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ADAM:

Five years.

I remember when I

couldn't get five days.

(CARS HONKING)

MIKE:

What's your name?

ADAM:

Hey. Adam. Sex addict.

ALL:

Hi, Adam.

(UPBEAT DRUM MUSIC)

I never want to get cocky

about this, you know?

I never want to be, like,

"Yo, look at me."

"I got it all. I got five years.

I got it all figured out."

I've had to make it a practice.

I have to remind myself every day

where this disease could take me.

I have to remember jonesing, feeling like I

was gonna f***ing die if I didn't have sex.

I've got to be vigilant, you know?

I can't...

I can't be easy with

myself in this program.

So, yeah.

I am grateful to be sober today.

Thanks.

Thanks for letting me share.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

What are you doing?

Hey, I'm Neil. I'm a sexy...

I'm a sex addict.

(LAUGHTER)

Hi, Neil.

Hi, Neil.

Thanks so much for your share, Adam.

That's some powerful sh*t, man. Damn.

All right, so let me check in.

How am I doing? (EXHALES)

You know, I'm good, actually.

I'm feeling pretty good.

Work's good. Work's great.

All right, what do we got?

EMT:
Twenty-something male

presenting polysubstance OD.

We gave him the Narcan, then he woke up,

starting pulling everything,

and then went out again.

Got it.

Sir?

Can you hear me?

Can you tell me your name, bud?

All right, belly's distended.

Let's get an IV set up

and then put a Foley in.

Put it in what?

Damn.

Looks like a bird egg in a nest.

Poor guy probably

needs a squirrel to jerk him off.

Don't you think?

(CHUCKLES)

It kind of looks like

an elevator button.

Third floor. Beep.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Dr. Garalla?

Can I see you over here

for a second, please?

NEIL:
You know, but I gotta say

it's working. Totally working.

I haven't touched myself in

about a month, which is crazy,

'cause I remember, you know, when I first

heard about the no masturbation rule,

I was, like, "Okay, should I

not breathe while I'm at it?"

(LAUGHTER)

Should I not breathe

while I'm at it?

All right, well, that wraps it up.

Thanks for letting me share.

Yeah.

Thanks. I'm Mike,

gratefully recovering sex addict.

Hi, Mike.

Hi, Mike.

I'm proud of you, birthday boy.

Really proud.

Thanks.

And I'm proud to be your sponsor.

So, what's going on with me?

Let's see.

Well, I'm grateful to be sober.

Been taking

some visual drinks on the streets.

Is it me, or is Manhattan

just one big f***ing catwalk?

(LAUGHTER)

Mmm, hey.

Hey.

I'm really embarrassed to say this,

but I forgot your name.

(CHUCKLES)

You guys have heard me say this before.

This disease is a f***ing b*tch.

Now I have been sober

15 years in the beverage program.

No problem.

This thing is a whole

different animal.

It's like trying to quit crack

while the pipe's attached to your body.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Who serves stale bread?

It's completely stale.

Have you decided yet?

Uh, yeah, just one moment.

What's tempeh again?

Just order the pancakes, Mike.

Maybe I want to try something different.

You know what you should get?

It's the salmon scramble. It's so good.

This time I'm going to go for the

pancakes.

Get off my back.

How's work?

It's pretty good.

We just landed the postal service.

What?

Yup, we're going to be helping

them green all their packaging.

That's huge. The postal service.

Right. Yeah.

That's an oxymoron, right?

The postal service.

It's like jumbo shrimp

or military intelligence.

No. It's actually not

an oxymoron at all.

They actually deliver the mail.

Postal service.

But the...

See, there's no... There's actually no...

No, but there is. They're having issues.

Not at all. Not an oxymoron.

So, um, how's the dating?

Uh...

What?

(SIGHS) It's...

Come on, you got five years. It's time.

(CLEARS THROAT)

The point isn't to live like a monk.

It's easy to be skinny on a desert island.

I know. I know. I know.

It's not like booze or drugs. You

don't have to shut it off completely.

Jesus, I'll start dating.

Don't just say that to shut me up.

What do you want me to say?

I don't want you to say anything.

I want you to do.

Okay, fine. I'll do it.

Do. Date.

You are?

Yes. I'm doing it.

Yeah? Good.

Why couldn't I have

picked an easy sponsor?

Why? -I don't know. Maybe

you wanted to recover.

Why are you riding me?

(LAUGHS)

Here. This is for you.

Ah...

Subtle.

Oh, if you want to bust my balls...

No! No, no, no! I love it!

Are you kidding me?

I always wanted

one of your touchy-feely rocks.

I want one.

I want a touchy-feely rock, too.

So f***ing earn it.

So I'm going to hear

your first step after this, right?

Oh, sh*t.

Neil.

Dude, I've been working

on it all week.

I totally, totally forgot

that we were doing that today.

You do remember

why you're in this program, right?

Free bagels?

You were court ordered.

Frottage.

Mmm. I know.

Unconsensual touching of other people.

(WHISPERS) I know.

Listen, Neil, you gotta do the work.

You have to do whatever it takes.

You think I like

not having a television or a laptop?

It f***ing blows. But guess what?

It's saving my life, so I do it.

Is any of this of interest to you, Neil?

Yes, it's all of interest to me.

Can we please move on?

I'll get it done this week. Thank you.

What happened to your face?

Nothing.

(PASSIONATE MOANS)

(SHUDDERING)

My fellow gastronauts.

I bring you good tidings

and good eatings.

Let's bug out.

(SIZZLING)

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

No, Pinocch, don't do it!

It's me, Jimmy. Put the stick down!

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Well, you

should have thought about that

before you ratted

me out to Geppetto.

(LAUGHS)

That's not my real voice.

Oh. Well, then sorry, I'm...

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

No! Come back!

(NORMAL VOICE) I'm Adam.

I'm Phoebe.

Hi, Phoebe.

You are a very cruel man, Adam.

Believe me, it hurts them

far more than it hurts me.

Don't you mean that

the other way around?

No, Phoebe, I don't.

(LAUGHS)

So what you making?

(SOFT MUSIC)

(INAUDIBLE)

Flip phone, huh?

Yeah.

You ever carbon

dated this thing?

What are you doing?

Don't be so slow,

Pinocchio.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(DOOR OPENING)

Mike.

Mike, there's someone

downstairs.

What?

(WHISPERING)

There's someone downstairs. Get up.

(RATTLING)

(SCRAPING)

(RATTLING)

Whoa, dad!

It's me.

Danny?

I used the Hide-a-Key.

What the f*** are you doing here?

I wanted to come see you guys.

So you just decided

you'd stop by for a midnight chat?

I've been driving all day.

I didn't have a chance...

So you're hungry.

So you figured

you'd eat our food and then Rob us.

I'm not going to Rob you, Dad.

I haven't used in eight months.

Yeah, right.

I wouldn't believe me either,

I guess, but it's true.

You know how I know

an addict is lying?

His lips are moving.

Mom up there?

She's sleeping.

Danny?

Hey, Mom.

Danny!

Hey.

(GASPS)

Oh!

Oh, my...

Look at you! (LAUGHS)

MIKE:
Kid's stolen money,

sports equipment, his mom's necklace.

Never once said he's sorry.

(SIGHS)

You know, I've tried to

get him in the rooms.

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