That Thing You Do! Page #2

over here, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Would anyone notice

if Chad busted his arm? Ha ha.

These are the clock radios,

fellas.

So... what's this tune?

Well, it's an original

that I wrote.

Hey.

We wrote.

It's nothing

you can't handle.

It's just for tonight.

And if we win,

we split $100.

Um...

wow.

Playin'

in a group again.

Man, that sounds

like fun.

[Guy Sighs]

All right. Here's the deal.

If you want these magic hands,

you gotta buy two new record needles.

- And this radio.

- [Chuckling]

- [Chuckles]

- You serious?

It's 14.95 on sale.

How about a washing machine

too? Yeah, okay.

[Man] That swelling will go down

in a couple of days...

with cold compresses,

All right? I'll see you

in a couple days.

[Woman] Your new patient,

Tina Powers, is here.

Hi. Are you Tina?

Tina, yes.

Yes, I'm Tina.

[Chuckles]

[Lenny]

Hey, man. Listen.

[Singing]

[Ends]

So it's verse, chorus, verse, chorus,

bridge, solo, verse, chorus, then out.

Sweet. Is that the tempo?

Think he can handle it?

He can, or my name

isn't Constantine de Montoya of Flanders.

Chad stayed on the high hat

for most of it.

- Did he now?

- Guys, Chad's arm is so scary.

I don't think I've ever

seen anything swell up so big so fast.

Hey, Jimmy, don't take that

personally, old man.

Hey, uh-I gotta get back to the store,

so let's get crackin'.

Uh-What do you want,

somethin' like, uh-

Little slower.

One, two, three-

- It's too fast.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Whoa, whoa.

- No, that's too fast.

- Yeah, way too fast.

- Yeah. Slow down.

Slow down. This is not a polka.

- [Drumsticks Tapping]

- This is rock and roll.

[Slow Rock]

[Singing]

[Clapping]

Perfect, man.

Very good.

Took Chad a week to learn that.

Chad. Who's Ch-Chad?

Just one song, right?

Jimmy:
That's right.

One-derful.

[Drums Playing]

Guy:
I gotta go.

That's it...

Guy Patterson.

That's it-

The One-ders!

And then, you know how,

like The Beatles-The Beatles,

they use an E-A

as The Beatles?

Well, we can use an O-N-E

like The One-ders.

You're talkin'

gibberish.

No, look.

The One-ders.

Lenny.

Yeah, it looks like

The O-neders.

No. The-The One-ders.

Got it. Looks like

The O-neders.

[Folk]

Hey! You're drowning

in the river! You're drowning!

[Singing Continues]

This is hardly a date, Guy.

I thought we were

going to the movies

and dinner

at the club.

We're gonna cream

these ladies.

Well, how long

is this going to be?

Guy, I've been looking for you

everywhere. You got to set up.

Oh. OK. Um...

where are they?

Um,

right straight back,

through the door,

by the stage.

Great.

Tina, this is Faye.

Hi. How long

is this going to be?

Um...

you know,

I-I don't know.

I've never really been

to one of these things before.

Nice to meet you.

[Playing Mexican Song]

Whoo-whoo!

[Singing In Spanish]

[Singing]

Emcee:
All right, yeah!

Listen to that applause.

What do you say,

Miss Talent Show?

Extra good? No! Super!

Very good. That definitely

makes The Legends of Brass

of Phi Kappa Epsilon

way over there

at Gannon College...

our front-runners!

[Cheering]

Emcee:
OK.

How are you, boys?

You-You ready?

No.

Emcee:
Oh, well.

Hey, how do you sell

a chicken to a deaf man?

You're

a jerkhead!

You say,

[Shouting] " Hey, would you

like to buy a chicken?!"

Eat my shorts,

captain.

Shut up!

I'll kick your ass.

[Strums Guitar]

Are you ready?

Ready.

Oh, yeah,

just one, please.

Hi. Have fun.

Emcee:
This next group,

they're all locals.

They call Erie home.

The... O-neders.

Girl:
All right,

let's go!

That's "The One-ders."

That's too fast,

Guy. Slow down!

Come on, come on.

Slow down! Too fast!

Slow it down!

[Pop]

Aw, come on.

That's too fast.

[Singing Continues]

Aw, come on,

Guy. Aw.

Man, what's

goin' on here?

[Singing Continues]

It's all right!

You're a lucky man!

[Guitar Solo]

[Cheering]

Oh, my goodness!

That was fantastic!

That was way

too fast, man.

It's a ballad!

You're right.

No, it was great!

It was great!

Oh, that's wicked!

That's sure wicked!

The O-neders

are the champions!

Because they do

That Thing You Do!

That was great!

That was great, you guys!

Come over here.

I wanna talk to you.

You ever been

to Villapiano's?

What, the spaghetti place

out by the airport

that's been

in the papers?

Yeah. I gotta have ya.

I just gotta have ya.

I want you playin'

at my place next weekend.

What do you say, huh?

Jimmy:
Will there

be money involved?

I'll pay you 100 bucks.

How's that?

Guy:
We'll do it.

Yeah! Yeah, yeah!

[Guitar Notes As It Crashes]

Ooh!

Guy:
I don't know.

It's like I could hear

the beat in my head, you know.

- [Horn Honking]

- [Imitates Drumbeat]

Pull over!

Hey! You guys are wicked!

You even drive

too fast!

What are you doin' with him?

He's a drummer!

Hey, One-ders!

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

I don't know.

I haven't played in front of people

in so long,

so I was nervous.

But it sounds

better fast.

Jimmy wanted it slow,

but he was wrong.

It's an up-tempo number.

And we won!

That Jimmy fella

certainly has a gal pal in Faye.

They make

a cute couple, huh?

The only other band I was in

was my uncle's band.

We played this wedding for free,

and then we broke up.

This one gets a paying gig.

So, what are you

doin' next weekend?

Are you kidding?

I'm gonna see my boyfriend's

music group.

Award-winning

music group.

Yeah, and you're playing

at a restaurant out by the... airport?

[Italian Accent]

Villapiano's.

[Drumming]

Why don't we go, uh, "C," "C," "A"-

No. The way you just played it.

- Why don't we-

But why don't we hook it in "A"?

- No!

- No, the minor chord,

the way you just played it.

- [Faye] Sandwiches.

[Lenny]

I know! Why don't we just listen to it in "A'"?

Look, I wrote it the way you just played it.

It's a sad song.

- Are they always like this?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- You should've seen 'em with Chad.

- I'm not trying to change your song.

- Terrible.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, Faye. Is this a bologna sandwich?

- Yeah.

- Never, ever bring me

a bologna sandwich again. Ever.

- Okay.

- Ever. Never.

- Okay.

- [Muttering]

- You can make your own sandwich.

- That's only fair.

- Bologna sandwich!

[Exhales, Whistles]

- All right.

...works just fine for The Beatles.

Yeah, well-We're gonna sound like

the lads themselves?

I mean, why are we

even bothering with this song?

It's for our encore.

Ed Sullivan calls us back

for a chat.

All right. Let's shove it. We need

somethin' slow anyway.

No, we don't.

- I've been workin' on a ballad.

- Oh.

- It's called, "All My Only Dreams."

- It's about me.

I've dragged you into hell.

I'm sorry.

[Slow Rock]

[Airplane]

[Whistles]

Thank you.

Table 19,

your pizza's ready.

[Rim Shot]

Hey, when are you gonna play

That Thing You Do?

That's what we

wanna hear!

Uh, has our fame

preceded us?

Hey, we came here

to meet girls and dance,

and we can't meet girls

until we dance!

All right, this is an opportune time

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