The 24th Day Page #5

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I was afraid to tell Kate Jackson

was my favorite ''Charlie's Angel''.

I don't think people

would have cared.

Well, maybe not in Jasper,

but in my neighborhood...

you got to a certain age, when you

see that Missus Zito's backyard...

wasn't f***ing Cairo.

Missus Zito?

I used to stuff

my knapsack with...

shovels and notebooks and I'd go

wherever there was some dirt.

And I go to parks and playgrounds

and I go to backyards.

I'd just start digging.

I'd pretend it was Egypt, Asia,

the middle of South America.

I filled up notebooks

with diagrams...

of where I'd been

and what I'd found.

It was all junk.

It was just chicken bones,

pieces of broken cups.

But I would treat those things

like precious artifacts.

I'd treat them like they were

bones from some prehistoric bird.

And you grow up...

you get older.

You understand life better.

You see things and people

for what they are.

And you realize those bones

are chicken bones.

Just leftovers

from someone's lunch.

Did you mean Jacklyn Smith.

Your favorite ''Charlie's Angel'',

Jacklyn Smith?

No, Kate Jackson.

Kate Jackson?

That's really?

What's wrong

with Kate Jackson?

Nothing. I just...

I can see you not being into

Farrah and all that perfection...

but Kate Jackson...

Sabrina over Jacklyn Smith?

That I don't get.

Sabrina was very athletic.

I liked that.

Jacklyn was athletic.

Remember the opening credits?

She knew all the karate.

You don't think Sabrina

knew karate?

She was the smartest one.

Yeah, of the ''Charlie's Angels'', but

that's a hell of a sliding curve.

Who would you choose?

Starsky

from ''Starsky and Hutch''.

I liked the other guy.

Hutch didn't have

half the sex appeal.

Im not talking about sex appeal,

Im talking about cool.

Hutch was cool.

Not as cool as Crocker on

''Miami Vice'', but he was cool.

Crocker was cool.

Not my type,

but definitely cool.

You know what I never got?

How did Doc from ''The Love Boat''

get so many women?

Women go for doctors.

Because a doctor on the Love Boat,

how impressive is that?

It didn't make any sense.

About as much

as Fonzie scoring.

What do you mean?

-He wasn't what you'd call a stud.

-What do you mean?

Well, he's kinda

short and pudgy.

He was ''The Fonz''.

I mean, he was ''The Fonz''.

All right.

He was ''The Fonz''.

I got a question for you.

lf you had to go on a stakeout

with a female cop...

-who would it be?

-Besides ''Charlie's Angels''?

Remember,

the Angels don't count.

They quit the force

to work for Charlie.

I'd have to say

Angie Dickinson.

''Policewoman''. Very good.

Besides being hot, she was the

toughest, kick-ass thing going.

Tom, what are you doing here?

You know, even with all this

stuff that you've done...

it's easy to see you're not

a killer. You're a good person.

Why don't we just end this

before it goes any further?

You know, you remind me of these

guys who eat at the restaurant.

They came in and talk about how

they want a thick, tender steak.

And once the waiter comes over

and tells them the special...

this big debate starts.

''Boy, that lobster

sounds good.''

''Geez, do I really want

such a heavy meal?''

Me, I just want a steak,

I eat a f***ing steak.

I don't want to see the menu,

I don't need to hear the specials.

lf that test comes back

positive, Im gonna kill you.

Killing me is going to be more

complicated than ordering a steak.

We'll see.

How you gonna do it?

Strangle me?

You gonna put a bag

over my head?

Come on, tell me.

My morbid curiosity

wants to know.

Im gonna cut your throat and

you're gonna bleed to death.

You're gonna stand there and watch

the blood spill all over the floor?

You have that in you?

You could do that

to another human being?

I couldn't do it

to another human being...

but I can do it to you.

I can kill you.

I hate to ruin your plans, but

that test is coming back negative.

-You don't know.

-Better hold onto that thought.

-its all you have.

-F*** you.

You can talk all you want about

TV and college football rallies.

you can tangle that smart tongue

of yours around anything you want.

You're just having

a difficult time getting it.

Nothing else matters to me.

lf it comes back positive,

Im gonna kill you.

The only thing that'll be easier

than that will be killing myself.

So who else knows you're gay?

Im not gay.

You're not gay...

Who else knows you're ''bi''?

Im not ''bi''.

-I like women.

-You're straight?

You like women,

okay, all right...

You're a good looking guy...

who's probably screwed every Teresa

Maria and Gina you've ever met.

And how many women

have you screwed?

Tell me.

Not a Lot.

Whatever you consider a Lot,

Im less than that.

-Less than a Lot.

-F*** you.

You've had loads of women

in the back seats of cars...

You see, intercourse

is such an intimate thing...

Im not the only one...

I can't just f*** anyone...

-I need a bond.

-Admit it!

I need to trust.

Our night was a one time deal.

One night doesn't make me anything.

You are absolutely right.

Just like if I spent

one night with a woman...

it wouldn't make me straight.

You could sleep with Playmates

and it wouldn't make you straight.

Ive had my share of girlfriends.

In high school.

Even now, when I meet a woman

that Im sexually attracted to...

that I want to sleep with...

but does that mean that Im gonna

go get married and live happily...

-never to sleep with another man?

-What's your f***ing point?

Putting people in f***ing boxes,

you're straight or you're gay.

its nonsense.

Human beings are too

complex.

Being with a man or wanting to be

with a man doesn't make you gay.

its totally messed up.

lf a girl goes

to her boyfriend and says...

she wants to f*** around

with another girl...

you think he's gonna be ''weirded

out'' by that? Of course not.

He's gonna wanna watch,

maybe even join in.

But if a guy asks his

girlfriend the same question...

she'd f***in' flip her lid.

That's totally messed up

for guys who prefer women...

and have a slight curiosity

about men.

They're forced

into repressing it.

They're made to think like there's

something's wrong with them.

It isn't the act that is wrong.

That's what's natural.

What's wrong is how society

makes you feel about it...

because nobody can admit...

that people aren't completely gay

or completely straight.

its nonsense.

Where'd you get that, from ''Guide

To How To Make Straight Men Gay''?

You have nothing

to be ashamed of.

You're not here because

I was with a man.

I know.

You think Im responsible

for your...

are you absolutely sure

that you have it?

Tests could be wrong.

Mistakes can be made all the time.

I tested it twice

the last three weeks.

Three weeks?

That's how long you've known?

Twenty-four days.

That's nothing.

No wonder you're acting

the way you are.

You're in shock

over finding out.

-Im in shock?

-Yes, you're in shock.

And you're reacting with an anger

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