Tammy Page #2

- Then she doesn't need a car.

Right? You answer that.

- Don't go. Tammy.

- Grandma, I need your car keys.

Yep, I heard everything,

and I am ready to go.

I'm taking your car. I'm not taking you.

- You're not getting my car unless you take me.

No.

- Oh, yeah. What?

Mom.

- What, you packed a bag?

Yeah.

Wait a minute. No one is going anywhere.

I am. I'm just not taking

this a**hole with me.

Hey. You're not exactly my first choice

for a traveling companion either...

...but you're the best bet I have

to get out of this stupid house.

I'm sorry, Deborah, but it is a stupid house.

And I hate it.

I love you, but I am not gonna die

in this house alone.

You're not gonna die here alone.

You're gonna die here with me and Don.

- That's a shitty thing to say.

- That's a very shitty thing to say.

I meant it in a good way.

- What's a good way?

Oh, my God.

Never mind.

- Shitty.

- Very shitty.

Your doctor says you have to take it easy.

Dr. Lansing is an imbecile.

Do we have a deal?

No offense, but no f***ing way.

I have $6700 in cash.

Bullshit. Prove it.

Yeah. That's gonna do it.

Mom. Tammy.

- You snooze, you lose.

This is ridiculous.

Don't call me at 2 a.m. looking for a ride.

- Yeah, I won't.

- Mom. Please tell me you have your pills.

- Oh, Deborah, unclutch.

- Goddamn it. I'm gonna call Brookview.

- I swear to God.

- You do what you need to, baby.

Bye, Mom.

Not a good idea.

It's a little swollen. It's okay.

What's Brookview?

It's an old folks' home.

Like a prison for old people.

Horrible place.

I don't know where I'm going.

I've always wanted to go to Niagara Falls.

Okay.

That was a stop sign.

Yeah, I'm aware of that. I know that.

All right, do you think we could just

try to be pleasant? What do you say?

- How about a beer?

- No.

- Um, whiskey.

- Jesus,no.

Oh, my God.

You're pregnant.

I'm driving a car, Grandma.

Do you see what I'm doing?

Just because you can't see

through your Magoo goggles...

...doesn't mean

I'm not doing what I'm doing.

All right. I'm sorry. Sorry.

God.

You know what? Screw it. Give me a beer.

Oh. Yes. Okay, here you go.

One little beer can't hurt, right?

- Lock the door.

- Spin it, spin it, spin it.

I got it.

Hello, cows.

- Ha-ha-ha.

I'm sorry you're so tasty, cows.

I'm gonna f*** you up

between two sesame buns.

Whoa! That's a bump. Aah!

RAUGHS]

I stuck the landing!

RAUGHS]

You wanna go ride a cow?

Oh, sh*t.

- Where the hell are we?

- Shh, shh, shh. Come here.

When I was a young girl,

I used to feed deer...

...right out of my hand at my grandparents'

cabin. And there was this one deer-

Hyah! Hyah! Get out of here! Get out of here.

You never did appreciate nature.

Not when it totals my Corolla.

No. Thank you.

How the hell did we even get in here?

Oh, my God.

- You know what?

- What?

I think this is some X-Files sh*t.

- For sure.

- I don't know.

You know what?

If we die out here, we're just raccoon food.

- Ha, ha.

- It's not funny. I saw that on a show.

- Let's go. Get in the car. We're going home.

- Home?

- Yeah. Home.

- What?

You're always talking about how much

you wanna get out of that town...

...and we finally are out of it.

And then one little thing happens,

and you just wanna just run on back?

Come on. Let's go.

Fine.

I'm not surprised. You always were a quitter.

- I'm not a quitter.

- Yes, you are.

Yeah? Really? Does a quitter do this?

- Aah! God, I got it stuck.

- It's all right. Go ahead. Push.

- That's it. Little bit more.

- It's crushing it.

- That's okay. Crush it. You got it.

- I am not a quitter!

- You're a doer.

- I am a doer.

That's it. That's it.

You got it. You got it.

- Do it. Do it. There you go.

- Aah!

I am not a quitter!

Oh, Sh*t.

- Aah!

Who's a quitter now?

Aah!

Whoa.

Oh.

Sorry about that!

You should wear a helmet. FYI.

Whoa.

- Oh, God.

- "Mark Twan National Forest."

- Where are we?

We're in Missouri.

We went in the wrong direction.

And you do know who Mark Twain is, right?

I know who he is.

Good gUY-

He's a good guy.

Okay, Tammy.

- Tammy, listen up.

- What?

Well, you're at a crossroads, right?

You could change the trajectory

of your whole life.

You've got time. I've got money.

You don't wanna go back to that town.

You deserve to have a little fun.

Right?

There's no alcohol on the dock.

It's my juice.

One hand!

- Well, that's not safe.

- No.

I am ripping sh*t up!

Yeah!

Enjoy my spray!

Because I'm spraying you!

Slow down!

Look at that. She is so brave.

Coming in hot!

I am coming in smoking hot!

Smoking hot!

Might be too hot!

Throttle's jammed! Too hot!

Oh, my God. Tammy? Tammy!

Tammy! Oh, my God.

You scared the sh*t out of me.

I can't believe this.

Aw, sh*t. I lost my glasses. Sh*t.

Are you kidding?

Forty-eight hundred dollars?

Is that your scam? Huh?

You like taking money from little old ladies?

You break it, you buy it.

You're lucky I don't call the police.

That machine malfunctioned on me.

You're gonna be hearing from my lawyer.

All right, just stop it, Tammy.

Here you go, $4800.

Don't give him cash. Put it on your card

and dispute it later. I do it all the time.

I don't believe in credit cards. Cash is real.

You should be charging sh*t like crazy,

because you're old.

- By the time they come to get it, you might not...

Go in the car.

- ...still be here. You could be dead.

- Get in the car.

- I'm trying to help you with your business.

- Get in the car.

- Hey.

Dick.

She's an idiot.

Muscle shirts are for muscles.

I said I'm sorry about the 4 grand.

Four thousand 800 bucks.

"Four thousand 800 bucks."

Pay you back.

There we go.

How much you put in?

Thirty bucks of gas,

and we won $10.

Ooh, halfsies.

Hey, hang on, I wanna clean out

the junk in this...

On the floor. Wait a minute.

There's garbage all over the floor.

You're taking your old-people pills

and stuff, right?

Yeah. I don't need them,

but, um, I'm taking them.

Wait a minute,

let me get up all this junk.

We should frame this.

Okay, come on, get in.

I have to pee.

Why didn't you go at the gas station?

- I'm gonna pull over. You can go in the woods.

Oh, no. No way.

So why do you wanna go

to Niagara Falls, anyway?

Well, I was supposed to go with my daddy.

He was gonna take me

when I was about 8 or 9.

But he got too busy working.

And then he got too busy

getting sick and dying.

- So I never did get to see it.

- Oh.

And now...

...some 60-odd years later...

...I'm gonna get to see Niagara Falls with you,

with my granddaughter.

Don't you think that's pretty special?

I think so.

Are you sitting on a couch or a toilet?

Because this is like a therapy session.

Hey! Come here!

Yeah?

Look at this thing.

- Do you believe that?

- No.

Right?

Right.

It's amazing. America, huh?

- Really, yeah.

- Yeah.

It says he carved it with a chainsaw.

- Do you believe that?

- I do.

I can't believe that's possible.

You do that with a chainsaw...

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