The Ambassador Page #3

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Everybody's got a gun,

so anything can happen any time.

This country is really complicated.

Be careful.

They'll eat your money and kick you

in the ass, so be careful.

People have lost millions of dollars

over night.

I saw them. They turn up at your

house and hold a gun to your head -

- until you give them all your money.

They say they're acting under orders.

- And they raid your office.

- Who did that happen to?

This has happened to all the diamond

people. They lost all their money.

One company lost 1.5 million dollars

over night.

Don't tell anybody about your plans.

You're just opening your consulate.

- I mustn't mention my business plans?

- No. It's not the time.

You can talk to the consuls -

- but be careful with

the consul of the Netherlands.

Be careful with Belgium.

With all the Europeans.

Because they report

to the ambassador of France.

And I want to steer clear of France?

The other African consuls are no

problem, but be careful with the rest.

The Central African Republic is

murky waters for white men -

- and the mere sight of a Caucasian

pigment-challenged male in Bangui -

- can ignite wild speculations -

- about mercenaries and plans

to overthrow the president.

A group of Slovakian safari tourists

were arrested and charged -

- with plans to commit a state coup

some months ago.

Therefore, being a traveler in dire

straits, I had to take great care -

- that my travel papers were

in absolute order.

- This is Mr. Cortzen calling.

- Yes. How are you doing?

I'm okay, Willem,

but I just found out...

I've bought the Diplomatic Handbook

for Liberia, and it says -

- that Liberian diplomatic passports

are ECOWAS passports, biometric.

And they're black.

But mine is red and not biometric.

I thought you had a new passport -

- because I didn't unwrap it.

I'm just worried, if someone here sees

my passport and calls Monrovia -

- and asks:
"Who is this guy?"

What will they tell them?

They will not phone -

- because who will they phone?

Who the hell will they phone?

To explain why I chose Tijssen

as my diplomatic title broker -

- it's because Colin Evans, my

preferred choice, could not deliver.

Put them in my office.

Tray of tea, something like that.

I'd like a cup of tea.

When I went to see him in Portugal

with my secretary Maria -

- he said he had difficulties

finding a country -

- wanting to establish diplomatic

connections with the CAR.

The major problem with the CAR

at the moment is -

- that those nations that wish

to be associated with them -

- are already represented there

in some form.

And those that aren't don't wish to be.

This was a personal matter

to Colin Evans -

- because he actually works

for the CAR as a diplomat himself.

Here he is in front of a painting

of President Bozize -

- with a suspicious-looking

Asian guy.

It is the forgotten country of Africa.

I know. I work for them.

I also know, if I can say this

in front of you, Maria -

- what a complete pain in the ass

the CAR can be.

I don't go there. I represent them

externally in a number of levels.

But I don't personally go there.

I prefer not to go.

But I think they spend

most of their time here -

- thinking constantly about...

black magic.

They all go to the maribu,

the local wizard -

- to buy magic powder, to make him

do voodoo against other people etc.

And the magic they respect most is

the Pygmies.

Because supposedly they have

the best wizards.

So I think, to give the matches

a unique selling point -

- that they are made by Pygmies. It'll

have an attraction to the Africans.

Not for you and me,

but for the Africans.

Paul, it's not to be racist,

but I have a problem with Asians.

They're always very sneaky,

very greedy.

Difficult to trust.

And they have bad manners.

They want to take everything

for themselves. They're very selfish.

So, I make my proposal

to M. Gilbert.

Then we discuss it, and if he likes it,

we take it to the lawyer tomorrow.

Paul, please translate this.

I understand -

- he likes the small bulldozer, but

he needs a fast cash investment.

So what would he like:

The 10m CFA francs or the bulldozer?

- Do you want the bulldozer or 10m?

- The 10m.

- Perfect, M. Gilbert.

- Thank you.

We're making

a preliminary investment -

- with a man called Gilbert Dalkia.

Do you know him?

Yes.

In your opinion, is it a good idea?

It depends on whether you control

him, or he does as he likes.

How do we control him to avoid

the other thing from happening?

Here, you have to know the relations

people have with one another.

If he thinks you have good relations

with people more powerful than him -

- he will behave. If he thinks the

contrary, you will lose everything.

... we'll end up losing everything.

Hi, Mr. Cortzen from the CAR.

How are you doing?

The diplomatic passport I have now,

can I use that here in the CAR?

Yeah, you can use it.

But I don't have any

accreditation papers with me.

Yeah, I know.

Ah, the envelope shop.

So, Paul, here's 100,000.

It'll make him happy?

Then here's

the envelope of happiness.

Then we go to the meeting

with the secretary of the president.

But I don't give the envelope to him.

- No, then he will feel corrupted.

- I'll make him feel dirty.

But the envelope is for him, yes?

To make him feel happy.

- Let's make some business.

- Yes!

Very, very positive meetings. I really

have a very powerful feeling now.

Now, I really feel like

the black albino.

White on the outside,

but really black inside.

My cover as a diplomat with lofty

plans to open up a match factory -

- brought me in contact with

the most powerful people in Bangui.

- Maybe you and M. Cortzen...

- Of course.

I'll take a photo.

Our last meeting

was also in darkness.

Then suddenly the light came,

and he said to me:

- You even bring on the light.

- "You bring out the light."

I explained to Minister Gaston -

- that I had imported match-making

know-how from India -

- and was busy setting up

a production of matches in Bangui.

I believe in sustainable development

and supporting tribal people -

- so I'd like within this workshop

to employ a Pygmy.

It's necessary to educate men so they

can become productive. Even Pygmies.

He says you're on to something that

matters a lot to him. Personal growth.

And that you educate.

It's important, especially

when it comes to the Pygmies -

- to try to raise the level

of human beings.

I'd be very happy if the minister could

support and help with this endeavor.

I myself live in a village

where the main population is Pygmies.

They're not far from where I live,

so we can easily gain access to them.

If you're interested, we can go visit

the chief of the village.

Meanwhile, a local artist presented

the artwork for the matchboxes.

Wow! This is nice.

So this says:
"Le Ambassadeur,

he lights up Africa."

It says that in tribal language.

"Made by the Pygmies."

The Pygmies, how do they look?

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