Taking Chances Page #6

sh*t-for-brains,

hick-town housewives,

and this isn't

a seed store.

It's a casino.

A hundred thousand.

Times 10.

A million? Respect has a price.

That's ours.

Okay.

Can... Can you help me

get back to my car?

You kiddin'

me? One million dollars?

Look. It's worked out.

We found a collateral account

that backs up our school bonds.

Now, it's kinda supposed

to be untouchable. Shh.

But Stove's gonna work a deal

to lend us half a mil using that.

Not gonna be a problem

with that.

Yeah. And for the rest,

we put up the courthouse,

city hall

and the park.

Now, Stover's gonna lend us

another $400,000 off that.

Sure can.

And then with

that water repair money,

we get to six zeros.

Cleve, this is crazy.

We're supposed to pay a million

dollars that the town doesn't have...

to bribe a bunch of Indians

who might build a casino here?

We are the town council.

Our oath is to protect our town.

That's an important moral point.

But there's another point,

and it's even better, see.

It's not that they might build

this casino if we pay this cash.

They have to.

It's called the

"official locating agreement."

And once it's signed,

we got it by law.

Now, I've looked into it.

As long as we don't pay them

anything until it's signed,

there's zero risk.

Couldn't be sweeter.

You've done it, pal.

I hate fairs.

It's so crazy to think that

if you had taken my advice,

how different things would be, and

how much happier you'd be right now.

How about this? How about

just let's sit in silence?

- Well, I told you so.

- That is the farthest thing from helping.

Chief.

What an A-hole.

Dude.

It sucks because

she's so...

She is so. Indeed.

Seduction...

equals survival

for her.

You know, and it's...

it's textbook F.U.F.

F.U. F?

What is that?

F***ed-up Father.

Sh*t.

Right.

Dude, it's vengeful,

slutty behavior with old dudes.

Yeah. You know, it's just...

it's clear that she's just

trying to get back at the old man.

FUFs.

What's sad about it

is that you truly, truly...

believed that

she was falling for you.

It's kind of...

You're kind of an A-hole...

for that.

Damaged goods,

my friend.

Get ya every time.

Don't try to fix that sh*t

either, dude, 'cause it...

it is broken.

Maybe she needs someone

to believe in her.

You know? I mean, isn't that what

happens with those damaged girls?

They don't have anyone...

Oh... No, that's true.

You know, F.U.F.'s are in constant

need of new saviors to crucify.

So, yeah.

You're perfect for that.

Oh! Looks like

someone's early.

Who is that?

Tracy...

Katie...

Sh*t.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, Digger. Who's your

friend? What's her name?

Gorgeous.

In vino veritas.

That's Latin.

"In wine there is truth."

It goes double for whiskey.

Chief, we just have

one condition for this whole thing.

We set the conditions.

Not you.

All we're asking for is a signed location

agreement before any money changes hands.

What you ask

is not easy.

Excuse me.

No agreement, no money.

There's one more

signature we need.

Which is, may I ask?

Mind if I join?

It's funny...

what you can learn when you

just watch things enough.

You know, I've been watching a

lot of things around this town.

A lot of things.

It's crazy what people will do

when they smell money coming.

It's like they lose

all sense of themselves.

All sense of what's right...

and what's wrong.

You wanna know what I learned

when I was watching you?

And you?

Yes.

This deal is as clean

as a dog's balls.

Wait, is that

a good thing?

You have our signature.

Deal's done.

You're gettin' a casino.

Hey!

Hey, we're never gonna die!

You're crazy!

You're crazy!

Throw the children in

the fire!

Yeah!

Patriotville!

Isn't that the guy

from the newspaper?

Yeah, that's him.

That's the one.

- Hey, that's the guy doing

that petition thing, right? - Right, right.

- That's the a**hole.

- He wants us to sign that damn petition...

Yeah, you know what?

Hey, you're gonna need

a car wash.

Come on, Tim.

Piss is gettin' all over me, man.

Why is it always the guy thinks

he's the smartest guy in the town...

who's the one

who's got some sort of...

dad who may or may not

have girl parts?

Looks like he's made

out of hot dog meat...

and works at some junk shop...

that he thinks is

some sort of a...

Timmy, name a museum.

Smithsonian.

Yeah, "Smithonian."

Let me ask you something,

'cause I really want to know.

Do you think

that you'll ever do anything...

anything worth

puttin' in a museum?

- I don't know.

- Yeah? You don't know.

Come on, Timmy.

You know, one day,

with any luck,

you'll be like me.

I kept a blind eye

for years.

I guess I was afraid.

I want you to give this

to that boy.

That ain't

'cause I like you,

'cause I don't.

That's for me.

I'm so sorry...

it has to

be this way.

I'm sorry.

Oh, sh*t.

Come down, you p*ssy!

We're gonna get a casino in here.

We're gonna put it on your battlefield.

Do you think that you will

ever do anything...

anything worth

puttin' in a museum?

How much longer

do you think you're gonna be?

Probably as

long... as long as possible.

Help me find Chase.

Please.

We had a misunderstanding.

I'm worried.

Let me... Let me see what I can do.

I'm kinda in the middle of somethin'.

But, um, could you just, like,

walk around the block?

Please?

Awesome.

Well, there's his car.

Jesus.

Finally.

What's he doin' here?

Dude, you left your lights on. Chase!

Dude!

What are you doin'?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What's he doing up there?

Dude! What are you doin'? Get down!

Chase!

Dude, if he falls off,

you know this is all your fault.

He isn't gonna fall, you

idiot! He's gonna jump.

Well, then say something

to stop him.

Don't jump!

That's it? Really?

That's what you came up with?

I'm not good under pressure.

I'll field this one.

Chase!

What's up, man?

It's Digs.

Hey, dude.

No one's ever jumped from there.

You're not gonna do it.

Only an a**hole...

would do something

that stupid.

- That's how you do it.

- Yeah, exactly.

A total a**hole!

You're exactly right.

Thank you for confirming

my suspicions,

and everybody else's

in this town.

Chase, I'm sorry.

Uh, this isn't about you.

Though it is

a related factor, maybe.

Just walk down

like you always do, man.

I gave everything to this town,

and what did it get me?

Huh?

Please?

Too little too late.

Too much too soon!

Dude...

Come on. You got

nothing to prove by this.

Please, come down!

Come on, man!

Whoa.

Oh, dude.

Dude!

That was amazing!

I mean, you're a lunatic.

I lost my pants.

That was the stupidest thing I've

ever seen anyone do in my life.

I don't even know

if I should go look for 'em.

I hit my head

on a catfish, I think.

'Cause I didn't

remember anything after that.

I'm sorry I never

told you about the mayor.

But I did

come to a decision.

Oh, yeah?

No more married men.

Were...

Were there more?

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