Tall Tale Page #3

lt'd be a sucker's bet at 20 to one!

$100 even money says he whips

that gol' dang contraption!

Even money, Pecos?

You can do better than that!

That thingumajigger

looks like it means business.

We'll see.

- You ready?

- l'm missing my shaker.

- Can't drive steel without one.

- Who'll hold for this man?

And be squashed like a tin can

by his hammer?

There ain't nobody that dim-witted!

Somebody's gotta have the gumption!

You can forget about it!

Widowmaker!

- Pecos!

- Sorry, Dannel.

l gotta protect my investment!

That's a brave boy!

How about a round of applause

for this courageous young lad?

May the Lord have mercy on his soul!

Mister...

l can't do it.

You don't know what you can do

until you try. Come on.

Come on, boy.

Give this drill a shake and a turn

after each time l hit it.

- What if you miss it?

- l never miss.

- Leastwise, l haven't yet. Ready!

- Ready!

Come on!

Four-foot jumper, son.

Make it snappy!

Come on, John Henry!

Paul Bunyan! As l live and breathe!

Live and breathe later!

You got a race to win!

Time to get serious. Come on!

This 20-pound hammer

Shine like silver

Shine like silver

But it ring like gold...

Six-foot jumper, son. Go! Hurry!

Hurry, boy! Hurry!

- l can't do it!

- Come on!

- They're too far ahead!

- Come on!

Come on, son! Come on!

Get up, Dannel! Get up, boy!

The machine wins!

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you

for your time and your money!

- l'm sorry.

- You gave it your best shot.

lf you gave it your best shot,

you ain't got nothing to be sorry for.

Go ahead, Widowmaker, might as well

get your licks in, too!

Looks like the boy's been through here.

Hey! Look at this.

Somebody's finger.

Somebody's trigger finger.

My record was perfect before today.

Now you are forever tarnished

with ignominious defeat.

- Come on, fellas. He's just a kid.

- He's bad news, Bill. ln britches.

He ain't that...

- What is it?

- Sarsaparilla.

- To the Code.

- To the Code.

What do you know about the Code?

Plenty. My pa is always going on

about it.

Knowing about the Code

ain't the same as living by it.

Good enough.

To the Code of the West.

- Code of the North.

- The Code of the South.

Respect the land,

defend the defenceless,

and don't never spit

in front of women and children.

You just stepped over the line, boy!

Well, howdy, friend.

How 'bout me buying you a drink?

Sure. Just as soon as l'm done

skinnin' this marmot.

Holler if you need a hand!

This little saddle sore

ain't worth your time.

- l'll be the judge of that.

- l'd take that drink if l was you.

- So, what are you drinking?

- Whisky.

Jasper, let me have some whisky.

Shucks.

Gentlemen, to Texas!

The nearest thing to heaven

on God's green earth.

You from Texas?

l do have that honour, sir.

l thought l smelled something funny

in here.

Easy. Can't scrap

on an empty stomach, you know that.

Mister, are you insulting

the great state of Texas?

The great state of two-bit tinhorns,

you mean?

Mister, you can insult me

and you can insult my friends.

As a matter of fact, you can even

insult my mother and my horse.

But don't you ever insult

the great state of Texas.

You even hit like a Texan!

All right. Party's over.

Anybody else?

Anybody make a move

and l'll fill 'em full of lead,

or my name ain't Calamity Jane!

Jasper...

..who started this confabulation?

Them two.

Where did that other one get to?

Well, paint my toenails and curl my hair!

Calamity?

My cactus flower!

Don't cactus flower me,

you double-crossing dog!

l missed you, darlin'.

lf only you knew how much!

l know too well,

you flea-infested little weasel!

Calamity, you look

mighty pretty tonight.

Sweet talking me?

You overgrown, mealy-mouthed,

two-faced snivellin' snake!

You gutless, brainless,

heartless sidewinder!

You ain't still sore about Amarillo,

are you?

You had to bring up Amarillo?

What's she got agin you anyway,

Pecos?

l run out on her.

Now, Bill, why would you wanna go

and do something like that?

Calamity's a mighty handsome woman,

Pecos.

Oh, l know.

Well, in her own way.

Buy me a drink, big boy?

Maybe some other time.

What's the matter?

ls it past your bedtime?

The kid ran away faster

than a scared rabbit.

Amen and good riddance.

He bothered me.

Why shouldn't he run? You been agin

that boy since you set eyes on him!

lt's Dannel!

Ox! Baby!

How does it feel to be on the wrong

side of the law?

Fine, as long

as my ma don't find out.

l didn't know you had it in you!

That's my ox!

- What's that noise?

- lt's coming this way.

Faster, you dumb ox!

- Ox!

- Run, Daniel! Run, boy!

Come back, you lily-livered cowards!

Stupid ox! Why ain't he pullin', Paul?

Why did he quit pullin', Paul?

lt's very simple. lf you insulted him,

you have to apologise.

- Paul?

- Mr Pecos Bill.

l ain't apologising to no ox.

Babe, Uncle Pecos thinks you're

the prettiest blue ox he ever did see,

and he is very, very sorry

for any hurtfulness he may have

caused you. Now pull!

Yeah! Go, baby!

- Yeah!

- Timber!

Spread out. lf you find the boy,

head to the ferry.

Oh, dear!

Timber!

Take that, you pissants!

l'm Paul Bunyan!

l'm 300 pounds of raging fury!

You're in trouble now! Don't point

your gun at me, you sissy!

l can out-eat, out-swing

any one of you! l'm Paul Bunyan!

l got him!

Hold on, you little bandit!

Give me that deed!

Nobody's gonna hurt you, son.

Just hand over that deed.

- You shot Pa!

- Son, your pa's a fool.

He's stuck in the past and

he wants you stuck there with him.

That ain't what you want, is it?

You don't wanna waste your life

behind a plough!

You want more than that!

You hate that farm.

lt ain't nothing but a dried-up,

miserable piece of ground! Now...

Give me that deed!

Son, you're trying my patience!

Give me that deed

like a good little boy!

Kid, trouble seems to follow you

like a bird dog.

Lucky for me l got my friends!

We ain't that good friends.

Get your carcass off me!

- Move it!

- You can't get away from me!

Get 'em!

Come on, boys!

Come on! Come on, Pecos!

Come on! Hurry up!

Timber!

This ain't over, kid!

Not by a long shot.

Thinking about your pa?

l used to bait a line with my daddy

when l was a young 'un.

Never caught much,

but that was never the point.

Seems like fishin's the only time

me and Pa actually get along.

You two lock horns, huh?

As far as Pa's concerned,

- l can't do nothing right.

- My daddy was the same way.

Always telling me what to do like

l didn't have no mind of my own.

Exactly.

Although l know l should have

finished the ploughing.

l now see he only bothered on

account of how much he cared for me.

Daddy was just doing the best

he knew how.

That's why it grieves me

l never got the gumption

to tell him how l felt about him.

Why not?

Daddy got sold down river.

Sold?

We was slaves.

lt's too late for me.

Let's hope it's not too late for you.

First a blasted ox, now a jackass!

Might as well be riding turtles!

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