The Alchemist Cookbook Page #2

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Come get your presents.

Oh, I'm excited.

What did Santa get

Sean this year?

O, let's see.

I don't know.

Which one should I open first?

Okay, this one.

A new telescope?

Now I can see you.

Ha ha.

What else did I get?

Uh, let's see.

Um.

X-ray glasses?

Oh my god.

This is the best Christmas ever.

Pss, pss, ss, ss.

I hear you, you know!

All right, you ready?

I'm ready.

Belial, hear me!

This human form,

which I was born,

I now repent.

Der vita eterna.

Dinatrum equilium ve estra.

Yodhe vodhe.

Es vita.

Donatrum.

Es vita.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hominum etservis deoculum.

Ovum devera sereptums.

Yo! Yo, Sean.

Open up, man. It's me.

Yo! Man, open up!

Hurry the f*** up, man!

Come on, sh*t.

Yo, it's me, man.

Open the f***in' door, dog.

Nigga, I can see you, nigga.

Open the door, man, sh*t.

Yo, come on, man.

Open up.

Yo, what up, nigga.

What are you doing here?

Man, what the f***

you doing in here?

Got it smellin' like raw

ass in this motherf***er.

You got devil stars up and sh*t.

Nigga, what the f*** is you

doing in this motherf***er, dog?

Yo, you can't

be here right now.

Please tell me that's not...

Nigga, you got a dead

possum in this motherf***er.

Cortez, what are

you doing here?

Yo, what the f***

are you doing here, nigga?

Got all this voodoo

sh*t up in here,

the devil stars and sh*t.

Nigga, you trippin'.

Uncle Ron'll f*** you up,

if he saw this sh*t, man.

Yo, where that

bologna at, nigga?

Hungry as f***, dog.

Yo, you can't

be here right now.

Nigga, I need to

be here right now.

Why? What's going on?

What's this?

Nigga, Martel f***ed up, dog.

What do you mean?

F***in' stole some sh*t

from some big motherf***er.

Now, I'm out here, runnin'

from them niggas, man.

Yo, you can't be here!

Yo, I gotta be here.

Chill, it's all right.

They'll f***in' follow you!

They not gonna follow me.

I made sure, sh*t.

Where the bread at?

You gotta go.

I can't go.

Are you listening, sh*t?

Help a nigga out.

Where the bread?

Get out.

I'm not goin' nowhere, nigga.

Chill.

You all right.

Ain't nobody gonna come

lookin' for me here.

Nobody know we out here.

It's cool, damn.

I made sure.

Where yo bread at?

F***in' hungry dog, sh*t.

You gotta go.

Nigga, you trippin'.

Damn, where the bread at?

Cortez, this is my

f***in' place now.

Nigga, this ain't your,

it's our place, remember?

It's mine now.

No, it's not.

You really gonna put me

out over some dumb sh*t?

I'm here. Chill.

Ah, yes. Nigga.

You want a sandwich?

Cortez, just get the f*** out.

Nigga, I'm 'bout

to eat this sandwich,

and you gon' shut the f*** up.

Chill.

Sh*t.

'Bout to f*** this

sh*t up, nigga.

Damn, love this sh*t.

F***in' leave.

You serious?

Leave.

You gon' pull a

f***in' knife on me?

You crazy, nigga?

What the f*** is wrong wit' you?

You a killer now?

Huh?

Merckin' animals

and sh*t, I'm next?

I'm your next victim?

You gonna sacrifice me, nigga?

You goin' to hell

for this sh*t, dog.

You know that?

Well, it'll be worth it.

What?

You f***in' losin' it, nigga.

You hear me?

Yo mind is fried, all right?

You need to chill

with that sh*t.

Losin' it.

You f***in' losin' it, dog!

All right.

And you f***in' owe me, nigga.

Come up here, lookin' out,

checkin' out for you, nigga.

Makin' sure you not dead.

You gon' pull a knife on me?

F*** you, nigga.

I'm yo blood.

Get out.

F*** you, man.

Get out.

You know what,

f*** yo groceries.

Next time I see you,

I'mma f*** you up.

There you go, buddy.

Here.

There you go.

F***.

Cortez!

Cortez!

F*** you!

Is this what you do for me?

Kill a f***in' animal for you,

and this what you do for me?

F***in' some bullshit.

Bullshit.

F***in' bullshit.

Who's there?!

What up, nigga?

Cortez?

F***.

Let's f***in' party, dog.

Uh, I feel so f***in' good.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where you been?

I been in the f***in'

woods, f***in' wit' your boy.

You know him.

No I don't.

I don't know sh*t.

That big black nigga

been out in the woods,

f***in' scarin' sh*t outta me,

and I don't even know who he is.

I don't know sh*t.

I just know my wackass trailer,

and I been in there

talkin' to the devil,

like it ain't nothin'.

You woke up the

wrong motherf***er.

What?

Sean? Sean.

Sean, what the f***, man?

Yo, yo that motherf***er

took my life, dog.

What the f***?

Yo, I don't.

I don't know what's

happening, man.

What's going on?

Yo, he want your sh*t, nigga.

He want all that sh*t, nigga.

You gotta give it to him.

That nigga's so pissed, dog.

He just like you.

If you don't give that sh*t

up, he gon' take that sh*t.

That's a greedy

motherf***er, dog.

That's a greedy.

Yo, that nigga gon' kill

me just for talkin' to you.

He gon' kill me, dog.

No, that sh*t can't happen.

You owe him, nigga.

He pissed, dog.

He pissed.

Give me yo sh*t, nigga.

You owe me, f***.

Give me all that sh*t.

You want gold, you

gotta pay for that sh*t.

Pay up, nigga.

The f*** you goin'?

You just gon' walk away from me?

You gon' walk away from

me, you f***in' p*ssy?

Coward.

You a coward.

You want the f***in' truth,

you come find me, nigga,

and bring yo sh*t.

Bring all that sh*t.

You want gold, you gotta

pay for that sh*t, nigga.

It's over, Cas.

It's over.

I was gonna be all rich.

Buy us a big mansion

out in the woods.

No one would even

know we were here.

Our fortress.

Man, have a snake in the

front yard, a python.

Big motherf***er,

dangerous motherf***er.

Had great ideas for

our mansion, Cas.

I was gonna order a whole

truckload of Doritos,

just eat dorito

sandwiches every day.

Man, we were gonna

eat like kings.

Pack our giant

fridge with Gatorade.

Those little juice things.

Capri suns, yeah.

So many f***in' Capri suns.

Damn.

Oh.

We'd have one of those

little Debby shelves, too.

Just like they

have in the store.

We have a whole

room-full of them,

and they'd go all the

way up to the ceiling.

We could take

whatever we wanted.

Wouldn't even have

to pay for it.

All for us.

And I'd wear a white

robe everywhere.

I wouldn't give a f***.

Beautiful white robe.

Just walkin' around my

mansion, in the woods,

in my robe.

Eating foot-long hot dogs

and taking bubble baths.

Yeah.

And I was gonna build

one of those green walls.

Just hit tennis balls off of it,

just like those

guys in New York.

It'd be real fancy.

And you know the

robot in rocky four?

Yep, we were gonna

have one of those,

just bringing us tacos and

fancy chocolate and sh*t.

Almost f***in' happened.

Damn.

F***.

Cortez?

It's my birthday today!

Oh, gas.

I'm gonna tear my teeth out.

F***in' f*** it.

F*** you.

You failed.

You failed both of us.

A man need a goal.

You f***in' failed.

You got this.

You f***in' got this.

Come on.

Cas.

Here's your f***ing tooth!

Where are you?

Where the f*** are you?

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