The Addams Family Page #11

MORTICIA:

(after another beat)

Good night, Fester.

She heads toward the house. She turns.

MORTICIA:

Rest in peace.

CUT TO:

75 INT. HALLWAY - EARLY MORNING 75

Fester is on the phone hunched over, his eyes darting tomake sure no one overhears.

FESTER:

(into phone)

They're on to me, Mother! I'm almost

sure!... Of course, I've tried, I still

can't find it... you've got to get

over here.

Wednesday is bound and gagged on a chair in the background.

Pugsley runs up to Fester with two bottles of poison.

Fester, vaguely impatient, points to one. Pugsley nods andruns off.

FESTER:

(into phone)

... Don't say that...

(tenderly)

... You know that I do...

CUT TO:

A76 OMITTED A76

B76 INT. ADDAMS KITCHEN - A FEW MINUTES LATER B76

Granny and Lurch are doing the dishes; Granny rinses andLurch dries. Lurch then hands each dish to Thing, whostacks them.

Morticia sits at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea.

Wednesday stands before Morticia, holding up a large,

nasty-looking carving knife.

MORTICIA:

(to Wednesday)

Is that for your brother?

Wednesday nods.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 1/15/91 56A.

B76 CONTINUED:
B76

MORTICIA:

(taking the knife)

I don't think so.

Morticia hands Wednesday a much larger, even nastier-

looking knife. Wednesday takes the knife and exits.

MORTICIA:

(worried)

His trains are everywhere, the childrenare beside themselves - this can't go on.

How can I help him? Tell me, Mama.

GRANNY:

Well, let's look it up.

Granny wipes her hands and opens a large, ragged leather-

bound book. She starts thumbing through the pages.

GRANNY:

Troubled husbands, troubled husbands...

adultery...

MORTICIA:

Oh, no.

GRANNY:

(still looking)

Financial, money troubles...

MORTICIA:

No.

GRANNY:

(still looking)

Turned into a toad or reptile...

MORTICIA:

Is there an index?

GRANNY:

Here it is - suspicion and anxiety,

in husbands.

MORTICIA:

(eagerly)

What does it say?

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 1/15/91 56B.

B76 CONTINUED:
B76

GRANNY:

(reading)

Drain all his blood, replace it withvinegar overnight. Leave a headless

rooster beneath his pillow. Smear his

forehead, palms and feet with the tearsof a stillborn monkey. Add milk.

MORTICIA:

(offended)

I can't do that. It's barbaric. Really,

Mama. I'm surprised at you.

(a beat, then disdainfully)

Milk.

Lurch growls in agreement.

CUT TO:

C76 INT. UNCLE FESTER'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME C76

Fester is sitting on the bed, kneading his hands, very

upset. Abigail is calmly inspecting the room, studyingvarious objects with disdain.

FESTER:

They know I'm a fraud! The whole

bunch! It's not going to work!

ABIGAIL:

Who knows? Gomez, that over-heated

moron?

FESTER:

He's no moron! He's Fester's brother,

they had some awful fight, years ago.

He's suspicious, they all are, I cantell.

ABIGAIL:

Really? Well, thank God I came over.

I can counsel the troubled family. Ease

their distress. It's my calling.

Remember, Gordon...

FESTER:

What?

ABIGAIL:

(smiling)

I'm a doctor.

CUT TO:

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 1/15/91 56C.

76 INT. ADDAMS DRAWING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 76

Gomez and Morticia sit with Abigail.

MORTICIA:

(to Gomez)

Dr. Pinder-Schloss is here to help.

(to Abigail)

Should Gomez speak with Fester?

He's right outside the door.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/6/90 57.

76 CONTINUED:
76

GOMEZ:

I would speak with Fester...

Gomez gets up and stalks toward the door, talking louderand louder.

GOMEZ:

-- if that were Fester, but

that's not! That's an impostor!

An impostore!

OUTSIDE THE DOOR -Fester

hears and STORMS OFF.

77 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - SAME TIME 77

Fester is marching toward his room, when he hears...

WEDNESDAY (O.S.)

O villain, villain, smiling, damnedvillain!

PUGSLEY (O.S.)

Who calls me a villain? Breaks mypate across? Plucks off my beardand blows it in my face?

WEDNESDAY (O.S.)

If I must strike you dead, I will!

Fester gets a genuine gleam in his eye.

FESTER:

Bloodshed!

He hurries back to the

78 TOP OF THE STAIRCASE and looks down into the 78

FRONT HALL:

where, SWORDS DRAWN, DUELLING, Wednesday backs Pugsley in.

Pugsley and Wednesday thrust and parry, hack and slice.

Pugsley runs Wednesday through. She staggers, then fallsdead.

FESTER:

No! No! Gimme that sword.

Pugsley hands him the sword.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 58.

78 CONTINUED:
78

FESTER:

Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone?

WEDNESDAY:

(referring to Pugsley,

solemnly)

He's only a child.

FESTER:

No excuse.

(pointing the swordat Wednesday's throat)

Aim for a major artery. The jugular.

WEDNESDAY:

(agreeing, the swordstill to her throat)

That's what I said.

CUT TO:

79 INT. DRAWING ROOM -SAME TIME 79

Gomez is still raving...

GOMEZ:

...A faker! A phony! An utter

fraud! A base, deceitful-ABIGAIL

(interrupting)

Mr. Addams, I beleef I am understandink.

I vill help. Jais? Ze

theory of displacement - is zisfamiliar?

No.

GOMEZ:

(impressed)

Tish?

Morticia shakes her head.

ABIGAIL:

Ha! It is too exciting.

explain.

I vill

GOMEZ:

(excited)

Is it unpleasant?

Deeply.

ABIGAIL:

Gomez sits beside Morticia; he takes her hand.

both fascinated.

They are

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 59.

79 CONTINUED:
79

ABIGAIL:

Your very own bruzzer - you drivehim avay. Go! Off viz you! But

zen - you are feelink ze littleblack monster.

GOMEZ:

Pugsley?

ABIGAIL:

Guilt. Jais! Your bruzzer returns,

you feel guilty - you displace.

GOMEZ:

I do?

MORTICIA:

(impressed)

Of course...

ABIGAIL:

Ze feelinks in your brain cells,

ze bubble and ze collide. You suspecttinks. You luff him, but you resenthim. Luff, hate, hate, luff. Like

for Mama, no?

GOMEZ:

But... I didn't hate my mother. It

was an accident.

ABIGAIL:

It is a very common psychosis. I

am seeink it every day.

MORTICIA:

(sincerely)

Lucky doctor.

GOMEZ:

Displacement! How bizarre... and

here, I imagined Fester was theproblem. He's sullen...

MORTICIA:

(egging him on)

He's furtive...

GOMEZ:

(excited)

He's backstabbing...

MORTICIA:

He sulks...

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 59A.

79 CONTINUED:
(2) 79

GOMEZ:

I suspect him...

MORTICIA:

You're unbalanced...

GOMEZ:

And I hate him...

MORTICIA:

(decisively)

But that's love!

GOMEZ:

(jumping to his feet)

By God, you're right! He is

Fester!

Gomez is suddenly jubilant again.

MORTICIA:

Thank you, Dr. Pinder-Schloss.

ABIGAIL:

I do vat I can.

CUT TO:

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 3/18/91 60.

80 OMITTED 80

A81 INT. WEDNESDAY'S ROOM - SAME TIME A81

Fester is seated on a leather couch; Pugsley andWednesday are snuggled up on either side. They are alllooking at an enormous, ancient BOOK which Fester holdsopen in his lap.

C.U. on the book's cover.

AND GOUGES.

The title reads WOUNDS, SCARS

FESTER:

You see, children? There's a lot

to learn.

(turning the page)

Gangrene.

PUGSLEY:

Uncle Fester, how do you know somuch?

FESTER:

I've been around. I pick things up.

WEDNESDAY:

(still suspicious)

In the Bermuda Triangle?

FESTER:

(ignoring her,

turning anotherpage)

Look, children - a new chapter!

Oh, boy!

PUGSLEY:

Scabs.

FESTER, PUGSLEY AND WEDNESDAY

(enthralled)

CUT TO:

B81 OMITTED B81

An EXPLOSION fills the screen, as dirt and debris goflying. As the smoke clears ANGLE

ON Fester, crouched over a detonator, he has

clearly just caused the explosion. Wednesday andPugsley stand or crouch beside him.

(CONTINUED)

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