The Addams Family Page #18

n'est pas, mon cher?

As she turns to Gomez, we see the interior of the bungalow-- all ersatz cowboy and Indian mixed with chrome-platedplastic and orange shag carpet.

GOMEZ:

sits slumped in a chair made from wagon wheel and naugahyde.

It's as if all of his insane, vibrant energy hasbeen leeched from him. He's a broken man. He looks back

at her as if he's never heard French.

GOMEZ:

Huh?

Wednesday tends to him. She and her mother exchange aworried look.

PUGSLEY:

comes from the bathroom, nibbling a wrapped bar of motel

soap.

PUGSLEY:

This place isn't so bad. They even

put candy in the bathroom.

MORTICIA:

That's the soap, dear.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 93.

131 CONTINUED:
131

Oh.

PUGSLEY:

He takes another greedy bite.

Wednesday pats her father's arm.

WEDNESDAY:

Do you want a cigar, Father?

GOMEZ:

(in a monotone)

They're very bad for you.

WEDNESDAY:

(very worried)

Father?

Wednesday exchanges a panic-stricken look with Morticia.

The family moves closer to Gomez.

GOMEZ:

But maybe I'll have one of those...

He takes a bar of soap from Pugsley.

and morosely eats.

Gomez unwraps it

CUT TO:

132 OMITTED 132

132A INT. ADDAMS MANSION - MIDWAY TO THE VAULT 132A

C.U. on three hands, as they reach up to pull three ofthe countless chains.

CUT TO:

A133 EXT. ADDAMS YARD - MIDNIGHT A133

THE COAL CHUTE ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE -drops

open, dumping out Fester, Abigail, and Tully - allof them wet and bedraggled and gasping for air.

ABIGAIL:

(to Fester)

You're doing this on purpose.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 94.

A133 CONTINUED:
A133

They all struggle to their feet and march grimly backtoward the door.

CUT TO:

133 INT. WAMPUM COURT BUNGALOW - MORNING 133

Gomez is STRETCHED OUT on the naked box springs of hisbed -- the mattress pushed aside. A damp cloth covershis eyes. Thing MASSAGES his aching head. A bowl of

MOTEL SOAPS is beside him.

In contrast, Morticia squarely faces the crisis. She

addresses the family from the head of the breakfasttable, the want ads open on the table before her.

MORTICIA:

We are Addamses, and we will not

submit. Who recalls the fable of

the tortoise and the hare? The

swift, yet lazy little cottontail,

and his slow but determined companion?

What does that story teach us, asAddamses?

GRANNY:

Kill the hare. Skin it. Boil it.

WEDNESDAY:

Put the tortoise on the highway.

PUGSLEY:

During rush hour.

MORTICIA:

Yes! We will survive! Poison us,

strangle us, break our bones we

will come back for more.

And why?

GRANNY:

Because we like it!

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/12/90 94A.

133 CONTINUED:
133

PUGSLEY:

Because we're Addamses!

Gomez tries to rouse himself.

GOMEZ:

(out of it)

We're Addamses...

He burps -- soap bubbles floating from his mouth.

CUT TO:

134 OMMITTED 134

135 OMITTED 135

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 95.

136 EXT. SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF THE WAMPUM COURT - DAY 136

Wednesday and Pugsley have set up a LEMONADE STAND, theircontribution to the Addams' financial well-being. An

array of POISONS are lined up on their rickety table.

They've slashed their prices to a nickel per cup. The

pitcher on the table before them steams.

Cars speed by.

Carrying a SAMPLE VACUUM CLEANER and a bucket, Lurch comesout of the motel courtyard. Pugsley offers him a cup ofpunch.

PUGSLEY:

Here, Lurch. On the house.

Lurch downs it in a gulp and heads off.

Feeling the effects of the lemonade, Lurch BURPS -- atongue of flame shoots from his mouth and INCINERATES AWOODEN INDIAN advertising the Wampum Court.

CUT TO:

137 OMITTED 137

138 INT. EMPLOYMENT AGENCY 138

Morticia is being interviewed by a PERSONNEL OFFICER, arelentlessly perky gal with a clipboard.

PERSONNEL OFFICER

We have so many homemakers re-entering

the work force - your domestic skills

can be very valuable. College?

MORTICIA:

Private tutors.

PERSONNEL OFFICER

Major?

MORTICIA:

Spells and Hexes.

PERSONNEL OFFICER

(knowingly)

Liberal Arts. Have you been a

volunteer, PTA, service organizations?

MORTICIA:

Well, one day each week I visit Death

Row at our local prison, with my

children.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 96.

138 CONTINUED:
138

PERSONNEL OFFICER

(perplexed)

With your children?

Autographs.

MORTICIA:

PERSONNEL OFFICER

Well, what about your husband?

he currently employed?

Is

MORTICIA:

He's... he's going through a bad patchat the moment. But it's not his fault.

PERSONNEL OFFICER

(with some bitterness)

Of course not. What is he - A

loafer? A hopeless layabout? A

shiftless dreamer?

MORTICIA:

(wistfully)

Not anymore.

The Personnel Officer shoots Morticia a doubtful glance,

and begins rifling through her card file.

CUT TO:

139 INT. ADDAMS LIVING ROOM - DAY 139

Abigail and Fester are seated at opposite ends of thecouch. Fester stares off into space. Abigail is goingthrough a stack of colorful travel brochures.

ABIGAIL:

The Mediterranean, the Riviera - once

we find the money, we'll go everywhere.

We'll try again, right after lunch.

Gordon - where should we go first?

FESTER:

(sadly)

I don't know...

ABIGAIL:

Acapulco? Cancun?

(she snaps her fingersin the air, castanetstyle,

trying to befestive)

Ariba! Ariba!

You choose.

FESTER:

CUT TO:

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 A96A.

A140 EXT. WAMPUM COURT - LATER THAT DAY A140

Wednesday and Pugsley are at their lemonade stand. Theyare negotiating with a PRISSY LITTLE GIRL IN A GIRL SCOUTUNIFORM. The girl scout carries several boxes of GirlScout cookies.

GIRL SCOUT:

(with grave doubts)

Is this made from real lemons?

WEDNESDAY:

Yes.

GIRL SCOUT:

I only like all-natural foods and

beverages. Organically grown, with

no preservatives. Are you sure

they're real lemons?

PUGSLEY:

Yes.

(CONTINUED)

THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/26/91 96A.

A140 CONTINUED:
A140

GIRL SCOUT:

Well... I tell you what. I'll buya cup, if you buy a box of mydelicious girl scout cookies. Do

we have a deal?

WEDNESDAY:

Are they made from real girl scouts?

CUT TO:

140 EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY 140

White clapboard. Geraniums in the flower boxes.

Surrounded by a white picket fence.

Carrying his SAMPLE VACUUM CLEANER AND BUCKET, the tools of

his new trade, Lurch carefully opens the little white gate.

AT THE DOOR,

he rings the doorbell, afraid he might break something.

A BLONDE HOUSEWIFE in tennis whites, obviously in a hurry,

opens the door -- only to be greeted by a BUCKETFUL OF

SLOP thrown past her, onto her peach Oriental rug. She

SCREAMS in horror, turns to challenge the perpetrator of

this atrocity and, seeing Lurch, SCREAMS again.

In a panic, she tries to slam the door on Lurch, but, like

the salesman's manual undoubtedly advised, he STICKS his

foot in the way. The door partially RIPS off its hinges.

Lurch steps inside and shuts the door as best he can.

A moment passes. The door swings open and Lurch exits,

jauntily waving a check.

CUT TO:

141 OMITTED 141

142 OMITTED 142

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