That Darn Cat!

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[Slurping and chewing]

[Meowing]

[Barking]

[Snarling]

[Barking]

While the city sleeps

Every night he creeps

Just surveyin' his domain

He roams around

like he owns the town

He's the king

He makes that plain

He knows every trick

Doesn't miss a lick

When it comes to keepin' fat

Some city slicker

No one is quicker

Than

That darn cat

Every nook and cranny

And garbage can he inspects

So thoroughly

When he's on his rounds

Nothin's out of bounds

To his curiosity

He can smile and purr

At a pretty her

Till she don't know

where she's at

Nose like a Geiger

Oh, what a tiger is

That darn cat

He's a sly old codger

An artful dodger

A scrounger unsurpassed

A ball of fire

A nine-live wire

Who just can't be outclassed

Yeah, this midnight rover

He lives in clover

It's an art he's got down pat

Never was a greater

Smooth operator than that

Darn

That darn cat

- That darn cat

- [meows]

That darn cat

That darn cat

That darn cat

[meowing]

[Meowing]

Hey, what do you say, fella?

Hey, you're taking my food, huh?

[Chuckling]

Lggy.

- What kept you?

- The lousy buses.

- Where'd you leave the car?

- Outside of Fresno, Route 99.

All right. Okay. They found it.

- The scan came in on the radio.

- What'd I tell you?

The fuzz'll fall for the whole deal,

hook, line and sinker.

Maybe. We've got

the federal fuzz on us this time.

So what? Who cares?

Wait till they pick up them hot 20s

I've been dropping off

all the way up the valley.

They're gonna lose their minds.

Look at us,

livin' in this solid pad,

a block and a half away

from where we pulled the job.

What about them headlines?

We're big news.

Front page,

every one of them...

- Shut up, will you?

- Shut up? Sure.

"Two bank robbers

stage daring, daylight holdup."

Hey, how about that, huh?

"Daring... daring."

"Two armed men

wearing Halloween masks

robbed the North Valley bank

early today...

- I gotta look.

...seizing a teller,

Miss Margaret Miller,

to shield their getaway."

Wow. Does this turn you on, huh?

Two hundred and fifty

thousand dollars.

- Iggy.

- Wow.

Iggy, we don't get 250,000

like the papers say.

We get 160 grand.

A hundred and six...

- Are you tryin' to snow me?

- Get your hands off me, meatball.

Get 'em off.

Don't you do that again.

A hundred and sixty.

How come the papers

don't say that?

- Do you believe the papers or me?

- What do I know?

I've been out risking my neck,

laying phony leads.

You've been in here,

sitting on the glue.

Well, why don't you ask

Miss America there?

She's the money lady.

Hey, it was a quarter million,

wasn't it?

Two hundred grand?

One lousy hundred sixty...

[man] Don't do it, lggy.

What I want to know is,

how come it don't bother you, huh?

Two of you wouldn't

have cooked this up?

Oh, come on, lggy.

You're more of a drag than she is.

All right,

what are we gonna do about her?

[Man] To tell you the truth,

she's been a pretty good girl.

No hysteriaville, no gas.

No struggling.

She's got consideration

for other people.

I say we ought to

turn her off right now.

Is that another one

of your big ideas?

You see this?

Everyone in town is gonna be lookin'

at our girl's picture.

They dig her now,

all those helpful little citizens.

And that one little old man,

Eyewitness Charlie, with 20l20 vision.

Who always happens

to be looking out a window

when you're dragging out a body.

- [Lggy] What's the action then?

- We cool it, cool it, all of us.

- Cool it.

- Mother, I'm gonna take this gag off.

You got any ideas about noise?

All right. That's good...

...because I've got sensitive ears,

and when someone yells,

I do things.

Things like make me hate myself

in the morning.

Now, Mother, here's the picture.

We hole up here a few days.

We're stuck with you.

Now, we don't want you getting sick

or scared or finking out.

That's no good.

Not for us. Not for you.

[Stammering] What are you

gonna do with me?

Well, first you've got

to believe one thing.

One killing, more or less,

won't make any difference.

We've got nothin' to lose.

Anybody we knock off from here on in,

is just a little more gravy, see?

- I understand.

- That's solid, Moms.

Come on.

Let's make with the cookin'.

Iggy brought groceries. Come on.

We got steaks, we got salmon.

What's it gonna be?

Steak. I'll have mine rare.

Make mine well.

I can't stand the sight of blood.

Some desperate character

I got for a partner, huh?

[Door rattling]

[Meowing]

All right, fleabag,

get out of here.

- Let him stay a while, Dan.

- What for?

- I like cats.

- You like cats?

Yeah. I ever tell you about

Acey-Deucy, my old cat?

- No, and you ain't going to.

- As long as he was alive, I was lucky.

- He was a real friend.

- You're breaking my heart.

Come on, I want to talk to you.

Don't stand there flapping your ears.

Make with the cooking.

I like the cat.

Don't forget, I'm watching you.

I don't trust that dame.

I don't trust her.

I don't want you to trust her.

The thing is,

she might play along

if we con her into thinking

we might turn her loose.

- You wouldn't, would you?

- Are you out of your mind?

[Indistinct murmuring]

[Dan] Nah, you're kidding.

[Lggy] What's holding you up?

Move it, will you?

I think my watch stopped.

What do I care?

What's with the watch?

- I wanted to time the steaks.

- That's a clock, ain't it?

Move it, will you?

[Meowing]

What do you think you're doing?

Not that way, Dan,

somebody will hear.

[Stammering] He wanted to go out.

I... I didn't make a break.

I... I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.

Okay.

Okay.

Because I got friends.

Ten little lead-nosed friends in here.

And they all run faster

than you do, Moms.

[Stammering] I know.

Now, let's get one thing straight.

Don't touch that door again.

Not that door,

or any window in there.

- You got that straight?

- Got it?

- Yes.

- You just used up all your luck, lady.

Now, don't try me again.

How about Thursday night

at the drive-in?

- What's playing?

- Night of the Surter.

- What was that we saw tonight?

- Surter Beach Party.

- And the night before last?

- Son of Surt and Sinbad the Surter.

- Double feature.

- Canoe...

Do you ever get a spooky feeling

that we keep seeing

the same movie over and over?

And all they do

is change the titles a little?

Yeah, it's terrific stuff, isn't it?

Couldn't we, just once,

see a nice quiet movie,

where boy meets girl,

they have problems

which aren't weird, they fall in love,

and live happily ever after?

Why would you want

to see unhealthy stuff like that?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe once

I'd like to go to a movie

where I don't get seasick.

I'll make you a deal.

You go with me Thursday night,

next time I'll take you to one of those

happily ever after clambakes. Deal?

- I guess.

- Where's the thing playing?

Oh, who knows? Maybe they don't

make movies like that anymore.

Well, sure.

You wanna know why?

Because people don't want to

be depressed by all that slop.

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