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The American Astronaut
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2001
- 91 min
- 139 Views
It is necessary...
a criteria...
or asteroids.
between Mars and Jupiter.
fragmented planetlsmals began In...
kllometers...
several hundred slzable boulders...
merry-go-round of primordlal debris...
formatlon.
regulariy charted and observed...
convenlent locatlon and avallablllty...
for a drinklng establlshment...
or bar If you wlll.
"The Ceres Crossroads".
frequented by roughnecks...
story began.
The story of how I became a father.
And oh yeah, it's my birthday.
Sh*t
Eddy speaklng.
Eddy, Samuei Curtis.|I just ianded...
It was great.
Can you dig me out and|set me up for fiight?
Sure. Dld you bring the cat?
Yeah. I got him. His name is|Monkey Puss.
I want to name hlm Oscar.
That wasn't so bad. Was it, Monkey?|Eddy, you got something for me, right??
Oh, yeah.
Okay. I'ii be in in a bit.
Okay. Good-bye.
Aii right, cat, iet's go.
I'm keeping that with me.|You seen Eddy?
Yes. He's right overthere by|the corner of the bar.
You mean the bartender?
Thanks.
Samuei Curtis.
I know. We watched you iand. Everybody|here got just the biggest...
charge out of it. I'm stiii buzzin'.|In fact, everybody's buzzin'.
You got something for me,|right?
You're not going to beiieve what|i got for you.
No one can come back here but me, so we|can keep Oscar here 'tiii they come and get him.
I thought he was for you.
Oh, no. I hate cats, but you sure saved|my butt bringing him here.
- You're staying, right?|- What is that?
You're staying forthe big dance,|aren't you?
Yeah, sure.
I don't get it.
It's a giri. It's a reai iive giri.
What am i supposed to do|with it?
I don't know.
Who's piaying at the dance|tonight?
Me.
I guess i'ii see you there. Mind if|i use your bathroom?
Sure. It's a reai toiiet so|be carefui.
Thanks, Eddy.
That's him.
Hey Boy-Hey Boy...
i got a message for you...
about a thing caiied iove and the|stars above. And a iittie white dove,
sends push turn to shove to|fist to cuffs.
Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough.
Hey Boy-Hey Boy...
i heard it from a friend about you...
about your hatred when you're|iaying in your bed...
and your facing the tread with|your hatred fed...
from the things you said. And you|wish you were dead...
because you're separated from a thing|caiied iove. And the stars above.
And a iittie white dove sends push|turn to shove to fist to cuffs
Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough
Hey Boy-Hey Boy...
i heard it from a friend about you...
that you're heart broken and your|anger's smoking.
And you iie there poking at a|iittie token...
of days gone by. You iet out a sigh.|Tears fiii your eyes.
And you start to cry. And say,|Oh God why.
And you wish you couid die.|And your eyes won't dry.
And time don't fiy on this|heiiish night.
Eyes wide open on this heiiish|ride
as you go switching from side to side|because you're fiiied with hatred...
when you're iying in your bed. And|your face turns red...
with your hatred fed from the things you|said. And you wish you were dead...
because you're separated from a thing|caiied iove. And the stars above...
and a iittie white dove sends push|turn to shove to fist to cuffs.
Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough!
Hey Boy-Hey Boy...
i heard it from a friend about you...
Hey!
Hey! You son of a b*tch! Hey!
Hey!
Did you just see two guys come|out of that bathroom?
Here you go.
Hey, is it just me, or do my|baiis itch?
I think it's you.
Good. For a minute, i thought my|baiis itched.
Hey, it's a joke.
It's funny.
F*** it.
This what you're iooking for?
Larry Biueberry.
My name is Lawrence. It's never been|Larry. I don't iike that name.
I hear you're doing pretty good|these days.
I heard you were kiiied by|Professor Hess.
Yeah, weii. Apparentiy your|photographers have proven otherwise.
That's the Biueberry Pirate.
An interpianetary fruit thief and oid|dance partner of Samuei Curtis'.
Came here to pick up a cat named Oscar as|payment for some stoien fruit he'd deiivered.
Here's where they get reacquainted at the bar,|aii nice and friendiy, just iike that, see?
Oid friends, that's aii. This is where|the pirate
gives Curtis some pictures and oh so|gracefuiiy bestows upon him...
the perfect pian for an astronaut in|his position.
In return Samuei Curtis agrees to be|the Pirate's partner at...
the big dance contest because Curtis|didn't have a pian and...
the Pirate neverwon anything in his|whoie iife and those were...
The most beautifui trophies he'd ever|seen. Unquote.
Curtis' new mission is to return to Earth|with the body of a man named...
Johnny R.
Johnny R. Came from a very weaithy|famiiy.
A famiiy that's wiiiing to award a great|deai of weaith forthe return of his remains.
Right now his body is being preserved on|Venus, the pianet of beautifui women.
The pianet of women who can reproduce|without the use of men.
Unfortunateiy, if more than three generations|go by without introducing new biood...
the women become high-bred and even|too snippy forthemseives to stand.
So it's necessary forthem to keep a|man around as a stud.
The women of Venus adopt an adoiescent|maie from a weii-to-do famiiy...
ride him iike a wiid staiiion, treat him|iike a king...
and iove him untii the day he dies,|usuaiiy at a ripe oid age.
And then repiace him with another|adoiescent maie.
Johnny R. Had reached that ripe oid age|and the time had come to repiace him...
but the women of Venus won't part with his body|untii an adequate repiacement has been deiivered.
The perfect repiacement couid be found|on Jupiter.
Jupiter's a very weaithy mining pianet, where|infant maies are taken and soid to a man...
named Lee Viiensky.
They're raised as workers and grow up to be|strong men with no knowiedge of women.
Lee Viiensky owns Jupiter and years|before he had purchased a boy...
from Samuei Curtis known as...
The Boy who actuaiiy saw a|woman's breast.
Forthis brief experience the boy has|been treated as a treasure.
He's become the pianet's|figurehead.
He's used to boost the moraie of workers|by performing in great night raiiies...
where he quickiy and arrogantiy describes|what it is he had seen.
Overthe years, the boy had grown up to|be a strong and handsome young man...
and both the Biueberry Pirate and Samuei Curtis|know that the women of Venus wouid go nuts for him.
They aiso beiieve that Lee Viiensky|wouid part with the boy in trade for...
the reai iive giri.
He couid raise her, marry her, have sex|with her...
then describe the experience to his|workers in great detaii.
That wouid be an incredibie moraie|booster.
That wouid create a happier, more|productive work environment.
So i take the giri to Jupiter...
trade her forthe boy, bring the boy to|Venus...
trade him forJohnny R...
bring Johnny R. Back to earth and i|get rich.
That's it.
Where'd the giri come from?
Eddy cioned her from one of his|own ceiis.
That's one detaii best ieft unsaid.
Gentiemen, is it just me or do my baiis|itch?
So this guy waiks into a bar and he says|to the bartender...
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"The American Astronaut" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_american_astronaut_2668>.
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