Tango & Cash Page #5

TANGO:
What are you doing?

CASH:
Nice to see you too.

You almost nailed your captain.

At least I saw him!

What were you doing in there?

I was getting ready to make my move.

- Your girlfriend?

- My sister!

My what?

My sister.

That's great! I don't mean that.

I know it looks bad.

I never deliberately

punched out anyone in my life.

But I'll hammer you into the lawn.

CATHERINE:

Don't you know how to use a doorbell?

Just stick out your finger and push.

Isn't this 125 Orange Grove Street?

It's my place.

I have some rights in my own place!

It's my roof, my house,

and I let you dwell here.

I pay rent!

TANGO:
It's late.

CATHERINE:
Check your mail!

In Tango's defense,

he has been in prison.

Excuse me, my pantyhose

are riding into the unknown.

TANGO:

Way up in the unknown.

Tell me one thing, seriously.

What were you doing on the couch

with Queen-for-a-Day?

None of your business.

Catherine...

She got the brains and the looks.

How do you figure it?

I don't.

- Smoke?

- No.

All right, that's it!

Are you running us in?

No, but I can only keep the department

off your backs for 24 hours.

The feds are on the case!

Slip into something a little more butch.

Get rid of Daffy Duck

and clear your names.

Already started.

What's that?

This tape will clear our names.

Compliments of the forger.

TANGO:

Skinner?

Yeah. So what have you got?

A quarter to four.

Start here.

We ID'd that creep from the warehouse.

Ponytail?

His name's Requin.

Look him up.

The address is right there.

You got 24 hours to find the guy

who set you up.

CASH:
When's the clock start?

SCHROEDER:
5 minutes ago.

Catherine...

Honestly...

...what did you do

with the Elephant Man?

Please.

Come in the house. Change clothes.

TANGO:

You'll make a very ugly bride someday.

CASH:

Are you proposing?

CATHERINE:
Blue one's nice.

TANGO:
Blue it is!

Sorry about my behavior tonight.

I want you to be okay.

I'm okay.

I can't believe it.

How did you get out of prison?

Cash had a friend on the inside.

Sorry, I had nowhere to go but here.

Where else are you supposed to go?

TANGO:
The North Pole?

CATHERINE:
Seriously, what'll you do?

Maybe you should turn yourself in.

Talk to the press.

TANGO:
How's the career at the club?

CATHERINE:
That's great!

You're being hunted

and you worry about my dancing?

I'm not worried.

If you need a little extra cash,

I can buy you a bond or something.

It's seven and a quarter yield.

Big money.

You help too much.

No, I don't.

I work so much,

I don't get a chance to see you.

CATHERINE:

Don't feel guilty.

I love you.

Put her there.

TANGO:

Push 'em back, way back!

I've got to go.

I can't put you in jeopardy.

What?

I have filth and scum to deal with.

I'm here!

See?

Let's go.

See you.

CASH:
Mind if I talk to her?

TANGO:
No.

I want to say I had a wonderful time...

...until Captain Fantastic leaped in

and smashed through your door.

When this is straightened out,

could we get together again?

Yeah, that would be nice.

We could go to the ballpark...

Can I talk to you?

I don't think my sister is your type.

Easy, mate.

Come on.

REQUIN:
I expected you.

Ponytails are out this season.

How are you, Cash?

Getting better by the second.

- Party on the roof.

- Can I invite Mr. Potato Head?

Wouldn't be a party without him!

CASH:

Plan A.

TANGO:

Fun party!

Thanks. Requin, it's a hell of a view!

Who pulls your strings?!

Piss off! Bollocks to plan A!

I like this.

The view's great up here!

What'd he say?

Plan A's a loser.

Hold on. Give me a name, death breath,

or you'll end up in a baggie!

Up yours, a**hole!

You ain't worth a toss.

Drop me.

REQUIN:

Do it!

Plan A's a loser.

Bigtime! Go to plan B.

You got one?

Hiroshima. Ring a bell?

Can we talk?

Not now, I'm busy.

Isn't this a little radical?

What?

Blowing a man's head off

with a hand grenade is a touch much.

You got your way, I got mine.

I'm glad you don't want to talk.

He'll talk if I shoot him in the leg.

I want all of him!

Maybe he doesn't know anything.

- I don't care!

- What?

You're a cop!

I was a cop! But we're on the run

because of this dirtbag!

It's payback!

That's enough!

I heard about you.

You're a Section 8.

I didn't believe that weird bullshit...

...but you're for real!

If you don't want to get sticky,

get back...

...Jack.

You got it, sicko.

You blew it, pal. He's out of control

and I can't stop him.

I'm not going down for this.

I'm gone!

So long!

You got my vote for

Psycho Hall of Fame, a**hole!

You really do look like sh*t

in a ponytail.

TANGO:

No. I'm sorry.

Bye-bye, birdy. Bye, baby!

TANGO:

I don't want to hear it.

Perret! You want Yves Perret!

CASH:

Who's he?

The bloke with me in prison.

TANGO:
Where's he now?

REQUIN:
The desert. Ryko Airfield.

Think it's true?

It's not raining and he's in a puddle.

TANGO:

Disgusting.

You fell for the oldest routine

in the book. Bad cop...

Worse cop!

You sleep with my sister?

Unbelievable!

Did you two bump uglies?

I was so drunk, I don't remember.

Come on, worse cop, we're late.

My contribution to birth control.

REQUIN:

Bloody hell!

Bloody dud.

TANGO:
What about my sister?

CASH:
It's a free country.

TANGO:
Meaning?

CASH:
Everyone is free.

CASH:

And your sister is very free.

TANGO:

I'll kill you.

Oh, my God!

OWEN:

Double-armored, bulletproof glazing.

Transfer case has torque splitting.

It'll see 60 in 51/2 seconds

and pull high-tens in the quarter.

What is that?

That is an RV from hell.

Care to join me?

CASH:
So?

TANGO:
I'm impressed.

CASH:
Very impressed?

TANGO:
Very.

Does he have gray matter, or what?

Owen, gone! Home run!

This will go through a brick wall.

CASH:
We are in business.

TANGO:
That we are.

Do you know the firepower

we've got here?

This is a violent work of art!

TANGO:

Who holds the pink slip? Satan?

Take a look inside.

Didn't he invent your bazooka boots?

Owen has milliseconds of genius.

What's this?

Ultra-booster. It's nitrous oxide.

Meaning?

Who cares? We'll take it.

No, you can't

It's one of a kind, a prototype.

Trust us. We won't even scratch it.

We're fully insured.

Fully?

Run Perret through the computer.

Okay. I'll see what I can dig up.

- Cash?

- Yeah?

Is Owen family?

Maybe.

(OWEN OVER RADIO) Ryko Airfield was

abandoned 10 years ago.

It's in private hands now.

There's construction...

... but the main building

is a mile from the perimeter.

CASH:

Thanks, Owen.

Looks quiet.

This is insane.

Very insane.

Things are about to get bloody.

They could.

If one of us doesn't make it,

I want you to know that...

...you're the best cop I've worked with.

I want you to know something, Ray.

If you don't make it back and I do...

...I will date your sister.

I got nothing against you.

I don't want Catherine to get

that 2 a.m. Phone call...

...saying something's happened to you.

I don't want her to live like that.

Nothing will happen to me.

I'm charmed.

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