The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin Page #4

Costly thy habit as thy purse.

Hey! Look what's come to town!

There's nothing so becomes a man

as modest stillness and humility.

To be...

To be or not to be?

That is the question.

Um, I was wondering

if any of you gentlemen

have seen a man around town

with a scar on his forehead.

His name is Higgins. Judge Higgins.

- I ain't seen him. Have you?

- No.

- You?

- Uh-uh.

How much you charge for a haircut?

Oh, well, sir. Uh...

For you, I...

Oh, I think the same modest price

as a tub bath. $10?

- I'm first in line, then.

- Oh.

You go over there

and set up as cashier. Sir.

- I'm after him.

- Right. Oh.

Oh, sir. I'm very much afraid

that for you it will be $15.

- [Clears throat] Same for me?

- Well, yes.

[Laughs]

I'll make it ten.

You can even keep your hat on too.

[Laughter]

Sir?

If you prick us, do we not bleed?

If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

And if you poison us, do we not die?

- And if you wrong us...

- [crowd shouting]

This is a respectable place and

I don't want any of your kind here.

[Sam] Don't you ever forget it.

Hey, boss.

I go a little while. Mosey around town.

No. Go back inside. I want to keep

you from getting into trouble again.

Aw, gee, boss. You promised me.

All right. But only for a little while.

And remember,

keep your hands to yourself.

Sure, boss.

Uh, somebody said you been asking

about a man got a scar on his forehead.

Yeah, like down across here,

kind of, sort of?

- Yes, yes.

- Well, have you seen such a man?

- Sort of a big man, had a beard?

- That's right. It's Judge Higgins.

We saw him come ashore in

a small boat about sun-up, I'd say.

Do you know where he went?

Well, he tried to sell us his boat.

That's all. We says no.

Then he asks how can he get to Fry Town.

- Thank you, sir.

- No, no.

He asked how would he get to Hang Town.

Don't you remember?

- Fry Town!

- Hang Town!

You get everything wrong.

Don't you...

Thank you, gentlemen. I'm most

grateful for your information.

There will be, uh,

no more haircuts today.

You never listen when people talk!

How are we gonna find out which it is?

Fry Town or Hang Town?

Well, now, Master Jack,

how do you think it can be done?

Well, one way, Mr. Bartlett could go to

Fry Town and we could go to Hang Town.

Exactly. And if either picks up

the trail, he can inform the others.

And we can leave any messages

at Sutter's Fort.

Idea, lad, 'tis well said,

and t'were better soon be done.

Hmm.

How much do you think it's worth,

what we have here?

Oh, well now. I certainly think

that's enough to purchase our supplies

and get us started on our way.

Do you have anything

to take your share in?

I saw no need to buy a poke

when I had naught to put in it.

These should do adequately

for the moment. Would you hold on?

- Oh, yes.

- Thank you.

[Blows]

[Bartlett] Oh.

- Here you are.

- Well.

- Are you the man who cuts hair?

- Correct, sir.

Oh, but I have terminated

my activities for the day.

No. I want you to cut my hair now.

For me.

- Mountain Ox.

- Hmm. I reiterate, sir.

I have terminated my activities

for the day.

Oh, and uh, well,

even if I were to continue, sir,

there are other gentlemen...

I don't care about other men!

I tell you to cut hair, you cut hair!

Would you please keep

your vulgar hands off my apparel?

[Bartlett] You, sir, are a devil.

A born devil upon whose nature

nurture could never stick.

Nobody don't call no names

on Mountain Ox.

- How dare you, sir!

- You big bully!

Why, you little...

[man] He knocked out the Mountain Ox!

[Crowd yelling]

Here's the fella that did it!

[Man] He's out cold!

- [Man 2] You got him a good one!

- [Man 3] He knocked the Ox out!

[Sam] All right. Coming through.

What happened?

[Repeating] Didn't I tell you

to stay out of trouble?

All right, fellas. Get back.

Give him some air.

What happened? How many were there?

Did they gang up on him?

I do hope he's not badly hurt.

I am terribly sorry.

You did this?

Well, sir, you see, um...

Well, to tell you the truth, I...

His name's Bullwhip Griffin.

- You oughta see him wrestle a grizzly.

- Master Jack!

[Crowd laughs]

Bullwhip? My name is Sam Trimble.

Oh! How do you do, sir? [coughs]

I'm the owner

of the Lucky Nugget Saloon.

Oh. I'm honored, sir.

Now perhaps you will allow me...

I'll make you an offer.

I guarantee a $2,000 purse.

You take on the Mountain Ox

for the bareknuckle championship

of San Francisco.

Winner take all!

[Crowd cheers]

My friends! My friends.

I am most flattered

and I do thank you

but it is impossible as my partners

and I must leave for the gold field.

- Immediately.

- [Crowd groans]

He'll be back

and more willing to listen to reason

after he's tramped up enough hills

and missed enough meals.

[Gunshots]

How many want to live?

Hold up your hands, please.

Now!

Please, do not complain.

The land belongs to us.

You come take our gold?

[Laughs]

We start taking yours!

It don't come out even, though.

[Laughs]

Eh, Chico?

[Speaks Spanish]

[Bandit] Everybody come down.

Pronto!

[Bandit] Yoo-hoo.

You come out.

Oh! [laughs]

Turn around.

No funny business! Get in line!

- Judge Higgins!

- [Laughs]

Yes. Yes, it is, Jack.

Well, how do you do?

Griffin, I saw you get aboard and

I was hoping we might avoid this.

Oh, naturally.

Uh, please, senores.

First we take care of our business,

then you can talk.

Oh.

Hey, Chico? The ring.

Come on.

Gracias, senores.

You are most kind.

Now to please take off your coats.

- Why would he want us to do that?

- Move!

Oh!

In the lining is a good place

to hide the extra gold coins.

[Laughs] I have learned that trick.

No, sir. No, sir.

I have given you my gold,

you have taken my watch.

But I refuse to give up my coat.

You will have to shoot me first.

You make up the rules,

senor, not me.

[Bandit] But I will do anything

to make you happy.

- Oh!

- [Bandit laughs hysterically]

Gracias, senor!

Gracias, senores. You have been,

how you say, most generous.

Goodbye!

[Whooping]

[Gunshots]

Oh! Now that is marvelous,

absolutely marvelous.

- Oh, do stop that!

- Stop what?

What you're doing. By the by,

it is fortunate that fellow

did not blow your head off,

for I do believe Mr. Bartlett

has a prior claim to that privilege.

- Because of the map?

- [Griffin] Correct.

I now demand you hand it over,

immediately.

- Oh, you do, eh?

- We're partners with Mr. Bartlett.

Oh, you are, huh?

[Laughs]

The reason I didn't want to give up

my coat to that bandito...

I had the map sewn into the lining.

And as your friend Bartlett might

have said, there's the humor of it.

- I don't think it's very funny.

- Neither do I.

Oh, you don't, huh? The two of you

working your passage all those months.

[Laughs] And the infinite pains

I took to get it.

And now we lose it to a bandit

who doesn't even know he's got it!

[Man] You'll get used to things like

this, time you've been here a while.

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