The Adventures of Pluto Nash

You're going to love this one.

Listen up, here we go.

Here you go, Pluto. What did you think?

I don't know what to think, Tony.

I mean...

You've got a dress on...

This is not a dress, it's a kilt.

Scottish tradition. Very manly, a kilt.

It's a manly dress.

No, a kilt.

That's how people know who I am.

People think of Anthony Frankowski,

they think "Scottish crooning."

There lies your problem.

That's not even a thing.

Did you make that up?

Yes, I made that up.

It's a thing if I made it up.

- It's horrible.

- It's my hook!

You know what you need to do

if you're going to croon? Be Italian.

Be Anthony Frantucci.

- You want me to change my name?

- Yeah, to something that swings.

- Anthony Frandicci.

- That doesn't swing.

Anthony...

...Francis.

- Tony Francis.

- You like that?

I'm Tony Francis.

That's a good name.

You're Tony Francis now.

Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Francis.

Absolutely. I like it.

Lose the dress, change the name.

- Is your bathroom back there?

- Through the doors.

Tony Francis.

Am I supposed to piss in the kitchen?

No, it's off to the right.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you

please welcome Mr. Tony Francis!

"Oh, my God! It's Tony Francis!"

How is showbiz?

Disgusting.

Take a walk, hotshot.

Pluto, help me!

Pluto?

- Pluto Nash?

- That's right!

- When did you get out of the joint?

- A week ago.

Congratulations.

Thanks a lot.

I'm Gino.

This is my nephew, Larry.

Larry, say hello to Pluto Nash.

What's going on?

My brother was inside with you.

Angelo Sotobolo.

Angelo Cheesecake is your brother?

We played cards in his cell every weekend.

He'd have the sh*t catered.

- He thinks the world of you.

- It's mutual.

Pluto is my best friend.

What are you guys doing?

What's going on, Gino?

We're cleaning out his digestive system.

He's a little backed up.

Gino, I can't let you do that, man.

Pluto.

Your pal borrowed $2.5 million from me

four years ago...

...to buy this joint.

- On an easy payment plan.

Here. I think that will get it off.

- How much does he owe you now?

- $2.5 million.

- He didn't pay anything back?

- No.

Any idiot can make money here.

This guy has to do

his cockamamie act each night.

It's like a damn freak show.

I seen it. You see where this sh*t got you?

Gino, listen.

I'm not a smuggler anymore.

I'm opening my own club.

No kidding.

It's always been a lifelong dream of mine

to have my own club.

Life...

Dinner and dancing and nice atmosphere.

Good place, hot music.

Once I get it going, I'll sit back,

light up a cigar and enjoy the party.

What could be better?

Nothing could be better.

We could be partners.

You know what?

What if I pay off his debt,

take over this place, and we call it square?

Let's have a drink and talk about it.

Out of these glasses?

- Are you crazy? Across the street.

- All right.

What will you do about my friend?

Anthony?

My gift to you.

You're a prince.

I'll go across the street and have

some beers and work out the logistics.

Just sit here in your skirt

and I'll see you in a minute.

9:
18 Lunar Grand Express...

...now ready for general boarding

on platform 22.

Welcome to the Moon.

While you're here, be sure and visit

the Lunar Grand Resort and Casino...

...only two hours away by hover shuttle.

Remember, Moon Beach is the only place

in the universe where gambling is legal.

The Lunar Grand.

The perfect family vacation.

Incoming!

Thanks, Pluto!

Pace yourselves. It's only 10:00.

This ain't a bachelor party.

Yeah, it is.

Tommy is getting divorced tomorrow.

- Really? Congratulations.

- Thank you.

Drinks are on the house

for the rest of the night.

- You don't have to do that.

- Forget it.

You're the best, Pluto!

Excuse me a second.

Thanks a lot, Pluto.

He's the best!

Crank it up. I'm not running a library

in here! Crank it up!

All right!

Keep it like that! Keep it pumping!

Hey, Miguel!

- Not bad for a Tuesday night.

- Not bad at all.

It's like the whole city turned out.

We've come a long way, baby.

Long way. All right, partner.

- Look at that ass. I'll be right back.

- Oh, my goodness.

Sorry, I'll get that.

Sorry.

It's all right, it's okay.

Could you help me?

I'm looking for the owner, Pluto Nash.

Why are you looking for that lowlife?

It's personal.

He doesn't even know you.

- Yes, he does.

- No, I don't.

You're him?

Last time I checked. How can I help you?

I just came all the way

from Salt Lake City.

Rough town.

I'm a good singer. I got this gig,

they gave me a one-way ticket up here.

But the guys who owned

the nightclub sold it.

I'm dead broke. I need a job.

I want to go home. Can you help me out?

Sorry, I can't help you.

I'm sure there are clubs that could

use a singer, but we've got a DJ.

Take it easy.

I'm sure they could,

but my Moon Card expired...

...and I was told you were the one person

in town who might overlook that.

Who told you something foolish like that?

You know my father, Nicholas Lake?

Never heard of him.

Nicky Sticks?

That's your father?

Unbelievable. That's something.

Normally I don't call in favors,

but my dad did save your life back in '76.

He didn't save my life, I saved his life.

And I lost a fine automobile in the process.

Unless you got a new Plymouth

with my name on it, I got nothing to say.

So, good night.

Thanks, Dad.

I should have known. I'm sorry.

Maybe I got something.

Really? Great! Shall we say

two shows a night, five nights a week?

Shall we say six nights a week

waiting tables?

You can save up your tips, make

enough money to get back home. Deal?

Deal.

- Is it like this every night?

- Only the slow ones.

Somebody is coming in.

Sorry, fellows, we're closed.

We're here to see Mr. Nash.

Is he expecting you?

$10 million is more than

a fair offer, Mr. Nash.

I don't know. I own

the most successful club in Little America.

I own it outright.

I'm my own boss, and I have the hottest...

I got the best party in town.

Why would I want to sell this place?

$10 million?

Get your sh*t off my desk!

No, boys.

Please meet my friend

and bodyguard, Bruno.

Gentlemen.

Bruno, the boys.

Looks like you're about due for a trade-in.

Hey, Bruno.

What are you, a '65?

Model '63 Deluxe.

'63? Talk about ancient.

Your sister didn't seem to mind.

Screw you, robot!

He can be fixed, you can't.

We don't mean to cause any problems.

He's reaching, you know?

Okay. No reaching.

Mr. Nash...

...this is non-negotiable.

Rex Crater is buying your club.

I was wondering when you all

was going to get to me.

$10 million.

Tell Mr. Crater, thanks, but no, thanks.

I won't sell my club.

If I have my way,

no one here will sell their place...

...because we like this town the way it is.

So, if you'd be so kind, get out.

Rex Crater does not like

to be disappointed.

I'll just have to send Mr. Crater

a case of Scotch!

- Great first night, Dina.

- Thanks.

Do me a favor. Run this up to Pluto.

I need to lock up the back.

Thank you very much.

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