Terminal Velocity Page #2

- Roger.

Still got a few minutes.

Just relax.

Between your legs?

- Best seat in the house.

- Why do you pretend that that's what you're about?

What makes you think

I'm pretending?

Because I'd be stupid to trust

my life with a walking penis.

And I'm not stupid.

I'm much more than a walking penis.

I'm a flying penis.

Yes, you are.

Remember:
hard arch

into the wind.

Now, your chute opens automatically,

but look up and check it.

Be sure that it's opened. If it hasn't,

cut away. Use your reserve.

Hello.

I'm over here.

I thought I saw another plane.

Is that safe?

- We got company?

- Not that I see.

- Let's get ready to jump-run.

- Mmm.

Now when you fi...

Jesus!

Ahh! Pull your cord!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Ah! Ah!

Sh*t.

Hold it.

We used to joke

about it, didn't we?

'Bout some student hittin' the dirt

and diggin' in like Wile E. Coyote.

I saw her, man.

I was right here

videotaping landings.

I saw her bounce.

I don't think we'll be

joking about it anymore.

What happened, man?

How'd she get

away from you?

I'm very calm!

We're flying. I looked back...

You think I'm lying, don't you?

I looked back.

Then she's gone.

She's gone! One minute she's there;

the next, she's gone.

You're up next.

These guys are tough.

I could have sworn

I did her dope-rope.

I could have sworn

I hooked her in.

Sometimes you do it when you load up;

other times, right before you jump.

But I could have sworn...

Handsome gal, she was.

- Yeah. And?

- Hell. An angel like that walks in,

a man starts thinkin'

with his little head.

I hooked her in, Noble!

Like I've done

thousands of times!

That's what you can tell

the F.A.A. guys.

Then what do I say?

I saw the line break?

That she

unhooked herself?

I never saw the line

on her, son.

That's all I can say...

if they ask me.

Unhooked herself.

Come on, man. Nobody's gonna do this.

There's easier ways to kill yourself.

Earth's rushing up at you at 120 miles

an hour, and all you gotta do is not pull?

What's easier than that?

Come on. After all these years,

you never thought about it?

No, man. I never have.

Hey, wait a minute. That must be

her roommate. She called her roommate.

"2201 High Desert Road. "

Tucson.

Hello?

Not very athletic.

Yeah, right.

A Boss fan.

Come here!

Who the hell are you?

What are you,

the boyfriend? Huh?

Hey, boyfriend.

Where's the body?

Who the hell are you?

Well... here's my card.

Where's the body?

I'll give you

30 bucks for it.

- I just want to get an idea where it's from.

- It's a handy little poker.

But it's seen better days.

Phosphate finish.

Steel hammerbutt cap.

Sawtooth back edge for wire cutting.

- Ninety bucks, my final offer.

- What about these markings?

- Cyrillic.

- From Syria?

Ditch, I don't got all day.

Take my dough

or take a hike.

- How fast this thing go?

- 'Bout 350.

- You're gonna kill yourself.

- Exactly. But what a ride.

Hello? Hello!

Hello? Hello!

Anybody here?

Hello!

- Richard Brodie?

- Maybe.

You know, this dust

that you have out here?

It just kills me. How do

you stand it every day?

I like dust.

Who are you?

My name is Ben...

... Pinkwater.

I called earlier, and, uh, there was no

answer. So I figured I'd take a chance.

I'm glad I did 'cause I need to speak

with you about a Chris Morrow.

- Can't you F.A.A. guys just get off my back?

- Sorry, I'm not from the F.A.A.

Maybe I wasn't clear. Um, I'm the, uh,

Deputy District Attorney of Tucson.

I'm here to determine whether manslaughter

charges should be brought against you...

in Chris Morrow's death.

You're kidding.

I don't know

what the hell's goin' on,

except somebody's doin'

a major number on my head.

Yes, well, let's just

stick to specifics, shall we?

I find it works

better that way.

Yesterday, this

wet dream walks in,

all cute and jittery like she's

never been on a jump before.

Then I find this

in her apartment.

So you think she misrepresented

her actual abilities.

I think she did for bullshit

what Stonehenge did for rocks.

That's very good.

That's very funny.

Uh...

What were you doing in her apartment?

Lookin' for her roommate.

Instead I get attacked by some jamoke with

pink rubber gloves and a bad Sinatra cut.

Let's backtrack a little bit. How did

you gain access to her apartment?

- I used keys.

- Whose keys?

- Her keys.

- Without any permission.

She's dead, remember?

What do you want

from me?

I just want the truth.

No, you just want

someone to hang.

Richard. M-May I

call you Richard?

Ahem.

I know guys like you don't like

guys like me, a-and that's fine.

But let me suggest

you drop the attitude.

Okay? Because if you

take a look around,

you'll see I'm the only guy here

tryin' to help you.

Just... work with me.

Look, here's my card.

If you think

of anything else,

you beep me,

day or night.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Oh, oh, uh...

One more thing.

Uh, did anyone take any pictures

or video or anything like that?

I can look, but I...

I don't think so. No.

Okay.

All right.

- I'll be in touch.

- All right.

- Get some rest.

- I will.

Robocam with the cavity-cam.

What's up, pretty lady?

- Be natural, all right?

- I'm always natural.

Oh, God. Well, it's like

you just feel free.

Like a bird.

I always think

of that song "Free Bird. "

- Do you know it?

- Holy sh*t!

There was another plane.

All right, Slammo,

who the hell are you?

Come on, man! What are

you buzzing me for?

Because apparently, Ditch, you needed

a tour guide to find your way here.

- What took you so long?

- What I don't understand, lady,

is how you're still vertical.

Why don't we start there, all right?

The woman you saw falling

wasn't me.

It was a female body dressed

in an orange jumpsuit.

The suits from your jump center

were easy enough to copy.

Okay. Okay, I'm startin'

to catch on, I think.

So you unhook while I'm up front

checkin' for traffic, and then...

She jumps. She max-tracks into

the blind spot behind your plane.

A body drops from the plane

above you:
mine.

Shadowing above.

You look out, see her falling.

Or think you do.

Actually, I'm on my way

landing a mile off.

I see.

Yeah, I was this close

to puttin' it together.

Of course you were.

All right, so you've fooled a guy who

can't get his sideburns even when he shaves.

- What about the coroner?

- Terminal velocity.

How fast does

an unstable body fall?

110, 120 miles an hour?

- Yeah, about 110, 120...

- Miles an hour.

Well, forget the dental records.

Her teeth are Chicklets.

What about fingerprints?

You could still I.D. her that way.

But they wouldn't, not if

there was a simpler way.

Like all of us on the ground

tellin' the cops who it was.

Let me ask you somethin'.

Who was the corpse?

I'll tell you on the plane.

We have to leave now.

What do I look like here, a brain donor? The

only place I'm goin' is the county sheriff.

- Think they'll believe you? - They will as soon

as the coroner double-checks the fingerprints.

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