Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor Page #2

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but you never know. People talk.

Yeah.

Matchmaking. I don't know

how I feel about all this.

I'm sorry?

Well, it's a dating service for the rich.

I just... I'm not sure this is something

I should be investing in.

You know, it's kinda strange.

Yeah.

So you agree with that?

A little bit. Yeah.

So I shouldn't invest?

I'm not saying that.

I would never say that.

Like you said, it's a little strange.

A little odd. Little unnatural.

Bunch of old guys paying to meet women.

I'm gonna shut up. I'm saying too much.

No, no, honestly, continue, please.

I kind of prefer the old-fashioned way

of finding love, but...

Well, I completely agree. I do.

But, let me play devil's advocate.

So, more than half of all new relationships

are started online in this day and age.

- Yeah.

- Right.

So it's obvious, she definitely...

She has something going here.

I'm just not sure exactly how I fit into it.

That's why I'm here.

To help you figure that out.

I think we can start with the Wise Counsel

questionnaire that I developed.

And pretty much we use it to see

whether or not someones compatible.

Do I know you from somewhere?

I doubt we run in the same circles.

Do you run?

Yeah, every day at...

Landover Park. I knew it.

You run there?

8:
00 a.m. every Saturday.

Start at the wheelhouse...

I think I have seen you run past me before.

You're that cheesy guy always running

with his shirt off and making grunts.

- I'm not cheesy.

- Yeah, you are.

I get hot.

No, you're running with your shirt off

so all the pretty girls could notice you.

Well, you noticed me, right?

Turn to page two.

You'll see the compatibility questionnaire.

All business.

I wanted to start with that.

I like that.

Hey, you.

How was your third week? Any better?

Oh, God.

That bad, huh'?

Honey, what am I doing there?

I have a master's degree.

Why am I wasting my time in some snobby

office helping old men get a date?

Is that what I busted my butt in college

and graduated early for?

Like, it don't make sense.

Babe, it'll get there.

But, baby, I really feel like I'm getting stuck.

You know what I had to do today?

I just spent three hours with some cheesy

computer guy named Harley something.

The Class-Meet guy?

Was he looking for a date?

No. Does everyone know

about this guy except for me?

Baby, you should. He's loaded.

Wow. You sound like Ava.

Man. I have to get outta there

and start my own practice.

Babe, that's a long ways off.

I figure in about 10 to 15 years

we'll be established enough

to take that chance.

But right now you don't need

to be thinking about that.

10 to 15 years?

Great, that's encouraging. Thanks, baby.

And my mother called me today.

And she's coming into town

for some revival or something.

Which is just what I need.

The stress of this job

and the judgment of my mother.

You know she's gonna be

bothering me about you, asking me,

"Judith Ann, have you been

doing your wifely duties?"

Yes, Mother, I have been cooking for him,

I have been cleaning,

and I have been having sex with him

three times a week,

just like it says in the Bible.

It says three times a week, baby?

Then you've been slacking.

Shut up. I'm kidding.

I'm not. And...

You know that little thing you do

on birthdays and holidays?

I wonder what your mother

would say about that.

My mother doesn't know

about that little trick

I give you on birthdays and holidays.

And if she did, you wouldn't get it anymore.

I'm gonna get up.

I'm gonna go make you some dinner.

No. You know what I'm gonna do for you?

I'm gonna take you out to dinner.

That $1.99 buffet again, baby?

Made my stomach hurt.

No, I'm gonna take you

somewhere nice and fancy.

- Really?

- Yeah, come on, let's go.

Okay, I'm gonna go put my shoes back on.

I'm gonna take you to the $5.99 buffet.

All right, you!

All right.

- I did.

- Good.

And maybe next time we go,

the lady next to us...

I was watching

and she had the artichoke dip.

- I wanna order that next time.

- I saw it.

- It did look good.

- With the chips.

With the different color chips.

That looked so good.

- Now that.

- With the enchiladas, too.

That's a fine ass b*tch right there.

- Was he talking to me?

- Babe, keep walking.

I know you ain't talkin' to me.

- Show some respect. Kick your ass to hell.

- Baby, come on!

- You know what? You need to be in church!

- Damn it, get in the car, Judith!

Pick up the Bible

since you ain't got no good tact!

- Judith, get in the car.

- Your mama shoulda taught...

Why would you let these

a**holes ruin our night?

Ain't got no kind of manners.

What the hell they talkin' to me like that for?

This is crazy.

Thinking I'm just some

regular b*tch on the street.

Enough, Judith.

- Think they can talk to me like that?

- Enough! Let it go.

I showed 'em!

Just let it go. it doesn't matter.

Their mama shoulda taught them better.

She shoulda had them in school.

- Judith. Judith!

- Not hanging on the street.

Common whore!

- You stupid joker!

- Judith!

Baby, you been really quiet since dinner.

Did I miss something?

You didn't hear that guy?

Babe, I knew that was it.

Yes, I heard him.

Some things you just gotta ignore.

Why can't I ignore the fact

that I didn't feel safe?

Babe, those guys coulda had guns.

We did the right thing.

I just don't like the way I feel.

Baby, I will always protect you.

I'd die for you.

I just wanna go to sleep.

I'm sorry.

I'm with you. If you say "go," I go.

You! Stop it.

- No, I'm being serious.

- You are the worst.

No, come on.

Judith, Harley and I have been going over

the questionnaire you came up with

and he has some questions for you.

You will be putting in some late hours

trying to help him.

You don't mind, do you, mon cheri?

All right.

I will be in my office, darling.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

So you have some questions?

Yes. Yes.

Now, this is actually really good.

Thank you.

I need to formulate a program

that's gonna tell me

what kinda person we're dealing with

just based on your questions.

That's a program I'd like to see.

Well, good, because I need you

to help me build it.

I'm not a programmer.

Well, that's fine.

I just need your expertise on humans.

All of these questions here.

Now, they tell you a little something

about the prospective client, right?

Yes. As well as the people they will attract.

Okay, great.

What I don't understand is

why are there so many questions here

about past relationships.

Because you learn a lot about someone

from their prior relationships.

You learn patterns. You learn behaviors.

You learn whether or not

they play the victim role.

Do they take full responsibility

for their role in the breakup?

All that from one little sheet of paper?

Yes.

"Hmm" what?

I've never wanted to know

the past of any woman I was ever dating.

Maybe that's why you're single.

Okay.

Last night, I went ahead

and filled out one of these.

Maybe you can tell me

a little something about myself.

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