Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Mom?

Susie never showed up. I did a double.

I'm so tired.

Finished.

You did? Oh!

That's great. Very well done.

So? You find out about it today?

just the rankings. Don't find out

about the scholarship till after finals.

How about the grant? Declined.

Same as the loans.

Dad uses me as a deduction.

Bastard. Yeah, but I still have a good

shot at valedictorian.

I mean, I could still get the scholarship.

And you will.

I've got complete faith in you.

Well, I gotta go. If I just

get through this week, I'll be fine.

Come here. I have to go.

I need a hug. I need one. Come on.

You're going to get to college.

I mean, look at this. This is brilliant.

My little girl the writer.

You're gonna make it.

You're gonna get out of here.

I just know it. You didn't do so bad.

Yeah.

But you're gonna go all the way.

So, you really think this is an A?

You're the A.

That teacher of yours isn't

gonna know what hit her.

Coach! Hey, Coach!

Wake up, will you?

That Trudie Tucker has

no business driving a Mercedes.

Listen, I need your senior prophecy

for the last issue. The deadline's tomorrow.

I don't know what to say. I hate that senior sh*t.

Just think of where you'll be in 20 years.

You're the writer, do it for me.

Okay, uh, how about, Miss Jo Lynn

Jordan, famous film Star, last seen

In rehab popping Percodan,

divorced from gay husband.

Perfect.

What does yours say? I haven't done mine yet.

Allow me. Leigh Ann Watson,

famous journalist,

wins the Pulitzer Prize for her

personal yet searing account...

of being a 38 year old virgin.

Watch it. Simple reminder.

Go, Man, go!

Hiya, Trudie. What you got there?

It's the Bastille. As in

the storming of the Bastille,

as in the French Revolution.

It's cute. I think we can do better than cute.

Don't you think so, Leigh Ann?

Good job. Very well done.

Good morning.

Oh, my God, there he is. Oh, he is such a

Canker.

With a wrought iron ass!

Dare me. What?

just say it. Dare me.

Okay, I dare you. Thank you!

Sorry about that. Hey, Jo Lynn, it's okay.

No, really, I should not be

in public with my feet. I'm sorry.

Hey, Leigh Ann, how's it going? She's good.

I'm the one who's kind of out of it.

Oh, yeah? What's wrong?

I just think a little bit of pity is in order,

since I have had this stirring

and passionate secret love for you...

since actually the third grade, and, um

But I feel much better now. Thanks. Yeah.

I cannot believe you just did that.

I can't either. Oh, my God!

You've gotta chill on the hair products.

The fumes are going straight up your nose.

It was this little voice inside of me

that just said, Do it!

That's why it's a little voice, Jo Lynn.

You're not supposed to listen to it.

No, Leigh Ann. You've gotta listen.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, man.

There she is.

Excuse me.

Get out of the way!

Hey, man.

U h Good day, Coach. Mr. Potter?

May I have a moment? Morning,

Mrs. Tingle. How are you?

Fine, thank you. Mrs. Tingle.

Will you excuse us, Coach

Wenchell? Of course.

How can I help you

this morning, Mrs. Tingle?

Summer school starts in three weeks.

Did you receive my request...

regarding those necessary

research materials?

Yes, I wanted to talk to you about that.

It appears to be a matter of budget.

I was thinking

No, no, don't do that, Mr. Potter.

We so prefer...

that whistling wind effect you have on us.

Now, I requested those materials some time ago.

We don't have the money. Mr. Potter,

I'm sure if you take another look

at that nasty budget...

ingenuity will abound.

So, thank you in advance.

Oh, by the way, happy birthday.

It's not my birthday, Mrs. Tingle.

No, not your natal birthday. The A.A. one.

You've been sober How long is it now?

Four years. There. I knew it was this week.

Me and dates.

You know, that's the curse

of being a history teacher.

Well, congratulations.

That's quite an accomplishment.

just think, not one sip of alcohol

in over four years.

That's almost... unbelievable.

Are you okay, Mr. Potter?

Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired.

Oh. Late night?

I loved President Kennedy,

but despite my feelings for Jack,

he was, after all, a married Man,

so our affair remained secret.

But it endured. And it wasn't just about sex.

We helped each other.

John often turned to me for advice.

I encouraged him to pull out of Berlin,

advised him on the Cuban missile crisis,

and even encouraged him to sign

that silly old nuclear peace treaty.

So, in conclusion, I ask you...

to ask not what your mistress can do for you,

but what your mistress

can do for your country.

Thank you, Miss Jordan,

for that nauseating distortion

of American History.

I was merely trying to point out...

that our political leaders' indiscretions

have had a major impact on history.

And you chose to do it without

one shred of factual evidence,

leaving your project's merit

to be judged solely on a rather

tepid impersonation,

completely out of your very

limited range as an actress.

Now, take your seat.

Mr. Berry?

I, uh I I've been thinking about

getting into law enforcement...

after graduation, so I

thought for my project...

I'd create a medieval crossbow.

it's not loaded. This was a very popular means...

of protection during the early

during the early 15th century.

By placing a bolt in the chamber,

uh, the bowing of the wood

creates a pressure

Cool.

Don't tease us, Mr. Barry.

When you shoot, make it count.

It wasn't I mean, I didn't think that

No, because that world require a

cerebrum and a few other missing parts.

What you did was bring a weapon to school.

What you did is punishable

in a Court of law.

Now, sit down before I have you arrested.

Mr. Churner, dare I even ask?

Plymouth Rock.

Your work, Mr. Churner, is

very reminiscent of a young Man...

who sat in that same chair some 20 years ago.

He too had the words no future

printed on his forehead.

Give your father my best.

Miss Watson? Dazzle us, will you?

Well, I've created a 1 7th century journal.

One year in the life

Of an accused Salem witch.

Documenting actual events,

it contains 365 entries,

all written with quill and ink,

bound by leather and twine

and aged for authenticity.

it chronicles a young girl's

false imprisonment and unfair trial.

it took about six months

October 1 0, 1 692.

Another girl was burned at the stake today.

I fear William Griggs will point to me next.

I fear my future will be

nothing more than smoldering ashes.

if this be true, I pray the wind...

will carry my ashes far from Gallows Hull...

to a place that allows me to sing and dance...

in the open air.

Oh, how very moving.

I tried not to get too carried away with the prose.

it's completely factual.

She was ultimately burned at the stake.

It's documented.

Always a victim,

aren't we, Miss Watson?

Well, there are similarities between

society today and 1 7th century Salem.

I guess that would be the irony of it all.

I'm well aware of what Irony is, Miss Watson.

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