The Adventures of Robin Hood Page #3

- You don't have to name them.

- Our men can't lay a hot iron...

...in the eyes of a tax dodger without

getting an arrow in the throat.

- He's got to be stopped!

- Have you tried to stop him?

Yes, but I couldn't find him.

What chance has anyone of finding him?

Every villager

and woodcutter's his friend.

Every runaway serf and Saxon thief

in the shire is joining him.

I've sent spies in the forest

to find out his hiding place...

...but he strikes, and gone like a flash.

- While you stay safely at home.

Do you question my valor?

Am I not commanding the force...

...that goes with Sir Guy and

Lady Marian to Kenworth Castle...

...to guard the tax money he is bringing

back, with my sword and life?

I only hope this murderer

does come out of his hiding place.

You hope!

Enough of this wrangling! I'll lay this

outlaw by the heels when I get back.

Well, well. A curtal friar,

and a mighty fat one at that.

- He's the man we need. I'll enlist him.

- Be careful, Robin.

That's the friar of Fountain's Abbey.

He's noted...

Yeah, that's right.

Noted for his piety.

A humble soul, he is,

with a heart as gentle as a lamb.

- Be easy with him, master.

- Oh, I won't harm him.

You stay here lest you frighten him.

Don't interfere.

That's one of the most

dangerous swordsmen...

Shh!

Bless my soul, a miracle!

Robber! Thief!

Give me back my mutton joint!

Whoa!

If you're a robber

you'll get nothing from me.

I'm a curtal friar and vowed to poverty.

If this is poverty,

I'll gladly share it with you.

That's what you are doing.

Give me back my mutton joint!

Not so close, my ponderous one.

- I'd have a word with you.

- Well?

I live in the forest with good fellows...

...who've everything in life

save spiritual guidance.

And no merit but one.

- And what's that?

- We're outlaws.

Since we're newborn to the greenwood,

we need someone to do our christenings.

- So we've chosen you.

- Not I.

They've probably

all got your taking ways.

Of course.

But you'll love them, one and all.

Let's waste no more time. We'll

take the shortcut across the stream.

- Come.

- I'll not. I'm happy here.

- You will come.

- Ah!

Now, since I don't care

to get my feet wet...

...you'll carry me across on your back.

- On my back?

- Bend! You must learn obedience.

Come on, bend.

On, now!

Come on! On! On! Faster!

I'll have a gallop from you yet.

Come now, fat one. Why not give up?

You can see I'm a better swordsman.

After I let a little air into your bellows

you'll whistle a different tune.

By Our Lady,

you're the fairest swordsman I ever met.

Must we go on, then?

I think we're even now, friar.

Even? Nay. You're still ahead of me

by half a leg of mutton.

- So...

- No. Hold there, friar. Enough.

Come with me and I'll promise you

the finest venison pasty...

...and the biggest you ever ate.

Beef, boar's head, casks of ale.

If you'd said that before, you'd have

saved us both a wetting. Come along.

- You'll join us?

- Aye.

If only to convert you

from your thieving ways.

You're Robin Hood, aren't you?

The holy henchman!

Hail, doubting friar!

- Robin.

- Aye?

He's well named Friar Tuck.

It would take half the deer

in Sherwood Forest to fill that cavern.

And twice that to fill your empty head.

- Whoa, Will!

- What news, Will?

- I've got word...

- It's all right. He's one of us.

One of us?

He looks like three of us.

Aye.

And equal to a full dozen.

Now, now, now, now.

Friar Tuck, Will Scarlett. What's it, Will?

Sir Guy of Gisbourne

is stopping by the way tonight.

- Has he got the tax money?

- A fortune!

- He enters Sherwood when?

- Tomorrow.

We'll have to postpone that stuffing

match, but it'll be double tomorrow!

Come! Back to camp, men!

Here, curb your appetite with that.

- Are you ready, men?

- Aye.

Aye!

- See anything of them?

- Not yet.

Is everything ready?

They'll think they've got into

a blooming hornet's nest.

There they come.

Hadn't we better

send out flanking guards?

What for?

This is Sherwood, and Robin Hood...

- Afraid of that gallows-face?

- Afraid? Certainly not, sir.

But it's here that he's boldest.

Don't worry. We're more

than enough to take care of him.

Outlaws have no face to show

themselves against armed troops.

Are you sure?

I seem to remember...

He jumps out of ambush at small parties,

but he wouldn't dare to attack us.

- Well, you old rooster, what do you see?

- Make ready. They're in two sections.

- Do you see Sir Guy?

- He's leading the second.

The treasure wagon is with him.

Robin! Sir Guy and the sheriff

are watering their horses.

- The advance guard's far ahead.

- Good. Little John!

Take your men

and cut off the first section.

- Surround the advance guard.

- Aye!

Personally!

- Ready, men?

- Aye, Robin!

Then stand ready for the signal. Come,

Will. Come on, let's welcome Sir Guy.

- Look!

- The guard! Quick!

Welcome to Sherwood, my lady.

What, Sir Guy, no greeting from you?

Why, that's curious.

I've often heard you'd give me a

warm welcome if ever we met again.

- You're permitting this without even...?

- Fighting?

- I'm afraid he has no choice, my lady.

- Well, I have, you impudent rascal!

You're not going to harm my lamb,

my honeysuckle.

Be still, Bess.

We've nothing but peaceful intentions.

Have we, men?

We only want to stroke his pretty neck.

- We won't harm him much.

- You see?

Well, let's away.

Don't bother to mark the way.

It'll take keener men than you've got...

...to find our camp again.

- You'll hang for this, all of you.

A small price to pay for the company

of such a charming lady.

What can a Saxon hedge-robber

know of charm? Or ladies?

- She means you.

- Me? A hedge-robber?

You must tell me more about myself.

You may have been misinformed.

Perhaps, but I don't find it interesting

enough to bother about.

You just harm one hair

of my lady's head...

...and that ugly face of yours will walk

about with no neck under it. Now, mind!

- What are you staring at?

- I ain't never been out walking...

...with a female before.

- What female?

- You.

- Well, of all the impudence!

I suppose you say that to all women

that tickle your fancy.

I've never tickled

a woman's fancy before.

No, I've never had a sweetheart.

Do you mean to say you never had one

single sweetheart in all your life?

You don't know what you missed,

my lad.

I've had the bands on five times.

My lord! Your robes for the feast.

Hurry up, put them on.

- I won't!

- You will!

I will! I will!

To them, this is heaven.

Silks for rags, kindness instead of riches,

limitless food instead of hunger.

- Why, they're actually happy.

- Are they?

Aren't you even a little pleased

to see them enjoying themselves?

I think it's revolting.

Your life's been very sheltered, hasn't it,

my lady? Too sheltered, perhaps.

But if you could know these people

as I know them.

Their patience, loyalty, goodness.

Friar Tuck!

These should fit Sir Guy.

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