000 in state money

to repair the water system.

Now, if we use that

for this,

we'll be able to beat whatever

those Sulfur clowns put up.

Bribe's not so kosher.

I'm with Carlos.

Kosher is kosher.

- And that's not kosher.

- Thank you, Rabbi.

Okay.

Stover,

how much were loan

defaults up last year?

I don't have those numbers.

Oh. Okay. Thank you.

Kitty, how many buckets of extra-crappy

chicken you sell this year compared to last?

Not so many.

Used to be Carlos had three

guys at the barbershop.

Yeah. Now it's just him and

his mom, and she's feeble.

No offense.

- She cuts my hair good.

- Shut up, Stover.

Now look. We either

pay a little bit now,

or we watch this whole town

float down crap river.

If this thing gets out,

we're gonna find ourselves

with a mouth full of balls.

What the "F"

are you talkin' about?

Testes.

No, I got the reference.

I just don't... Forget it.

By which I mean to say that

it would be unpleasant.

Mama.

There was an accident.

Do you need some help?

No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Everyone's fine.

Mama.

It's hot.

It's early.

Who's that?

Just a boy.

I said that once.

# Every day #

# Yeah #

# You always said #

# Don't say #

# I love you #

# You can come find me #

# On an island miles away #

# On an island miles away #

Oh, man. I'm ready for a dip.

I hear that.

Holy sh*t.

Oh, my God.

Pretty crazy, huh, Abby?

Gail.

My name.

It's... It's Gail.

That's... That's what I said.

Oh. I thought you said Abby.

Are you really jumping?

Are you kidding?

Yeah. I'd jump that.

I'd, uh... I'll do it again,

'cause I've done it before,

a ton of times.

- Do it.

- All right, hotshot. I will.

Why don't you settle down for a

second. Let me get my bearings here.

Whoo!

Oh, she is not normal.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Oh.

I'm in love with him.

No, you're not.

Come on, you chicken!

It's awesome!

I'm comin' right down.

Whoo!

Uh-oh. Looks like

someone needs to borrow a pair.

Come on, Chase!

Come on, Chase!

Come on, Chase!

Just be a man... for once!

# You always said #

# Don't say #

# I love you #

I figured out

how to stop the casino.

I wrote a letter to the mayor.

Did I tell you that?

Mm-mmm. You know what you need?

A petition.

Otherwise known as

"Why would you do that?"

A petition.

I did it in school to

get rid of a vice principal.

He was creeping me out.

Oh, yeah. How'd that go? Got expelled.

That's genius.

A... A petition. A petition to

put the casino to a town vote.

Don't you guys get it?

Everybody wants this casino.

Who would vote on that?

I'd sign.

Yeah. I'd sign.

That's-That's one...

Oh, so just... Oh, it's just

you two against the entire town.

No, man. Others would

join. Are you kidding?

There'd be a lot of people. It's called

democracy. That's what democracy is all about.

Dude, it's called "What is

your deal... with this thing?"

Just let it go.

Stupid easy money is still

stupid, even if it's easy.

But, dude, stupid easy money... You make

"stupid easy money" sound like it's a problem,

not a solution.

I'm sorry. You trying

to impress somebody?

Wow. Okay.

Hey. How are your herpes?

Are they under control now?

Douche bag.

Mmm.

There doesn't seem to be as many...

many people here as last year.

Yeah. That's, uh,

stating the obvious.

You think it's 'cause of the downturn

in the local business affairs?

Do... That's

only a newspaper headline.

You haven't been reading

a newspaper, have you?

- What do you mean? - Nothin'. I just,

you know, got worried for a second.

Stop it.

What?

You're being mean.

What are those Indian fellas

doing here in town?

They are, uh,

you know, previously...

oppressed peoples of America, so be

nice to 'em... you and all the girls.

Is something going on?

No.

And don't ask questions.

I made a casserole tonight.

No.

For dinner. No? No. And I

might sleep at the office.

I can bring the casserole...

Just go to bed.

Oh, you got a girlfriend

or something?

Yeah. I do.

Oh, this is weird. Uh, her name

is "official town business."

Sorry. I love you.

Love you too.

Okay. Come here.

Okay.

Bye.

Where'd that come from?

It's amazing how much

happened here.

I mean,

it would blow your mind,

the history that was here...

that is here.

In 1776,

these, uh, American soldiers

coming home for Christmas...

were ambushed by 50 British.

They were severely

outnumbered. Right here.

You see, the Americans got

clobbered, and they surrendered fast,

but, um, it was so cold out,

everyone was freezing...

captor and captive.

So they cut a deal.

The Americans let the British

pretend to hold the entire town.

That way, no one got hurt, and they were able

to get regular supplies from the British army.

And then, when the war was over, they gave

each British guy, like, a little piece of land.

Sneaky.

It was called the Secret

Surrender of Patriotville.

Nice, uh, office.

- Thank you muchly.

- What's your real job?

I'm the mayor.

Oh.

I thought, in towns like this, the mayor

usually has a day job to go along with the...

great honor of the mayorship.

Lawn care.

Lawn care.

Second-most successful

business in town.

In the bureau...

I'm the first man

on the scene, as they say.

My job is to keep things

clean in the beginning,

when things can be

their most... unruly.

Okay, I've seen

all the tricks.

Every single one of them. The Indians have

something the white man wants... again...

and the white man

will do anything to get it.

You're white.

You're observant.

I like that.

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