The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse

Put your hands up and keep them

there. All the way up, if you please.

Now, turn and face the window.

There, now you make a perfect target.

Let me warn you to remain there.

And be very careful not to move,

not even when the light goes out.

Isn't Doris in magnificent voice tonight,

doctor?

Oh, inspiring, simply inspiring,

Mrs. Updyke.

Oh, wasn't it inspiring, Mrs. Ganswoort?

Brandy, sir?

Oh, uh, why, yes. Yes, thank you.

In fact, it does rather nicely.

- Oh, by the way.

- Yes, sir?

- Where's the telephone?

- Right there, sir.

Thank you.

Hello, Miss Randolph?

Anything new on Grant?

Yes, I had a hunch that might happen.

- Yes, you can call me from the hospital...

Help! Oh, help!

Mrs. Updyke. Mrs. Updyke.

Give Mr. Grant an injection

of Dialanoid, 115.

Why, what is it, Celeste?

- Oh, Mrs. Updyke.

- What is it?

Mrs. Updyke. A burglar, your jewels.

He went through the window.

- Are you sure?

- Oh, my God. A burglar?

And, uh, call me at once

if his pain doesn't let up.

Yes, I'll be here.

Police headquarters, please.

Hello, good evening.

- I want to report a robbery...

Call the police, somebody.

At Mrs. Frederick B. Updyke's house...

...13 Sutton Square. Yes, thank you.

He's shot. The watchman got him.

Operator, would you mind sending

an ambulance to 13 Sutton Square?

The name's Updyke.

Thank you very much.

I didn't do nothing. I didn't do it.

I didn't do nothing.

Yes, yes, yes. I believe you.

I believe you.

Now, just be calm.

Put up your hand, please.

- What did you say?

- Just put up your hand, please.

Well, you're a lucky old man.

That bullet just scraped your collarbone.

Three inches over and you'd have

had something stuck in your throat.

Say, didn't you and me meet

someplace before?

I hardly think so.

- Who is this fellow?

- Why, Dr. Clitterhouse, of course.

There.

- Oh, that pain you very much?

- It's all right.

Hello, doctor.

- Oh, Inspector Lane.

Isn't this rather a prosaic case

for you to be on?

It may look like nothing to you...

...but I'm hoping it's the end of

my headaches for this last few months.

- Come on, give me that ice.

- I never saw no ice.

I ain't got no ice on me.

Your d*cks will tell you.

That's right. We searched him

before we brought him in...

...just this rod and junk.

I'm telling you, I never saw it.

I never had a chance.

Somebody beat me to it.

- Your men covering that driveway?

- With a fine-toothed comb.

- Who's working with you?

- Nobody. I don't know nothing.

You don't, huh? Just a lone wolf.

What about Rocks Valentine?

I never worked with...

- Rocks, who?

- Don't act dumb.

You slipped that jewelry to somebody.

Come on, spill it.

I tell you, I never saw no jewels.

We've covered the ground, chief,

inside and out.

- The servants?

- I'll start on them now.

- The guests too.

- Everybody?

Everybody. We've got to find that stuff.

All right, sergeant.

Get them all in the living room.

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you all step in the living room?

- Are we to be searched?

- Yes, I'm sorry.

- That's my orders.

- Oh, don't apologize. I think it's thrilling.

It looks as if you mean business,

inspector.

I certainly do.

One burglary after another.

The commissioner's going crazy.

Telephone for you, Dr. Clitterhouse.

Your nurse says it's quite important.

- May I answer the phone, Lewis?

- Certainly, go ahead.

- Connors?

- Yes?

Get the maid and the kitchen help.

I wanna talk to them.

Line up over there, please.

Lady, kindly step aside.

Line up and face this way, please.

Thank you.

Yes?

Well, that's not too good. No, I don't

think we'd better wait until morning.

I'll be there in 20 minutes.

Get him ready.

No, I'll do it with a spinal anesthetic.

Yes, immediately.

I ain't lying.

There was somebody in that room...

...going through the safe

when I crawled through the window.

Now, look...

I've got to rush to the hospital

and do a little operation on Grant.

- Operation? Grant? Too bad.

- Yes, may I leave now?

Certainly. I'll give you an escort,

it'll save time.

- Hey, Tim. Go with the doctor.

- Yes, sir.

You seem to be in a real state of nerves.

You'd better look out for your health.

- You don't know the half of it.

- Remember that high blood pressure.

If I don't start cracking

some burglary cases...

...the commissioner

will really give me high blood pressure.

Don't take it too seriously. No job is

as important as your health. Good luck.

Now, listen, wise guy, quit your stalling.

Where did you put that stuff?

Are you gonna start that again?

- Looking for my bag, Roberts?

- Yes, sir.

- You'll find it on the floor.

- Why, so it is.

I was certain, sir,

I'd placed it on the shelf.

This excitement tonight,

you understand.

Yes, I understand perfectly.

Good night, Roberts.

Good night, Dr. Clitterhouse.

These anterior and posterior views

of the laminae are not quite satisfactory.

You agree on the necessity

of an operation tonight, doctor?

Possibly. Suppose we hurry

through a stereo, Miss Donner.

You stop taking pictures

and begin straightening me out.

Relax, counselor.

Nothing to be jittery about.

I've had over a hundred clients

face the electric chair.

- I've never been jittery.

- But your clients were.

What are you up to now anyway,

Clitterhouse?

Just another picture.

A stereo view this time.

What is this,

a hospital or a photographic gallery?

Now, take it easy, counselor.

Flat on your back.

Legs over to one side, please, nurse.

Here, hands like that. Like so.

Now, hold that, please.

How about one of me

standing on my head?

There you are, Miss Donner.

Now, let me see, uh...

Oh, uh, my glasses.

- Would you mind fetching them?

- Yes, doctor.

We'll probably start

with an elliptical incision here.

Oh, Clitterhouse,

do you have to cut that much?

I'll have these developed in minutes,

Miss Randolph.

Are you or are you not going

to operate on me?

Seems to me the vertebrae...

...are at a much greater depth

than one would expect.

The reason I prefer an elliptical incision.

To delay surgery may result

in permanent paralysis.

Oh, Miss Randolph? What are you doing?

Aren't you getting my glasses?

Yes, indeed, I... I have them right here.

I'm sorry if you had

any difficulty finding them.

Not at all, doctor.

Only your bag was unusually full.

Could I interrupt that big medical

conference to ask for a cigarette?

Yes, by all means. Miss Randolph,

you'll find some in my coat.

Now, flat on your tummy, counselor.

There.

Here are the stereo views,

Dr. Clitterhouse. They're very clear.

Thanks.

Ah, here's what we need. Dr. Ames.

Mr. Grant,

won't you please lie down and relax?

Relax? In the midst

of this three-ring circus?

Miss Randolph?

- Yes, doctor?

Give him a spinal anesthetic,

all the trimmings.

I'll be ready for him in

the operating room in 20 minutes.

- Oh, nurse?

- Yes, doctor?

You won't forget

to keep an eye on my bag.

It's impertinent of me...

...but shouldn't these jewels

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