Ten Tiny Love Stories Page #6

These things and many more,

he learned from me.

Let him forget them

with another woman,

but he learned them from me.

I'll be fair.

I learned things

from Philip too.

I learned that...

I already knew...

that dogs were attached

to people and cats to places.

But I learned that...

I'm not attached to a man,

but to the potential

of a man.

I love what a man becomes

when he's with me.

But when he starts to become

what he's going to become...

whatever that is,

better or worse...

I just feel like it's time

for me to hail a cab

and be on my merry way.

If he changes for the worse,

I leave as quickly as I can.

And if he changes

for the better,

I leave quickly too.

I just cut my losses.

I leave before

the day comes

when he looks around

and doesn't see me anymore

because I'm just blending

into the new wallpaper.

No, I've been seeing Robert

for about two years.

It's not like we live together,

although he sleeps over most nights

because he's very sexy

and affectionate.

He's very patient with me.

He knows who I am.

Like when my dog

died in April...

people who aren't dog-owners

think it's silly,

but that hit me really hard.

I just...

She was diagnosed with cancer

and died in seven weeks.

It's not an easy death.

It took me too long to come to terms

with putting her to sleep,

and she paid for that

because I was thinking

more of myself,

which is what we do

when someone's sick.

It's always about us.

So, she was in pain longer

than she needed to be thanks to me,

because she was only five

and was given to me by my ex.

When I called him to tell him

that she was dying...

he's remarried now

to a woman I like

and they have

a little girl, Sonia,

who loves her daddy.

When I called him

to tell him she was dying...

I called him because I knew

I could share this with him.

And sure enough, he came to the vet

and we put the dog to sleep.

The exact moment going

from sleeping to dying...

is unclear to me still.

It's very fascinating

to watch, though.

I was surprised

at how easy it was.

Why should it be scary...

that little passage?

But it is to me.

I'm very afraid of it.

So after that, my ex took me

for a cup of coffee.

Which means we ended up spending

the afternoon in a hotel.

But even when

we were making love,

I stopped myself from doing things

I wanted to do.

I didn't follow my instincts.

God, I was even more inhibited

when I was married.

Yep.

I didn't want him

to think I'd changed.

But I have changed...

a little bit.

Although I'm still worried

about pleasing him.

That hasn't changed.

So when I got back

and Robert was there,

I was happy...

I was relieved

that he didn't belong

to the part of me

that put the dog to sleep.

The part of me that put the dog

to sleep belongs to my ex.

Robert...

at dinner that night,

he tells me this story

about, at 13,

how he wanted a cat.

The woman next door offered him

the pick of the litter,

but she wanted him to pre-pay

because she needed the cash...

so when the cat gave birth,

he was invited

to pick out his cat

and there's only two kittens.

While he's trying to decide

which he likes best,

he hears the sound

of another kitten

coming from another part

of the house.

It turns out the woman

was trying to hide it.

She wanted

to keep it for herself.

It was white with blue eyes,

which is rare.

So Robert wanted that kitten

and they fought about it,

but he ended up

taking her home.

He takes the cat to the vet

and it turns out the cat's deaf.

Deaf cat.

It was so funny.

It was a long story.

Robert is

a good storyteller.

He told it very well,

in great detail,

with a fatherly tone,

for my benefit...

to share in my loss

in some way.

I'm almost four years

older than him,

so when he was buying

his deaf cat,

I was 17

and pregnant

and on my way to Oregon

to have an abortion.

I was out

for most of the procedure,

so I don't remember

much anyway.

Except that the doctor was...

this older Black gentleman

and his daughter was the nurse.

He was nice. He said,

"I don't want to see you here again.

Make sure you don't

come back for more.

You're not driving home."

But he sent me to this motel,

a block away,

where the man

behind the desk

gave me a discount.

I was driving back

the next day,

and a bat hit the windshield

and I crashed my dad's car,

so I pulled over

and cried for a long time...

until this gentleman

stopped to help...

and offered to stay there

while I pulled myself together.

The whole time,

he was staring at my breasts.

Step up to my eyes

and back to my breasts.

Just couldn't help himself.

He even shook my hand

before he drove off.

I really wanted

to tell my dad about...

that abortion,

but of course I didn't...

although I almost did

a couple of times to hurt him.

So when he died,

I went into a tailspin

and I met my ex

at the bottom of my pit.

He scooped me up

and nursed me back to life.

And we got married.

But at the time,

I didn't really want...

so four months before

we got divorced, he got me my dog.

I was thinking later

that night at dinner...

I really do love Robert.

But he'll never be

what my ex is to me.

My ex made my life miserable

and reminded me every day

that I was a little sh*t.

He used to tell me,

"You're a little sh*t.

You're a little sh*t,

Deborah."

But he was

the love of my life.

Robert's someone I met

after meeting the love of my life.

And I'll bounce back

from this too.

You never bounce back

high enough.

I'm always

that much short of it.

I used to go with a guy

who was a puppeteer.

I tried not to sleep

with him right away,

because if you sleep

with a guy too soon,

he loses interest.

"Take your time,"

he says to me.

"I'll be ready when you are."

This gets to me,

of course, and I'm dying

to take off my underwear

right then and there.

But I don't.

I play it cool.

One night, we're sitting

around my apartment.

He's talking to his brother

on the telephone.

I suddenly reach for his beer

and take a swig.

Then I drink

the whole thing in one go.

After a few minutes, I begin to feel

the effects of the alcohol

and I know that the moment

he gets off the phone,

I'm going to f*** him.

It doesn't bother me

that I'm about to cave in.

It's the beer

and I know it.

But it's okay.

So be it, as they say.

He was a funny guy,

even in bed.

I don't mean,

funny weird.

He was fun, fun.

Fun!

And he was affectionate.

You know how women are always whining

that guys don't open up,

they have problems

with intimacy?

This guy could cuddle up

to Queen Elizabeth.

And he started telling me

he loved me, right away.

I liked it. And we were humping

like bunnies,

day and night.

Then one day, we were sharing

a piece of pecan pie,

and out of

the clear blue sky,

he says to me,

"I know you're going to leave me."

The moment he says this,

I know he's right.

I deny it to death

and dump him two weeks later.

A neighbor

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