Tammy

Josie's on a vacation far away

Come around and talk it over

So many things that I wanna say

You know I like my girls a little bit older

I just wanna use your love tonight

Ooh!

Unh,unh.

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Unh.

I ain't got many friends left to talk to

Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble

You know I'd do anything for you

Stay the night but keep it undercover

I just wanna use your love tonight

Oh, yeah

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Sh*t.

What the hell?

Oh, man. Not another one.

I shouldn't have been looking

for my ChapStick, buddy.

You're just stunned, I think.

Yeah. I mean, you got the wind

knocked out of you.

I did that on a jungle gym.

Had the wind knocked out of me too.

I'll give you a couple seconds.

You'll be fine.

Yeah.

Come on.

Maybe you just need a little...

You want mouth-to-mouth, man?

Maybe that'll help.

I just- I don't want you to bite my mouth.

There you go. That's helping.

Okay, come on. Let's walk it off, man.

Get up on all fours. You can-

Attaboy! Run!

Look at you go! There you go!

Got a good gait.

Got a good gait. Yes!

Your love-

Where are my chicken sandwiches,

Larry? Come on, let's go.

Somebody get these. Oh, my God.

Tammy, get over here.

You're late again.

Do you own a watch much?

I know I'm late.

A deer jumped out of nowhere.

You look like crud. Oh, my God.

Get off the floor.

Tammy, my office. Now.

I'm coming, Keith. God.

Tammy, do you know

how I got to where I am?

Sucking dick and kissing ass?

Excuse me, Keith.

We need some more ketchup.

Okay. English, though, Javier.

This is America.

- It was English.

- That wasn't English.

- Is that blood?

Yeah.

A deer hit my car on the way in.

- You should maybe see a doctor.

- No kidding.

Okay, thanks, Javier.

That's great advice. See you later.

Tammy, I'm terminating your employment

at Topperjack's.

You've gotta be shitting me.

No, I'm terminating your employment.

I need your badge.

What ba-? You mean my name tag?

- Yes, exactly. I need your badge back.

It's not a badge.

It's a name tag, and you made me

buy it with my own money.

That's company policy. I need it back.

Well, I need you to stop sweating through

your shirts and grossing everybody out.

It is hot. And when it's hot, people sweat.

- Not like that. Not like that.

It's how it is.

- That sh*t's medical.

Listen!

Tammy, you have already been fired.

I have already terminated your employment.

You are at least 40 seconds fired...

...so please exit the Topperjack's.

Fine. You know what?

I'm gonna give you this.

- Tammy.

I got it here.

It's your middle finger.

- No.

Poem.

Read between the lines.

I knew that you were gonna do it,

so it's not as good.

- I get it, Tammy.

- Poom. You get that?

What is that?

- A little version of this.

Hey, don't let a deer hit you on the way out.

You dick. You know what?

Don't let these ketchup packets

get stuck in your gross armpits.

- You'll have to buy new shirts, you dick.

- Those are Topperjack's supplies.

You are no longer an employee

of Topperjack's.

- Oh.

- Yeah, that sh*t's contaminated now!

For overtime due, Keith. Overtime due.

- Tammy, just get out.

- Enjoy the special sauce.

Do not touch the Tower Deluxe burgers.

Those buns are still good.

Just change the hats.

Yeah.

- Yeah, that's what I thought.

- I'm calling the police!

Uh, just thought you should know

that the meat here is real shitty.

- Oh, God.

- Real, real, real shitty.

- That's the truth.

- That's not true.

That's not chicken.

I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.

It's 110 percent chicken.

Bird doesn't come out of squeezy tubes.

My gut fear, it's mostly dick and beak.

- She's disgruntled.

- You know what?

Oh.

Aah, my elbow!

Poom.

Later, loser.

Oh, are you-?

Sh*t.

You kidding me?

Aw, man.

Sh*t.

A little help? A little help?

A little help! Come on!

Yeah, karma.

Yeah, we'll see.

God. Hey, Greg. I'm home.

Think your ringer's off. I've been calling you.

That a**hole Keith fired me.

Can you believe that sh*t?

Like, who would wanna work there?

How much I feel

Feel for you, baby

What's going on here?

Hey, Tammy.

Wow, you're home so early.

- I'm sorry you got fired.

Shut up, Missi.

Why are you in my house

making my husband dinner?

Uh, actually, I made her dinner.

You're gonna get your ass kicked.

You hungry?

You wanna eat my fist for din-?

OW! Sh*t.

I am so sorry, Tammy. You startled me.

Keep your dirty fingers out of my mouth.

You scratched my tongue.

I'm leaving you, Greg.

I'm taking the household money

and getting out of here.

God! Nice, Greg!

You have to cheat with the neighbor?

You can forget about me

feeding your stupid cats, Missi.

- I'm divorcing you, and I'm suing you, b*tch.

- For what?

For being an a**hole.

That's what I'm suing you for.

Why is there only $63 in here, Greg?

Whatever. I'm keeping all of it.

- Ow! Sh*t.

- Are you okay?

I'm fine!

I feel great. Pervs.

A**holes.

You two deserve each other.

Sh*t.

Goddamn it.

Just don't touch anything.

And don't let her touch my underwear.

You know, you never made me dinner.

Not even once.

And it smells really good too.

Yeah, I'll see you in court!

I hope you both choke on your shitty dinner!

A**holes.

Missi Jenkins is a whore!

And I kicked her ass!

Kicked her stupid ass.

Don't call me, Greg, when she dumps you!

Because I won't call you back!

No f***ing way!

I'm gonna be too busy

f***ing models and sh*t!

MQfn!

MQfn!

TAMMY:

Mom, open the door!

Greg's cheating on me, Mom.

- What?

- Yeah, I know.

What a jerk, right?

What happened?

I went home after a shitty day,

and Greg and Missi Jenkins...

...are having, like, a really romantic dinner

at our dining room table.

And Greg made it.

Okay, then I'm sorry. That's terrible.

I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself.

I just need to borrow your car.

Why? Where's yours?

Mine is smoking on Highway 13

because a deerjumped out in front of me.

Can I just have your car

so I can get out of this shitty town?

I will drive you to work.

I'm not giving you my car.

I don't need you to drive me to work, okay?

Keith fired me.

Little prick.

- Are we really gonna do this again, Tammy?

- What?

Every time something bad happens,

you throw a fit...

...say you're leaving, you never get more

than 10 miles outside of town...

...you start feeling sorry for yourself,

and you come back and throw another fit.

- That's not true.

- It's a pattern.

It's not a pattern.

- It is.

- That's not even what a pattern is.

A pattern is a thing

that comes in pairs of two.

You just don't know science.

A pattern is a series of things or events...

...that repeat themselves on and on,

sometimes into infinity.

That's what a galaxy is. It's not a pattern.

- Fine.

- God.

If you don't wanna help me,

just give me the keys to Dad's truck.

- No. Absolutely not.

- Fine. Then I'm gonna take Grandma's car.

- No, you're not. She is old and not well.

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